Plan A.

'I miss the happy us'

response
'Me too handsome.....let's rebuild the happy us and make it even better. XXXOOO'

Don't mix up the plans. You aren't doing NC bc he can still text you.When you are in Plan B you will be totally dark and unreachable.

For now concentrate on Plan A, lay it on thick and snoop snoop snoop. Plan A is not complete without exposure and you need to find proof.

I agree with mb that being out of the maritalhome puts you at an enormous disadvantage.

Much of the plans hinge on public opinion in exposure and the WSs own sense of shame. He is playing the 'she left me' card full tilt.

If he wants privacy to conduct his A, he can leave, not you - you have done nothing wrong.



This is an empty threat designed to keep you away and leave him privacy to conduct his A. I also believe the fight you had was designed by him to get you to leave.

If he were to make good on the threat, great. It will mean he has torpedoed his own PR plan by failing to provide for his wife and child, and it will get him out of the house.

But he won't move out. The cake eating texts make that clear.



This is classic cake eating.Your WH is addicted to having two women meet his needs. He needs to demonise you and keep you at arms length in order for his affair privacy. However he needs to keep you the back burner.

Saying he misses the 'happy us' is actually a dig, saying your present behaviour makes him unhappy. Having two women makes you big headed. He is implying that if you work harder, do as he says etc then he might miss you enough to award you the prize -him.

Get advice about your finances. Waywards spend money like water. That's YOUR money and your childs. Isn't WH liable to support you in a separation? You will need that to keep the house for your Plan B.

I would get a bulldog lawyer lined up, pack your bags and move back in.

Greet him at the door wearing a big smile and say 'I miss the happy us too!'

Be prepared for him to freak. Be as deaf as the proverbial post. Be prepared for him to threaten to move out, be maddeningly calm: 'I hope you won't abandon your family, but its your decision'Be prepared for him to storm out, make dinner while he's gone.

Yes, you CAN move back in. You should not leave your home because your husband is catting around. GO HOME.

Thank you! So just an update, H hit rock bottom and called me. I went over and we talked, he swears he hasn't slept around since we have been separated and wants to work things out. I'm really not sure what to do from here. I feel like I should have some boundaries and a plan for making our marriage work this time. But I have no idea where to start or even how to bring it up in conversation! I hate feeling uncertain!

The last contact we had I was plan a-ing so I think I will continue to do that and enhance my snooping. He wants me to move back in so that will make it much easier!

Thank you again for your help indiegirl!

Have you read the thread Carrot and Stick of Plan A?

Don't take the word of a wayward, they lie.

Have you read the thread about EPs?

Get VARs anywhere he will talk on the phone alone and in his car. Don't cheap out, you don't want to hear nothing but static at a critical time.

GPS in the car

Keep your eye on that phone of his. Foggy minds forget things. Mine had it in the shower too, but then one day, voila, he left it sat out with incriminating texts on. Learn how to install
spyware on your own phone in case you get an opportunity and need to do it quickly.

Get a keylogger on the computer.

Don't forget old fashioned snooping. My most incriminating piece of evidence was fished out of his pockets.

Ohhhh yes you'll need to insist he commit to EPs to recover once you've uncovered this A.

Yep, I've read as much as possible from this site and I have bookmarked the EP's so I can keep them fresh in my memory.

Thanks for the tip about practicing how to install spyware on my phone! I will def do that. And I'll keep snooping around.

Will keep you posted with how it's all progressing!

So I'm back to square one I think... At first I was hesitant to accept H's apology and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

I then told him i would commit to working this out but that we have to follow the POJA and meet each others EN's. He agreed and I sent him links etc. I also wrote down a list of 15 boundaries or things I wanted to see happen. For example I said that we need to remain selfless and responsible when consuming alcohol (he has a binge drinking problem - when he starts he any stop) and to attend a communication course together etc. He agreed to all 15 of them as well.

He wanted me to move back in. I said not yet, we would move to a new house together that is closer to his new work. He wasn't happy with that but agreed anyway. I saw emails on his computer to random girls asking for pics and confronted him. He denied that he has been with another girl, just wanted pics to wank over and I believed.

I then paid his car registration as it was due and he had no $ to pay it. I got sick and was bedridden for two days so stayed with my mum so she could look after our baby. On the third night I was heading home to H and he says he is having drinks that night. I enforced my boundary (putting family before alcohol) and said ok, I don't want to be put in a situation where I have to put up with his crappy behavior so I'll come over another night.

He said ok he will hang out with his brother instead. I wasn't ok with that as He was telling me all week he couldn't wait to spend the weekend having family time so I thought he would not drink and spend time with us instead. Not so. I told him I felt like he failed at respecting my boundary and he responded with 'I feel like you failed me'. I have no idea how but anyway... Today I called to see if he wanted to spend time with us and he hung up on me. I texted him and I'm still yet to receive a reply.

So I went over to our house and installed a free trial of a keylogger on his computer. I've done some snooping but come up with nothing solid yet. I had access to his phone the other day but it has a pin code on it that I don't know!

I've kept reading MB every day and especially about false recovery. I have kept one thing in my mind this whole time which is 'don't let FEAR be my guide'. I hope I can keep it up, since I made some pretty silly mistakes this week when I let the info from MB slide a little. Not happy.

So that's my update anyway....

What happened to moving back in so you could snoop and Plan A him?

You would kick him out to Plan B him unless he measures up.

He leaves, not you.

I do hope he isnt seeing this site? When you introduced him to MB, did you keep the site secret so we can advise you to snoop?

No he isn't aware of MB. At least I don't think so. I copied the content into notes and emailed those to him.

I was going to move back in and plan A but decided I could do it while seeing him when I was there. I didn't have alot of faith that he his attitude had changed and I didn't want to be stuck with the house and all those bills if I had to kick him out again. So far he has had to borrow $5000 from family members just to pay his bills and even that didn't cover it.

I plan on calling him tomorrow at work but I'm not entirely sure what to say. I want to stick to my boundaries but he could find it all too hard.

Let me see, he displays independent behavior by going out. You counter with your own independent behavior of taking his child and leaving.

He asks you to come home, but you wont for several days. Then you agree to move out instead of working on the marriage, and you wonder why he thinks the marriage is over?

You've basically told him with your actions that you don't want to be with him. (Not saying that he's not doing the same things.)

The point is, what are you doing (not saying, doing) to demonstrate that you do want to be married?

Sezzard you need to put your war general head on and fix this very real problem of giving the enemy so many advantages in the marital home. The following are targets you need to hit.

Public opinion re exposure;
Means much less if YOU left him

Causing havoc in the A.
How do you think his mistress will feel if he moves his wife back in? BIG row. How much attention will she get with you plan Aing him? Right now you are giving him complete freedom to cheat in the marital home. Now and later. Its a waywards dream.

Giving him a home to long for in Plan B;
Self explanatory.


Why do you speak of 'his' money and 'your' money. You're married for heavens sake. Find a lawyer to ensure you are supported in your home and prevent any spending..

Even if this were impossible, don't leave him alone in that house, and kick him out to Plan B. Even if you have to pack up yourself and return to your parents the week after, make that part of your exposure: 'WHs spending on this woman will likely see us made homeless next week' etc.

DONT gift him a love shack for the A you are battling. Make it YOUR war base.

Plus you can't snoop this way. Even a wayward is capable of not screwing up if you're only around part time.

Enlightened ex - thank you for pointing that out. I am doing nothing to show him I want to be married!!

Indiegirl - you are right (again)! Lol I referred to money as mine and yours because that's how it's been since he left. I am the breadwinner in our family and pay all the bills while he only earns enough to put food on the table (about 250 a week). So when I left I no longer paid the rent or his car payment etc.

I will call him today and see when I can move back in so I can start my plan a. He doesn't have a mistress so nothing really to expose other than the fact that he is on a dating site. I'm keeping an eye on this though (with the key logger) as something might come out of it and then I will be able to expose.

Well its wise to decide on nothing without verification. However I thought your instinct that some woman had been in the home was spot on.If she's been there once, she may expect to return and you need to block all possible incoming modes of attack.

I now know the pin to his phone as I offered to take a pic of him with our son... He watched me like a hawk with it and demanded it back once I reviewed the photos.
He is definitely hiding something but he might change his pin now as he knows I know it. I have stored it in my phone but might pretend to forget it everytime I need to use it...
Now I just wait for my opportunity.