Blame us for WHAT?? We're not the ones driving your marriage into the ditch. You did that, and continue to wander aimlessly, slapping Plan Ace over everything you decide to do and calling it good. We're trying to keep you from totalling the car. And you BLAME us?

I believe that a large part of your posting here is to manipulate and argue. I'm not going to waste further time with a poster whom I believe is attempting to do so. There are too many asking for help AND LISTENING TO WHAT WE ADVISE THEM.

Try just to answer one question If you can manage that

WHAT PART OF THE MB PLAN HAVE YOU FOLLOWED AND THINK YOU DESERVE PRAISE FOR???

Let me brake this down to you in bite seizes.

1) MB Most important principal for marriage recovery after and A is total and absolute NC with the OW for life, no contact means no verbal, phisical or VISUAL contact. In plain terms you dont speak, touch or SEE the OW again. Working with her brakes at least 2 of the above contact methods. There is no way around this rule there are NO exceptions. People have had to give up family members before to comply with this rule never mind a measly job.


2) MB second rule is expose your A to everyone at work, friends, family and everyone who in turn offers support to you BS and keeps an extra eye on you and will be one more person that you led down if you relapsed. Exposing the A at work is vital because it lets your employer know ( and they have every right to know) that two of their employees are not only unprofessional but also untrustworthy and the company needs to deal with both of you. You have not done any of this.

3) an easy step is to learn about meeting your BS needs and her meeting yours to ensure a strong happy marriage where the chance of growing apart and getting involved in an affair are reduced to a minimum. To learn about each others needs there is a simple questionnaire you can print from the site and do together. You claim to have read this site yet you can't even be bothered with this simple step. You rather have a plan that involves two people who have no idea or experience in saving any marriages sitting down and figuring out half baked measures of saving their marriage for the umpteenth time.

4) Another viral step in marriage recover after an A is to identify your weaknesses that led to your A and put clear boundaries in place to prevent ever having an A again. For example if your A started with the OW as a friendship one of your boundaries should be no opposite sex friendship, no socialising with female colleagues outside of work, never discuss marital problems with colleagues etc...
Again you have done nothing about this step.

5) And finally MB principals insist on the WH writing a NC letter to the OW. You did a pathetic goodbye conversation with the skank that basically does nothing to prevent you from restarting your A as you have done many times before, there are great templates of the NC letter on MB but I don't have the link handy.

So ace what have you done exactly??? Nothing as far as MB is concerned.

This is a marriage builders site that follows a specific very narrow road for recovery. There are NO EXCEPTIONS or different variations to suit your situation because the MB principals are the same for every type of situation so you can accept that and get on with doing something to save your marriage or you can carry on dancing to your own tune and then wonder why pople aren't clapping hour dance moves when infact all we see is a person having a medical fit on the dance floor.

Clearly there is a large part of you that does want to save your marriage.

That is the part of you that will suffer unendurable agony when your plan fails and you get dragged into the ditch yet again.

But part of you is not enough to turn this thing around.

You need to be in this 100 per cent

Ready and willing to save your marriage - dot dot dot - with NO limitations.

Making your BWs broken heart more important than the paltry withdrawal from OW is the ONLY way to save yourself from a much more serious heartbreak - the destruction of your marriage for an empty shell.

But sadly, like so many waywards, you will need to hit that rock bottom before you are willing to put in that 100 per cent

I mean this in all sincerity - come back when you are serious if that day is not today.

If your marriage is not too badly mangled by that point, we will be glad to help you in more serious efforts.

Remember that we are not fooled,




You know what you are doing.

I think we are dealing with a con artist here.

This is a man who does not want to be a workplace embarrassment. He does not want people to know he is "one of those" kind of guys. He does not want to become an office gossip or to suffer the consequences of what he has done.

His desire to "save face" in front of others is more important than his desire to save his marriage. He would rather throw his wife overboard than 'rock the boat' of his image as a "good" husband and step-father.

OP, you can claim your plan is great all you want, you can say you can follow MB with "limitations" (ie. Claim you have a math degree without learning the multiplication table), but the truth is that you just don't want people to know what a horrible and embarassing thing you've done to your wife, your family, and how unprofessional you really are.

It's about your image. We know. We're not stupid. You might con others in your real life but your true character shines here.

He may not want his fellow employees to "know" but what he may not realize is that they already DO. I'm certain.

Not wanting to admit it, and keep it hidden shows how unrepentant, and unready Ace is.

Ace, just think of it this way. You are choosing to drive a clunker (Plan Ace) hoping that it will get you there (on a very rough road!) when you could be driving a Mercedes (MB) that WILL do more than just get you there, it will also hold up for a very long time, especially with the right maintenance. I was going to compare a professional mani/pedi to a DIY job, but since you're a guy, I figured you wouldn't relate.

Nobody's buying your "I can't get no respect" BS. If you could only hear how silly it sounds. Good luck!

LOL....so true, so true. The OW in our sitch "respected" my husbands decision...for a couple weeks. Then, her inner stalker emerged! We had to hire an attorney to send a NC letter, his handwritten one wasn't enough. Trying for a restraining order would be our next step...woo hoo! OW are notorious for going off the deep end. I guess the NO CONTACT FOR LIFE doesn't sit well with home wreckers.

Frankly, until you can establish that...everything else you do is for nothing. You have been given the MOST IMPORTANT bit of advice that can save your marriage...No Contact for Life. Never. Ever. Not a glance, a text, a "business" call. NOTHING. You will be back in this same boat 1, 2, 5 or 10 years from now if you continue working with OW.

In our case...my husband reconnected with an ex on Facebook after 13 years...and he had a ONS during his affair! Cheating on the one he was cheating on me with. Ahhhh....the irony! He tried to break it off on his own so many times...it doesn't work. You know what did work? The Extraordinary Precautions on Marriage Builders!

A timeline...ok...here you go!

So the white elephant in the room:

When is the last time you slept with OW?
When was last physical contact, hand hold or kiss etc.?
When was the last text or email?
When was the last time you saw OW?

When you are 6 months+ out from these triggers we can talk about a timeline for recovery. At 6 months after ALL THESE triggers you just may be coming out of withdrawal.

This recovery timeline is a marathon and quitting your job is equivalent to putting on your shoes!

Ok, so you're fine now. Well, wait until the triggers begin and OW contacts you because she can't take it anymore!

Then see how strong you are.

We are not against you, Ace. You are against yourself. You are still VERY foggy and fooling yourself.

Write the NC letter and change jobs!