You are telling us that you prefer replies that are shotgun non-specific.
You ought to look for laser like replies instead.

Yes, there is something that leads me to believe that, CWMI, so I am waiting for an unequivocal answer to my question from this poster. I'm sorry if my question distracts you.

It's okay if you don't see anything to question here. Please do continue to give your advice.

This poster's comments rang wrong to me, as well. I was trying to determine if he/she was a man or a woman, and if he/she was in a homosexual relationship. His/her posts are evasive. That evasiveness serves no purpose other than to cause posters to give advice that may not be applicable to his/her sitch.

Marriage Builders is built for a traditional marriage between a man and a woman; born that way, living that way. This poster is wasting his/her time if their sitch is different. AND wasting the time of our members.

Many same-sex individuals will claim, and believe, that they are married if they traded vows to each other.

I believe it's been demonstrated to this poster that he/she needs to reveal the exact nature of his/her circumstances in this particular case. I don't give extraneous info on the internet, either, but in this case it is necessary for accurate advice.

Good evening ! This weekend I want to work on the letter informing my family about what had happened.

Can someone suggest the format that is most appropriate. I guess, that should state the facts, what facts exactly.
He wants to forget immediately and move on.

Should the exposure letter include my concern about the lack of compassion and empathy toward me ?

If he says he loved two women, what do I say to that.

If he says, that was over long time ago (3 years ago), what am I to say ?

I will be travelling and willnot be able to get any books but I want to send hand written letters very soon.
....

If you want some real help I would suggest posting the entire truth of what's going on. Nobody here can help you if you don't give full disclosure of your situation. This bits and pieces crap won't cut it.

TigerWes,
I have posted it two days ago. I do not want to clutter the site posting it over and over. Can you see my first two messages ?

I have replied that I am female. These threads are not easy to navigate. I told my story in the first two post. Ther is no point to keep repeating it and cluttering subsequent e-mails. I am NEW to that site and wanted to get most balanced help.

Adam/eve, check out the thread in my signature. It has some good templates there. Tell them about the affair, the OW's name, the length of the affair, etc.

I would find the OW's facebook page and expose to her family too. [instructions on the thread in my signature]


No, only tell them about the affair and ask for their support.


Remind him that is infidelity.


What matters is the truth, and it was not over a long time ago. The affair is still active today and will be active as long as there is continued contact. He has not ended his affair.

Thanks a lot Melodylane.

Eve, sorry I missed that you did refer to your husband as "he," and thanks to CWMI for pointing it out.

Navigating the threads is actually a fairly easy skill to pick up with some practice, as long as you're willing to move your mouse around, hover on stuff to see if it's clickable, and click to see what it does -- and it's incredibly useful! One thing I say to posters in crisis is to be sure to read their entire threads and not miss any questions or suggestions. Rereading your entire thread periodically the first few days to make sure you don't miss anything will serve you well.

As MelodyLane says, the very first thing that you need to do is to expose this affair. Read her link on the subject and build a plan what to do, and fire the trigger on that plan as soon as possible after you have it aimed. The longer an affair goes on, the more it becomes entrenched.

After exposure, the wayward husband will go ballistic, will blame you for everything, will say all kinds of ridiculous things designed to cause you to be emotional rather than rational. He will say he was going to break it off but now you've ruined it, he will say you had no right to do this, he will say that you exposing was unforgiveable (which is ridiculous, since he is having an AFFAIR for crying out loud! That's not the pot calling the kettle black; it's the pot calling a white dove black.) Let all this crap roll off you like water off a duck's back, because it makes no difference at all and doesn't let you know at all what he will do when he finally calms down.

Don't come back saying his reaction means it is over or anything, because we already know what his first reaction will be, and it's irrelevant, although it's going to be a nasty little storm for a day or two.

Shine the light on this so it can start dying and drying up.