Someone who would do this must have a few screws loose. Right? Does anyone k ow what the psychological profile might be?

Poor boundaries around men and then willing to let them meet her needs creates a HIGH so strong it is comparable to crack cocaine.

She will not be insane if she tightens her boundaries and only lets her spouse meet her needs.

Her craziness is her wanting the HIGH. It is so chemically strong she is willing to sacrifice everything.

In the end they all crash and burn and become 100x more depressed then before the adultery started.

Hell is a dark and miserable place ... she is falling fast.

I called Dr Harley about this a few years ago and he said that serial cheaters are usually addicted to cheating. But with appropriate boundaries they can recover. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...flat&Number=2546054&#Post2546054

Melody! Nice to hear your voice!
And thanks for the link.

Thanks Melody.... It was good to hear your voice.

So it Could be a character flaw OR Could be addicted to being in Love OR Could be personality disorder...

He said it was most likely an addiction to cheating. He said that those with a personality disorder usually didn't get married in the first place. And unless your wife has other serious character defects, like robbing banks and molesting children, it is not a character disorder.

Just curious; why do you need the diagnosis, when you already have access to the treatment?

There are alcoholics who don't have affairs, people with BPD/ADHD/Borderline/Schizophrenia/Dementia/Brain Trauma who DON'T have affairs... and some who do.

Addiction is the only thing that mirrors adultery across the board; it afflicts people of every walk of life, and has very little to do with the post-act judgement outside eyes.

Addiction doesn't care about your wealth or poverty, your courage or conviction, your intelligence or character, your great friends or close family.

Adultery is hardly any different than that.

I wouldn't need a treatment if I avoided the disease.

Besides, Treatment does no good if you do not have a willing participant.

Aren't some people more prone to addition than others? Genetics? I mean I can have a beer a couple times a week and I'm not an alcoholic, but I have a close friend who cannot be around alcohol at all. If he is exposed to it, he falls off the wagon for months.

Genetics does do it. Alcoholism seems to skip generations in my family which if it is true, my kids would be. My theory is that the drunk generation never sees the product of drunkenness, so...

Back on topic, I stay away from alcohol. I know that it runs in my family and that I feel GREAT when I have even the tiniest amount, so I give it a wide berth.

Phoenix - there are those low bottom waywards ... just like the low bottom drunks ... they have to lose it all and then some before they hit China and realize they are really at their bottom.

I suspect the chemical HIGH one gets in adultery can had drastic changes to the human brain. Just like one hit of crack can ruin a person forever and then there are those who can try crack a couple times and never get addicted.

The issue is the solution is the same. No Contact for life ... albeit booze, drugs, adultery, or any other mind altering substance.

Your wife may have some genetics, some environment, and some who knows and that is why her adultery isn't taking a beating with EXPOSURE.

Dr. Harley has talked extensively about a waywards selfishness before the adultery. In my case, Dr. Harley described my WH as a very very selfish man before he committed adultery and reckoned his selfishness is driving his actions today versus a deep fog. Granted my WH is deep in the fog, but his selfishness is refusing to let go of "THE HIGH". He is relentless in pursuing the OW to recreate "THE HIGH" he once had with her.

The fact is my WH knows right from wrong and is willing to intentionally sacrifice me and all our children for a chance to be with the whore who at best may give him a couple more months. Dr. Harley said it clearly, "My WH selfishness will be an anchor around any woman's neck, and likely OW has already felt his weight."

The best you can do if you want to save your marriage is Plan A followed by a dark Plan B.

Her POSOM will not beable to sustain her ... their adultery will die ... What can you do to persevere in the meantime?

The goal now is for you to weather the storm and try your hardest to stick to your plan.

OM will be gone sooner than you can imagine ... let their selfishness annihilate this adultery.

Thank you PI..

I'm done with my WW for now. I have no doubt this affair will go down in flames sooner rather than later.

My question is both reflective and forward looking.

Looking back, I was far too trusting of WW. The red flag that I either missed or chose to ignore is her poor boundaries around other men.

Looking forward, I want to make sure I do not make same mistakes again and make sure I know what to look out for.

My wife may not be a serial cheater. The jury is still out on that one. My gut tells me yes but I don't yet know. I do feel like I need to know the truth.

Thanks

Phoenix,
Here ya go:

I've been reading a lot of posts by betrayed husbands. So, as a FWW (I can finally put the F in there!), I would like to share some thoughts with you.

I'm finding a lot of BH's are trying to "figure out" what their wives are thinking and feeling. That's not possible or even logical.

Here's a list of my opinions that might help the BH's on this thread:

-During the affair, your wife is not herself. She is a drug addict. She is literally high on these body chemicals: dopamine, testosterone, and oxytocin.

-A no contact letter is essential if you're going to repair. She must write one to the OM.

-Do not believe anything she says. Actions speak louder than words.

-She "thinks" this other creep is her soul mate but he is NOT! Again, think meth addict. She'll do whatever she can to get her fix.

-Follow through on any consequences that you demand.

-Guaranteed her POSOM is exactly that. Anyone who has an affair is also a liar. Your wife and her POS are feeling high because they're "in this together". Think: Mickey and Mallory Knox from Natural Born Killers.

-Your wife has no idea who POSOM really is. He is what she has made him out to be.

-Make POSOM's life a living hell for him. Do whatever you can legally to drive him away from your wife.

-Stay confident. Take care of yourself.

- Remember that she is rewriting history. You two were in love at some point otherwise you would not have gotten married. Do not believe her when she begins to make your history out to be worse than it was.

-POSOM's are scared wimps. Do not allow fear to hold you back from keeping or getting your wife back. Guaranteed her POSOM will dump her upon realizing that he DOES have stuff to lose and she's not worth it.

-If POSOM is married, you must tell his wife. If he is single or divorced, you must expose him to anyone who has influence on him.

-POSOM is most likely planning an attack on your WW (not you). The attack may involve you but he's getting tired of being at the bottom of her list. Be sure to keep him there.

-Be sure your WW sees the effects her selfish acts are having on your children.

-Keep showing your WW that you have always and still do love her without allowing her to walk all over you.

-Read SAA........this is so advantageous in seeing the process of a WW who is "far gone" and acts on her high.

-Your situation is NOT UNIQUE! Your WW is not special to the POSOM. You can bust up the affair with proper exposure.

-Protect yourself in any way you can (a post nup during affair recovery).

-Most of all, realize her fix is her number one priority. The increase in all three chemicals is making her feel on top of the world. She "thinks" her feelings are real. She thinks she'll feel like this forever.

-Your WW will crash and burn at some point. It might take years but she'll come to realize what an addict she was. She'll consider herself lucky if she didn't lose everything.

I hope this helps some you BH's out there!
CT
_________________________

This LINK <~~~ Is MY OPINION only. Not MB material. Based upon my years of reading/posting on this forum and making observations.

CT, this is good, thanks! I think worthy of notable posts....

Thanks PB!!!

My WW is about 50/50. I'm not sure who she is or was.

I've found out over last year that she is an extremely good liar.

The extraordinary precautions must be written in cement.

Thinking some more about this. Her moral compass is not broken. She knows right from wrong. When we were growing up (same town) I was wild as hell and stayed in trouble all the time. She steered clear of it. BUT my parents had a healthy marriage and hers did not (still don't). So here is what I think...

- no understanding of boundaries around men
- crazy mother
- her parents have bad marriage which I contribute to her mother
- her mother has told her over and over that she needs to be independent
- bad relationship with dominant controlling mother
- leads to WW not being able to have healthy relationship with other women
- close friends are men OR weak women
- low self confidence, which causes her to need constant reassurance

I think that nails it...

Or it could just be me

I think my wife is addicted to Facebook affairs, irregardless if they turn physical or not.

My wife meets everything you posted.

Mine meets all but the meaningful relationships with other women.