Today is WH's birthday. He hasn't make any plans with the kids...nor even with his older kids... just saying.

Not surprised.

How are you holding up?

Last evening, a bad feeling start creeping up. Today during the day also. Luckily, I was so busy at work, couldn't indulge much.

Now I am OK. Once one of the posters mentioned the "gift of clarity" that WH can give. I think this was one of those.

I spoke with his ex-wife today because her kids are under my health insurance and we need to coordinate in case of D. She mentioned that her kids are so devasted by WH behavior. She asked me if I was planning to call WH and wish him happy birthday.

Even without plan B, I really do not want to talk to him now, or have anything to do with him. I told her I am still open to work on M IF he changes gears completly. No other way. Very clear.

Thanks for checking, Scotty!

I think any communications with his ex W should probably go through an IM. I shudder to think of the trigger.

Good point Scotty (as always).
I do not really need to talk to her. I think I called her because I wanted to commiserate a bit about WH. Not a good idea in Plan B (you are right, huge trigger) but today was his birthday... and the whole thing was kinda of sad.

Lean on US next time. Commiserate HERE, and leave the triggers alone. There are going to be triggers which you can NOT control(like mine with my FIL's email), and those will be hard enough to deal with.

All in all, getting through the first birthday after starting Plan B such a sort while ago, and getting this outcome today wasn't all that bad. I am looking to help you with the future.

And, in all of my help with you finding colours for your toes, I decided to change mine up. Tomorrow, while I am at work, it's going to be the sparkle nail polish that I am going to buy, and when I put it on, it will be in honour of you, and every other Plan Ber. I thank you.

Thank you, Scotty!!!

I guess Plan B works so well that sometimes we lower our precautions.

It happened to me yesterday. I thought I survived WH birthday (on Tuesday), but yesterday (Wednesday) he took all the kids for dinner (ours and his) to a nice restaurant and kids came back late and happy. I felt so excluded.

And then, when WH was dropping kids, I was going to my room to wait until they are inside and doors are closed, but then, I turned my head and glimpsed at the bedroom window that faces the street, and WH was just in an angle that I could catch a sight of him.

I could not believe how this was enough to trigger a punch to my stomach, that stayed there for a good couple of hours.

It also triggered obsessing throughts about what to do when WH decides to come back home. Of course, nothing has changed, he has not asked to come back. Life goes on.

I am better this morning. Know to be extra careful next time.

Lesson learned, that's the important thing. You see what to change, and move on.

You'll do better next time.

Progress not perfection.

Thanks, Neak and Pep!

Another progress: A friend changed my password to the eBlaster reports so if I want to access them now, there are few extra steps that will make me think twice before I do it.

And life goes on...

Good for you!

Oh Estrela, I am so glad to hear this. Stay your course. You're doing great.

Soooooooo, what colour are your toes today? Did you pick up any of the sparkly stuff I suggested?

They are kind of orangy glittery.

I will change the color next week, since I will have a girly weekend with 2 of my best friends from my home country.
They will be coming for a visit (I think it is for the support but the excuse is a conference) and we will spend time together.

WH will keep the kids for 2 nights and I will stay in their hotel.

I am so looking forward to this break. I will stop trying to be "reasonable" and "strong" and just be silly for the weekend.

That sounds FANTASTIC. I'm a little jealous.

Orange sparkle, that sounds fun too.

Being a huge Clemson fan, I definitely love it! LOL



You're doing great estrela. Hang in there.

I spent a nice weekend away with the kids, and other than triggers when I see families spending time together, we had a grand time.

Today, my youngest got sick and I am staying home with him.

Since today is WH night to take them to dinner, I asked IM to let him know about it. WH called DS and they spoke for a while.

Then, I got a text from IM saying that WH told her he was going to call (already did) and asking the phone number of the therapist (the one we went together after 1st A).

I gave it to her, since the damage was already done, but I need to tell IM how much this was damaging to me!

First, I gave him the therapist phone number in the addendum to Plan B letter. Then, he could have googled it like any normal person.

Soooo, I started to wonder if he is trying to signal me something. And it could be two things:

1) WH is getting tired of playing Casanova, and is considering doing the favor of coming back home; or 2) WH is ready to move on, but do not want to have guilty feelings that did not try everything, so will go to the therapist so she can tell him he is right.

My IM shouldn't have sent me this message. I will talk to her about it...

If you get any message that you are not supposed to receive through your IM have her tell him that "there is no relevant info to pass on"

Has she checked out the IM training thread?

Your WH will also try third parties and notes etc to try to reach you.

If anyone tries to pass you a message say 'he has a way of reaching me and he is not allowed to pass messages on in this way'

I foolishly allowed one of my WHs football team mates to call me up asking if I had his boots as they had a game tomorrow.

Stupidly I answered him, and this encouraged WH to try and reach me in a flurry of messages through friends and relatives.

He doesn't like using my IM as she doesn't allow frivoulous time wasting messages and that's all he is interested in giving.

Does your IM have a copy of your Plan B letter? She should know what's in it and she should refer him back to the Plan B letter whenever he gives her a silly message.

If your wayward was serious he would go NC as he was told in the Plan B letter.

Anything less you should not hear about

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am starting to panic and get deeply sad.
I scheduled a bunch of meetings at work on purpose to keep me with other people, and I have to take the kids to an activity in the evening. So I will be busy.
But now something is creeping up...

I found that the dread of special days was usually way worse than the actual day, but that was just my experience.

I took the whole week to celebrate my birthday recently. Lots of plans with friends, fingerpainting with the little ones, my favourite meals all week, a facial, and lots of quiet evenings with my favourite films and microwave popcorn.

Us Plan Bers deserve the best!