Hi,

I am willing to expose, but do you think I have enough evidence to support my case?

I just read your thread.
You are young. Young enough to find a good man and develop a good relationship.
You have only been married 3.5 years with no kids.
I understand you have been together 12 years, so that means you were school boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Seriously, if I were you I would consider cutting my losses and move on.
You are young enough to still find a good mate without a lot of "baggage."

He admitted to the affair, correct? While I think you have enough already, it may be that he tries to cover it up after you expose.

I�m certainly not a vet here, but this is what I think you should do: Write down all the information you have, or type it up in a word document. Save all those emails. Get yourself a VAR and see if you can get him on tape admitting to the affair. Having him on tape admitting to the affair will certainly be enough, but be careful how you go about this. You don't want him to suspect that you're baiting him. Once you have exposed, you need to stash that evidence somewhere safe. The best recommendation I have is to put it on a thumbdrive and encrypt it using TrueCrypt (www.truecrypt.org). It's a free program, and unless you have the password, it is completely un-crackable.

Don't tell him or anyone else you have this evidence. Simply offer to show evidence to anyone who asks for proof. I'll defer to the vets to help me out with the legality of a monitoring a conversation with only one-party's consent. I know it is legal in many circumstances, and I'm sure it's legal to do in your own home, but I could be wrong in this situation.

After exposure, Plan A him as long as you are emotionally capable. Good luck!

You have the emails. They should easily be enough. What do they say?

Hey HDW, thanks for reading my thread.

The problem is not that I am afraid that I will not be able to find someone else. This is the last of my worries. The problem is that I love this man and I want to be sure that I have done everything I could to save my marriage before (and if) checking out. He constantly gives me mixed signals, if I withdraw he complains and asks what's wrong and if I show some interest he automatically withdraws...

Hi AJJ,

no he did not admit the A. He says that she is just a friend. He apologies for his behaviour telling me that if he was in my place he would have thought the same. He told me that he was doing some things on purpose (i.e. constantly attached to his phone, not providing me some affection, etc.) just to test me because I was too controlling. I am not convinced. I believe that he was/is involved with this girl. I can easily install a VAR in his car as I have the spare key to record his telephone conversations in the car?... Maybe I should...

@Sugarcane: The three emails are written on a friendly tone, but the content is suspicious. These are:

1st email
-----------------------------
Hi WH,
there is something wrong with my phone, it is stuck and I will not be able to receive your txts.

Please help,
OW xxx

2nd email (from WH)
------------------------
Oh no! try this and this and tis. So now what? I will not be able to text you?

3rd email (from OW)
--------------------------
Hi WH,

it was me calling you from the land line. Please answer or call back when you can.

---------------------------
Can you please give me your opinion regarding these emails? Are these enough?

I do not want to sound like a jealous b$%^, but I find these emails suspicious (along with fact that when I asked him if he knows a girl with this name he refused). My main point regarding these mails is that who would send such an email to a simple friend just because their mobile phone is stuck?

Big red flags!! concerning those text messages. And sounds very much how my WH's EA started which escalated into a PA. You might want to head over to the "operation Investigate" forum and find out about spyware for the cell phone. It captures all text messages for you. My personal favorite is trackwary.com

hi FFH5
always trust your intuition. if you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason.

He is having his emotional needs met by both you and his girlfriend. So if you withdraw, he becomes upset. He is having his cake and eating it too

so, should I withdraw? Or expose the affair first?

EXPOSURE NUCLEAR STYLE!!!