Thanks for pointing that out to me about not exposing further. I was planning on telling his family today.

What a [censored]. I would call him back and ask him to tell you. This is information about your life that is being wrongfully withheld from you. Ask him to please stop protecting the OW and help you out. You can't very well save your marriage if you don't have all the facts.

That coworker is not a friend to your marriage.

That is why I was even more frustrated after talking to him.

Who do you think the OW is?

Willing,

Is it possible to get more information about the OW identity from your H's cellphone and/or email?

AM

When I forced him to confess some of the details of the affair, he told me the things they did in detail and the things they said to each other. I then asked him who she was and that is what he didn't want to tell me. He had made up the story of her being a prostitute at first that it got me thinking that it might be one of my best friends. There is one in particular that I am suspicious about, but at the time I thought it was just my imagination going wild. I now have the same suspicions.

I have gone through all his cell phone records and there are no traces of anything suspicious, but he knows I've checked his phone for a while now. Even before the affair. I have suspected of him having an extra hidden cell phone.

I would try and bluff it out of him. Perhaps call him up and tell him you know he lied about the identity of the OW and ask for his explanation. See if you can get him to confess.

Is that friend married?

I didn't say it directly in my letter today, but I told him I knew he had lied to me again. His friend at work is most likely telling him today that I called him.

Yes, my friend is married, but her marriage is also in trouble. She has cheated on her husband before. The reason I suspect it's her is because of the way they treat each other when we are all together. We don't see her very often, but when we do, it has struck me as odd that he tries to keep his distance from her by being very formal with her. That is not how he treats my other friends. There are also other little signs that I had seen before, but again I am not sure.

Call him up and try to bluff it out of him. Hint that you have more information than you do. Writing him will just give him time to concoct a story. Calling him puts him on the spot and catches him by surprise./

You are right, I am going to call him as soon as he gets out of his first job, that way I get to him before his friend at work tells him I called him yesterday. This prevents that coworker from helping him come up with a story to help him.

Update: As I was typing this reply he text me telling him to give him a couple of days to move out. I text him back telling him to call me at work right now.

I talk to him right now and I told him I knew very well that it was not the woman he had told me. I demanded that he tell me who it really was and he sustained that it was the co-worked he had told me. I then asked why than his friend had sworn that it was not that woman, that obviously his friend had said that because he knew who it really was. Since he was already at his second job, he told me he couldn't talk anymore and that he would call me later.

Why don't you call her up and tell her what he said. Could that coworker be lying?

I know there is a coworker withe the name my husband gave me. When I talked to him a few minutes ago, I gave him an ultimatum. I told him it it's her than he better tell her to call me today or else he knows I will get a hold of her. He agreed to have her call me. We'll see if that happens.

oops! --- meant for a different thread.

Daisy,

I am not sure if you meant to post this here???

Well, my husband took my ultimatum seriously and the OW did call me this evening!! It ended up being the coworker after all.... She is only 24!! She was very nervous and a part of me felt sorry for her. She apologized repeatedly and answered all my questions about the affair. Her answers confirmed everything that my husband told me except for the part where he lied when he told me she was no longer working there and that she was only hired temporarily. The truth is that she has been working there for about three years.

Apparently the male coworker I spoke with yesterday had no idea that she and my husband had something going on. Maybe he couldn't believe it because of the age difference between them. She told me that nobody at work knew until today as far as she knows, but that today people at work had started rumors about it. She said she felt she deserved it for making such a huge mistake and she was not going to feel comfortable working there anymore because she was ashamed of what people were going to start saying about her. She told me she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over five years and today when my husband informed her of the STD my doctor diagnosed me with, she was going to get herself checked right away. She said that for a few months now my husband had become very distant and would barely say hello to her at work. She had figured that it was because he had gotten his way with her already and he was no longer interested. She said that she was afraid that her boyfriend would break up with her on the spot if he found out what she had done with my husband.

Call me a fool, but she sounded sincere. She assured me that it wouldn't be too long before she was quitting her job because now everything was out in the open. According to her and my husband, the last time they had a sexual encounter was back around September of last year.

Regardless of what she said, I am going to continue to snoop. Tomorrow as soon as I get a change to get a hold of my husband's phone I am installing a spyware to keep track of all his activity. If it works, it's supposed to record surrounding sounds at programmed times. That will be the best feature. Keeping my fingers crossed that it will work and I won't get caught.

I would find her on Facebook and expose the affair to her family and her boyfriend by sending them private messages. They all need to know about the affair and especially about the STD. The bf has been exposed too.

If the affair was really dead, why in the world would your husband still want to move out?

The OW may have sounded sincere, but you have no way of knowing if anything she says is the truth. Your husband and OW have had plenty of time to let him brief her as to what he had told you. Please keep that in mind. They might as well still been sleeping together (well, it would have been nice if they had only slept ).
It sounds almost too good to be true that your husband pulled away from her voluntarily. And even if the affair is not active now, as long as they work together, the danger is always there that they can do it again sometime.

That said, if she has been in an exclusive relationship for 5 years, there is still the possibility that either she or her boyfriend are sleeping around or have been (depending on the STD, some can go undetected for a long time - ask your doctor).

Do not skip exposure, but make it nuclear. Do not do it one person at the time. The best thing is to do it now.