|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400 |
You're right CV, I really didn't feel anything for her, but it was obviously still there. Possibly because of our history.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Who is this creature who was willing to run off to a hotel with a married man while his marriage was in crisis? There is no way any decent woman would get involved in someones revenge like that. How long had she known you? Do you understand how foggy it is to refer to her as a "lady"?  You haven't answered my q about contact.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400 |
Sorry to disagree, but a marriage is a contract, not a law. When one party voids the contract, the marriage, is over and all that is left is processing the paperwork.
Last edited by mirrormirror; 03/06/12 11:56 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Legally it is adultery.
What about contact with this OW?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400 |
My marriage wasn't in crisis, my marriage was over. BTW, until we moved to Chi-town, I had contact with this lady every working day. Unlike others, however, I can control my urges. Adultery is an action, we did nothing but talk.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
You seem very keen to avoid my q's regarding contact
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400 |
This Lady works with my father's company, and not only did I see her every day, but my wife worked with her the same amount. They are friends, and my wife knew about the lady and I the whole time, I hid nothing. The Lady isn't a "creature", she is an old family friend , business associate, and at one time , my college GF.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Get help. I am too busy to volunteer my time to someone not serious about their marriage
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 400 |
I am sorry you feel that way, Indie, but you and other posters don't know me, or my wife, or our dedication to our new marriage. When I said that I was contemplating a getaway , you and others assumed I meant a "Romantic", one. Quite the contrary. This lady and I have known each other far too long, to engage in any kind of slap and tickle session, and also, I DO NOT KEEP SECRETS!!!! She is a valued friend to BOTH of us, and at times acted as a "go-between".
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I am sorry you feel that way, Indie, but you and other posters don't know me, or my wife, or our dedication to our new marriage. When I said that I was contemplating a getaway , you and others assumed I meant a "Romantic", one. Quite the contrary. This lady and I have known each other far too long, to engage in any kind of slap and tickle session, and also, I DO NOT KEEP SECRETS!!!! She is a valued friend to BOTH of us, and at times acted as a "go-between". It doesn't become nonromantic just because you call it that. You are describing romantic behavior and calling it nonromantic. Getaways are inherently romantic. The reason it would hurt your wife to do it is because it is romantic. You are describing the classic path to an affair.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 94
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 94 |
Mirror,
I have kept up with your situation from the start. I am a fan of yours because you actually got to put your hands on the om.
However reading some more of your posts I thought I might interject.
You are right that marriage is a contract and my thoughts were a lot like yours that when that is broken the marriage is broken. My SWIFF and I were separated after the d was filed for close to 7 months when I started dating.
Everybody in my family was happy for me that I was moving on----I however knew I was still married--even though the marriage was dead I knew I was painting the wrong picture for my kids. I knew I wasn't healed from the pain and needed more time to properly recover. I ended the relationship and will not date for quite some time.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we both were betrayed. You have a remorseful wife (you are very fortunate btw) I never did. No matter the pain that was inflicted when you are married you ARE MARRIED until it is legally done. It is way too easy to justify any other explanation my friend.
Don't lower yourself to believe that marriage is just a contract--it is a moral obligation that one needs to hold themselves accountable for everyone involved--not just themselves!
I tell my football players this all the time-you are a role model to everyone watching whether you like it or not.. I had to eat these words myself...
Last edited by InnerStrength; 03/06/12 01:13 PM.
Me-BH-39
WW-34 (Strugglingaz)
Married 7-dated 3 previous
D-10
D-6
1st D-day-2-26-11 2nd D-day-5-17-11
NC-3-9-11---Broke 4-2-11, 4-8-11-,5-16-11 Maybe more
BH-Filed for D-5-17-2011
Divorced 2-21-2012
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352 |
This Lady works with my father's company, and not only did I see her every day, but my wife worked with her...They are friends...I hid nothing...The Lady isn't a "creature", she is an old family friend, business associate, and...my college GF.
MM, not to beat an expired equine, but reconciling the damsel you describe above with the backstory of "...and she was willing to point her feet to the ceiling and let me use her sexually while I was recently estranged from my WW", is giving me some trouble.
I guess I'm not as perspicacious as I imagined myself to be.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389 |
Mirrormirror,
Look in the mirror. Not to be cute, but I mean that with all seriousness. Surely one with such a mindset as your own has NO BUSINESS criticizing other wayward spouses at this time. You sir, are throwing stones inside your glass house.
Last edited by alis; 03/06/12 01:49 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 550
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 550 |
Do you know that if you want to have a safe marriage, the rule of no friends from opposite sex implies to you as well, even though you are BS in this equasion? 
Me, FWW: 43
Mr_Recon6mo, FWH: 44
DD20 and DS23
3 cats
Married 23 years, together 24
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
Indie and CV. I have already said in other posts, that I am not a religious person. My marriage vows were made TO her and hers TO me, when I discovered the affair, and that she had broken her vows, that made mine superfluous. Our marriage is and was ALWAYS a union of two independent persons of free will. If the covenant or pact is broken by one party it can no longer be binding on the other party.Following D-day, I did what I could to protect my children and to heal myself. My wife , at that time , was no longer my concern. I didn't mention God or religion. I was speaking of personal integrity and principles and boundaries... Faithfulness, honesty, integrity... Those principles we (should) personally hold to. Principles that transcend culture, religion, age, nationality... One of the neat things about fidelity is that being faithful means being faithful no matter what the other person is doing. Not "unless I get an out". CV
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
CV, I NEVER, at any time or in any fashion, attempted to coerce, force, persuade, beg or demand anything from her , AT ALL. During our few and short conversations , immediately after discovery, I emphatically told her that the marriage was over and any efforts at R were wastes of time. The only suggestions I made, were for her to seek therapy (if you recall, she was close to a nervous breakdown and possibly suicidal) and the other suggestion was for her to attempt to reconcile with her daughters. She made the decision to attempt to regain my love , independent of any prompting from me and without any real hope that it would accomplish anything. Why, because she loved and wanted ME more than she wanted anything else, even life. It was and is her total dedication that brought me back . Ok. So your own wife was able to turn the love on and off like a faucet? I remember her state and am glad she is doing so much better. CV
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
Legally it is adultery.
What about contact with this OW? morally it is adultery too.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
This Lady works with my father's company, and not only did I see her every day, but my wife worked with her the same amount. They are friends, and my wife knew about the lady and I the whole time, I hid nothing. The Lady isn't a "creature", she is an old family friend , business associate, and at one time , my college GF. MM, Cuckolding your wife doesn't make it any less adultery. And BTW, old family friend , business associate, and at one time, my college GF is the triple threat. The fact you had a hotel room means that the conversation went beyond its appropriate boundaries and there was intention.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
I am sorry you feel that way, Indie, but you and other posters don't know me, or my wife, or our dedication to our new marriage. When I said that I was contemplating a getaway , you and others assumed I meant a "Romantic", one. Quite the contrary. This lady and I have known each other far too long, to engage in any kind of slap and tickle session, and also, I DO NOT KEEP SECRETS!!!! She is a valued friend to BOTH of us, and at times acted as a "go-between". So MM, what was the purpose of a "getaway" at a hotel with another woman? CV
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Do you know that if you want to have a safe marriage, the rule of no friends from opposite sex implies to you as well, even though you are BS in this equasion? No he isn't aware of it, Mrs R. He hasn't bothered doing the reading.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
502
guests, and
107
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
