I finally replied back to him last night.
I basically told him I dont have any reason to trust him or believe him and I wont be trusting him or believing him. He has no future with wife or family. Kids and family will never accept him, like him, anything.

I stated my demand again as dont ever talk, text, email, call, communicate with my wife.

Here are his options He do as I ask and I will never have to talk to him or his family or friends again. If he does not I will let everyone know that once again he lied, hid things and then everyone will know he is not trustworthy even after making promises. If he was embarressed by the last exposure the next one if you dont do as I ask and you say you will, will really show people your true morals and the only one to blame for that would be himself. I would suspect work, friends and family will not be even close to understanding.

What do you think?

Now how to work with wife? leave her alone for a while or keep after her. I have not talked to her in a week right now. She has been upset and not wanted to talk since the exposure has set in.

Have you managed to expose to children yet? That is q urgent to get done ASAP

No
She has not allowed me to have them in person. No reason except she doesnt want me to expose to them.
With not being divorced and no court order I cant make her do anything. She has been advised legally to stop and make it work or the court judges will not look upon this kindly.
I am serving her with the papers this week and if she agree's then all visiting thing and exposing to them will be handled but I do not want to do it over the phone.
Its a delicate deal and must be done right

Proverbs 6: 32-35
Proverbs 5: 3-6

Proverbs 6:32-35
New International Version (NIV)


32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense;
whoever does so destroys himself.
33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,
and his shame will never be wiped away.
34 For jealousy arouses a husband�s fury,
and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.
35 He will not accept any compensation;
he will refuse a bribe, however great it is.

Proverbs 5:3-6
New International Version (NIV)


3 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave.
6 She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.

I have not read your whole thread, but typically if there has not been a divorce or a court order, you should still be in your home with the children. If you have left for some reason other than a court order, I suggest you get home right away! I'm probably missing a crucial detail: if there's a court order, or if she left and took the kids, then never mind: address it from a legal standpoint instead.

She got her own place under the guise of needing space Markos.

What do your lawyers say about your rights accessing this property, rtschida? Surely as your wifes home, it is a marital asset and as much yours as hers?

Is she paying the rent/mortgage for it or are you?

she is renting. She wanted us to buy another rental property so she could move into it and then only pay half rent. I told her that made no financial sense whatsoever.
She pays the rent at her house a few miles away from what was our house.
Tomorrow hope to have paperwork together for her to see I'm seriouse about seeing the kids and having them home part time.

Ideally since exposure has happened she would start to drop her anger level. Start to realize she has to own up to her mistakes. Not blame them on me or punish the kids or her mother or ...

Marriage involves the art of working at it. We always had a good relationship until I let myself be to busy to give her attention and time and she gave up because I let myself be to busy with our business (work) and not attend our marriage.
There is the reason for her affair but there is no excuse for her having a affair.

I would like to believe she cant keep this anger up much longer and if he has trully ended it in a week or two or so she could be looking for some attention from me.

Experts input

RT,
Have you been in touch with stillwaiting? Your stories are similar!
CT

How is your Plan A coming along? Do you need any help with ideas to implement it?

No I have not contacted stillwaiting I will look up the post when I have a minute.
Yes I need alot of help right now. It seems like I'm in this downward spiral that I cant change.
Plan A trying to talk with Wife but will not respond to me still. Hard to work on giving her a safe place when she wont even respond to me via email or phone. Ever since the exposure.

I have a new drama I have to deal with and I'm praying very hard on. I have not been able to see my (step) children for over a week now and wife wont permit them to call or talk to me. I raised them as my own and take care of them as there only father. Now since she doesnt want them exposed to the truth of the affair she has shut me out. Up until then it was very important I stay in there lives to her and me no matter what happened.
Attorney went to file paperwork for visitation rights and custody and courts said fine but you must be proceeding with divorce then it can happen.
How can I proceed with giving her a safe place while proceeding with a divorce. Contradictory!
I'm torn up over this deal. I just dont know how to proceed. Life seems to be like a living hexx. I honor my wife and marriage so much. How can this be so hard? Why would the women I love and trusted for so long and we never crossed each other witha mean bone in our bodies turn so ??

Help!
encouragment or wisdom

rts, file for the divorce and get custody and finances in order. That is just fine. The divorce can be dropped in the future and if she doesn't change, then you will be better off divorced. You can't lose by filing for divorce.

Have you adopted those kids? Do you have legal rights as their father?

As far as her shutting you out, she is still enraged that you ruined her affair. Just be patient and occasionally contact her. Be as pleasant as possible.

If you can get visitation set up, that will open a door for contact. So get filing!!

Melody,
Its complicated. Its joint, so yes I have rights. Court admin acknowledged it already. Also stated if Wife continues this the judge will not look kindly on this. Now thats not the route I want to go but I'm being forced right now.

I understand she is angry but what happened to my wife. Never seen this kind of anger out of her for anything. Fog? If thats the case wow how people can change from addiction withdrawal

RT,
Remember your wife is an alien. You took her high away and she is angry like never before.

In my case, I knew I wanted to save my marriage, so I became suicidal during withdrawl.

It's good for you to remind yourself that she is in withdrawl from oxytocin (equivalent to heroine) and dopamine (like cocaine) and testosterone (like ecstasy).
CT

I understand she is angry but what happened to my wife. Never seen this kind of anger out of her for anything.

Well, a few short weeks ago she was getting her ENs satisfied by two men. She could also delusionally envision herself as a star-crossed heroine in a romance novel.

Then you exposed.

The ENs were severely impacted. She has been identified as an easy piece of tail. People she knew as "friends" now smirk at her, if they deign to gaze upon her at all. She's about to have her children informed of her lack of morals.

And you're surprised she's vexed?

It's seemingly cruel, rt, but it's necessary.

Did you decide you wanted to save your marriage right away? Was there a point you didnt know what to do? I know all situations are different.
My ww after exposure told me she was so mad she wouldnt even talk about looking at our marriage.
That is a hard thing to hear but I have been taking it grain of salt as she is on withdrawl and after that she probably would change her attitude.
Exposure was good in ways and other ways it has brought out the Anger like I cant believe.

I understand she is angry but what happened to my wife. Never seen this kind of anger out of her for anything.

Did you ever read the book The Exorcist? That is what you are dealing with here. The crazy thing is that once they come out of the fog...they don't remember the hurtful things they said and did.

Stay focused and work on getting those kids. They need you right now. Take this time to also work on yourself. Eat, sleep, workout, and look good. Once you get custody arrangements finalized, you will have more opportunity to Plan A.

Hang in there rt.

RT,

I guess I was bit "lucky" in that after exposure, my WW was pissed for about a weekend...in hindsight, the affair, the PA, had ended months before...she was just holding on to 'be friends' -- (after doing THAT, it must mean something, right???).

Oh, she flipped, called some people who knew....wanted ME to defend HER to OMs mommy after his mommy called me...but things settled down, she "came to"...fog started to lift.

To this day, however, I really believe she has no clue of the venom she spewed those few days.

Whatever. Exposure ended her affair, and that's the goal. A WWs reaction is still never as evil as an ongoing affair is itself.

RT,
About 3 months into my affair, POSOM paid for me to go see a lawyer. Little did he know that the only thing this did for me was smack me in the face with reality. Right then I knew I didn't want to lose my family and my husband.

However, I was drugged up enough that I couldn't give up my fix. I continued the affair with POSOM for 2.5 more years! He knew during this time that I had no intention of ever leaving my family.

I think this is why he called my husband and exposed because he finally realized I meant what I said when I said I wasn't leaving. I think he waited 2.5 years to see if I would change my mind and when I didn't, he decided to drop a bomb.

So, my situation is a bit different. I just couldn't give up having my needs met by two people. I really was addicted.

That's why I keep saying that you wife is an alien and is on drugs! You ruined her fix and she's mad as heck!
CT