MM,
One of the things you said struck home.."what if He is waiting on you?!?!"

I smiled when I read that because I know the answer. I'm not waiting on the lord to fix the problem out of the blue. I'm working on me to be a better man all around. I am also using love as a tool to show my humility, respect and grace. I'm leading by example and showing my wife only the best parts of me. I stay in constant communication and send out invites every day to dinner or to say hi or whatever excuse I can find to see her. This morning I called her and said I didn't have anything to report, but I just wanted to hear her voice and hopes she has a great day. She said "awww thanks".

Every day I review the battle plan and I look at different ways to attack the enemy. I look for weaknesses in the enemy so that I can exploit them. When things don't always go as planned, I redirect my approach. When I Plan B, I am going to fire for effect and she is going to either get really mad or she's going to wake up.

I have not been waiting for anything. I stay active in my Plan A and continue to pray and ask for the right path. I ask for those walls and doors as I'm following the path to recovery.

I know you are. That is why you will succeed...no matter what happens!

Just a little update:

Took my W out to dinner last night. We spoke about each other's work and the kids. Nothing exciting or bad happened.

This morning I noticed that she has been doing a peoplesearch and intellus (sp) search for the OM. She used her step sister's credit card to purchase the searches. I don't know if she found what she was looking for, but I'm pretty sure she has something.

I heard that the OMW is currently looking for a place of her own and they are splitting up which opens the door of opportunity, should my W be able to contact OM.

OMs status is still unknown and his proceedings still haven't taken place. I got news that there has been a lot of sweeping of adultery under the rug and some higher ups may end up getting relieved of their duties for it. Hopefully the OMs case will be an example to all and he gets the maximum penalty.

The fogginess in my W doesn't seem to be lifting. If it is, it's going very slow and she is definitely in withdrawal.

I'm doing fine though. Still in Plan A and just taking note of the lies I keep being told. I don't call her out on anything anymore. The latest lie was that she didn't have another phone, but my phone bill shows that she is call forwarding from another line. I'm not going to take action just yet. I may just wait until I actually Plan B. My MSA is the hold up. My lawyer says it should be ready by March 5th. More opportunity to Plan A.

It won't lift as long as she keeps contact... Even obliquely. Hang in there. you are doing a good job snooping. Keep blogging it, that way if things go further south, you have dates and such.

CV

She is still high as a kite -- she has him on her mind. Her addiction is continuing and his lovebank is likely high. This is where you will need Plan B ... it's coming ...

His lovebank might be high, but if she's looking for him, I assume there's no contact. I agree she's high as a kite and I believe that sooner or later if she doesn't find him, she may give up. I don't know though.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I just found out that my next door neighbor is the OMs First Sergeant. Imagine that! This whole time I didn't even know it. I spoke to her the other day and she said that she was surprised that I didn't come asking questions sooner and that she's glad I didn't because she can't give me any information. Their unit is closing and relocating to another base. Another positive is that the OM lives in another county and just bought his house. Marriage won't be an option for them because they won't be able to live there. They can see each other every other week though. Can't imagine how long that would last.

It's only a matter of time before this fantasy is over. The First Sergeant also told me that the OM was a piece of work. He tried to get her to hook him up with one of her friends. She put him in his place. I wish I could convey these things to my W. She doesn't know any of this right now.

GJM, and MM:
There is a new serviceman who needs your help here. Please look in and give him the military-related advice you would have that I don't. Thanx.

It's been a couple of weeks since I've updated my status. Recently my W has been pretty nice and we've spent some time together. We haven't talked about our relationship, but I feel like things are going in the direction that my Plan A will bring her back over time. The most recent thing that has happened is she invited me to the movies on Friday. She said I looked younger and happier. It hasn't been easy, but I've been finding ways to be happy.

Saturday my W and I had a talk about DS 12. He's coming to live with me after her week on Friday. She finally sees his unhappiness and has agreed to let him live with me. She has tried to win his affection over and over, but nothing has worked. I think he will be the key factor in getting our family back together. He doesn't know it, but I know my W knows it. I feel like things will fall into place eventually.

On a side note, this past week I got a notice from the court that we have a status conference August 30th. That's the day after our anniversary. I was expecting our D to be final in May. Plenty of time to continue Plan A.

Plan A can be enjoyable-ish.

You are doing a really good job of MBing.

Yay for your ds getting to be with you for the stability he needs and wants.

Thanx for updating. I was thinking about you yesterday, wondering how things were going. SOunds like you are on a HIGH of the roller coaster of Plan A. Remember, NO EXPECTATIONS. I know it is difficult not to look at what you are doing and seeing the changes in her attitude, but remember she is a WW, and that can change on a dime. I don't want you to get into a real LOW if that should happen. Remember, that it could happen and that you need to prepare for it.

Are you taking care of yourself? Have you discussed any counseling for the kids. Being separated from siblings as well as parents is most likely going to be difficult all around. I am certain you will do what's best for your kidlets. Take care and remember, you can always update us, we love to hear it.

Hi Scotty-
No, I don't have any expectations. I've actually spent more time on myself trying to find things that make me happy. I haven't had as many low days and I feel much stronger. I have been taking great care of myself. I've been gaining more weight and working out as I can.

My son won't be around his sister and brother for a week at a time, but he will still see them every day. I drive them all to school each day and we still have family dinners. I also still have 50/50 custody with the other two kids. DS12 was just so unhappy with my W and we had to do what was best for him.

I'm going to a parenting class this Thurs and Fri to have under my belt in case I need to prove how fit I am as a parent. Hopefully I'll learn something new because I feel like I've been doing a great job as a father lol...

I still read the boards each day so I'll be around for another update. Thanks.

Gunny, great update. You are using your time wisely! Keep up the Plan A.

On your son, Steve harley once told me that the marriage's biggest asset was the kids. That my wife would really have to go far and wide to escape the pull back because of the kids.

They are your secret weapon. They will pull her back. And if they dont? Well, she just made a huge tactical error agreeing to let older son live with you. Why? Because judges like to keep the family unit together as much as possible. They dont like splitting up siblings. So, it is a very good possibility that if this goes to court, that your 12 year old may be the anchor that has the judge state the other two will live with you also. So, you make sure your attorney is apprised of this!

But as I said, in the meantime...Plan A!

So after weeks of getting along well and going out and getting a kiss from my wife on Monday, it appears all of that went down the drain today. She found out that I was monitoring her emails and lashed out at me. She said we can't recover our marriage because she would always have to look over her shoulder and refuses to live that way.....

Back to the drawing board...I don't know what I can do at this point. I'm going to take some time to think about everything. It's frustrating to say the least. I told her that she wouldn't have to look over her shoulder if she was open and honest about everything. She said I don't let things go and save them to throw back in her face...fog babble...well I'll update later.

Fog for sure! You didn't yell, did you? As long as you didn't, you handled it well. "Of course I would look at your email," with a curious look, as if of course married people know what is in the other's email. Duh.

Her comment about saving things up to throw back later is something worth looking at closely, and being diligent to avoid if/when you make it to recovery.

"There should never be secrets between spouses, would you like some tea?"

As CWMI has stated, as long as there were no LBs, you did PLan A. If you did LB, learn from it and don't do it again. You can overcome her anger. Remember that.

Were you starting to Plan A with expectations? Sounds like maybe. Remember, NO EXPECTATIONS.

Definitely keep with your plan.

She is more mad that she created an environment that required her spouse to feel the need to monitor her. Cause, she liked you only knowing what she revealed directly. She liked having secrets from you. She is appalled of what you must have discovered with monitoring.

Don't let it, or her wayward reaction to finding out vere you.

Keep on keeping on.

I didn't yell at all. I still don't have any expectations. We actually had a good talk about everything. She said that she was trying to forgive herself so that she could ask me for forgiveness. She said that she went home last night and cried because of what she put me through. The conversation went well. Then I sent her a text to ask her a question regarding an email that her friend supposedly made up to see if I was checking up on them. My W said they planned it out to mess with me. Well when I sent her a picture of the email, I said this was your friend? She got angry and said I can't let things go and I was throwing it back in her face. I tried to tell her I was just verifying what we had talked about and it turned into her being really mad about it.

She finally came over for dinner and we talked a little more, but I feel like she put distance between us. Her knowing I have the ability to find out her passwords and who she communicates with makes her not want to recover our marriage. I had already told her it wouldn't be necessary if there was openness and honesty. I guess I need to give her some time to cool off before I talk to her again. It sucks because things were going so well. I wish I knew the right words to say, but I don't. My W said if I wasn't throwing it in her face, why did I keep the emails all this time. She wants to move on and not address anything that happened. She expects me to just forget the past 6 months.

My w said that she was invited to attend church on Saturday and she was thinking about going because of how well I'm doing because of it. Hopefully she goes and let's God into her heart. It's her week with the kids starting Friday, so I'll see how it goes. I'm just hoping we can still go out and she still talks to me about her day.

It's her being foggy that makes her not want to recover. She feels entitled to "privacy" and is angry that you are a step ahead of her.

You have rational things to say. Did you bring up a six month old email? Or a new one?

The email was from January. It was relevant because it was in the conversation. I wasn't trying to bring up anything to make the conversation about what I know or anything like that because shortly after the emails, I stopped monitoring. Actually it was February 11th that I stopped. I got tired of looking for things. That's when I started to look happier and more attractive to my W. She was telling me how her friend made the email up so I showed it to her to ask if that was the email she was talking about because there was another guy emailing her also. She didn't like that at all. She did say that the one guy she was emailing was to get back at me. She decided that it wasn't worth it and cut contact with him.

So for the past two months my W says that she stopped all the emails and has been only working on herself. I told her I would love to believe that, but she's told so many lies, it's hard to know if anything she says is true. That's when she said I lied about talking to the OMs wife. I said I did lie about that in order to save our marriage, but admitted to it later. Her response was that she can say she lied to save our marriage too. I said, but you're not trying to save our marriage. That's the difference. So here we are. She got quiet and didn't say much after that so I don't know where things are going to end up right now. All I can do is continue what I've been doing and see what happens.