Just wanted to give an update. My W signed the MSA today. The court date we had in August will be taken off the calendar and the divorce will most likely be final in May. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't really have much else to update other than my Plan A is still strong.

GJM, sorry to hear that. Know that everything you are doing to try and save your marriage is good, but that only you can do so much. It would take two to have a successful marriage. It is unfortunate in some ways that your wife is unwilling to have that. Keep up YOUR good work, you are an inspiration to us all.

Yes. You are one heck of a guy.

Very sad, GJM. I was hoping that a better resolution was possible for you. Like we discussed on the other thread, I thought you had a shot at being the exception to the "moved out" rule....

He still has the possibility for a good resolution.

All he can do is let time prove his stuff. Be the amazing man he is showing himself to be and let things unfold.....divorce or not.

Is it Plan B time, to cut her off and maybe realize what divorce will really be like? She may be thinking that you guys will continue to go out together and eat meals as a family...I don't know if you are planning to continue to do that after the divorce or not.

It may be time to Plan B. Up to you GJM.

Will you be Plan Bing her after the D?

I wouldn't Plan B her to wake her up though, since that's not the point of Plan B. But Plan Bing her because you are getting yourself ready for the D is a good enough reason for me.

A part of me believes that you could Plan A her right up until the D is final, and another part thinks that it may get too hard on ya. Up to you. Carry on. You've been doing great up until now.

She's thrown down the gauntlet. GJM, I think you should consider Plan B. She's has a pretty cozy life so far. I think a taste of life post-GJM might be helpful now.

I also think it will be helpful to YOU.

So sorry for the turn of events G. I do agree with reading though; this isn't over by a long shot. No advice to offer, just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there soldier

Thanks everyone. I am going to Plan A until the divorce is final. I can handle it. My W knows that things will not continue to be as they are once that day comes. We talked a couple of days ago and I told her again that there will be no friendship after the divorce. Even though I may not get her back, I got what I wanted in the agreement. I'd rather have her, but all things considering, at least she's not getting my retirement. My child support is also lower and I have DS 12 living with me. He's a huge part of the equation. He has a big influence over her and she is heartbroken that he wants to live with me. I have been doing things for myself and keep busy. I know that I will be ok in the end, but I wish things would have turned out differently. There's still time and I have faith that things will happen as they should. Still praying for walls and doors.

GJM, I respect your decision. As reading says, you are one heck of a guy.

I do question just how much your WW understands about you not being friends after divorce. I mentioned not being friends to my WH during Plan A as well. I know he didn't believe me... We need to remember that our WS's are not MB aware like we are. I take it for granted now, and struggle to explain to non-MB'er's the concepts as I take lovebanks and lovebusters as part of life.

My WH never believed I would really cut contact, I can see that through his actions in Plan A. Your WW may not totally understand what she will be losing in divorce, especially now that OM is not on the scene. The concept is different to actually experiencing it. I appreciated affairs must be hard for the BS before it happened to me but I never thought it would happen to me. Now I know. Now I really understand. From what you have posted, your WW doesn't really get it. She has an appreciation, but not knowledge of how she will react to life without you.

I'm sorry if this has already been covered but I have missed it. What is the point of your Plan A'ing until divorce? From the sounds of it, you will not continue Plan A post divorce (Plan B?) So... will you consider remarriage post divorce? I'm just curious as to what your motives for Plan A'ing until divorce are. I realise SH has recommended you do the longest Plan A you can, but with divorce now looming... should you contact him and check in?

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter today. I've been thinking a lot about my situation and what has happened since DDay. Today I told my W that I was letting her go. I've learned a lot about myself over the last 7 months. One thing I learned was how strong I've become.

While I was talking to my W about everything, the thing that came up was the lack of progress she was making at working on our marriage. Up until now I had no expectations. I still don't expect anything from her. I do have my own expectations of myself though. I finally got to the point where I realized I was settling. Why would I want this woman back after she had more than one affair and blames me for her relationship with my son falling apart? She claims I was the reason for him not wanting to be around her. She says I should have come to her defense and she will never forgive me for that. She thinks I manipulated the situation and would do anything to get what I wanted.

I told her that my son found her affair phone and I wasn't going to lie to him about what he read. She said I could have come up with something like it was none of his business. She said I brought kids into adult business. When I told my W that she created the mess, she says she takes responsibility for her part and that I shouldn't have sent FB messages to her friends and family. She said that every time she felt like she was getting closer to me, she would think about my son not wanting to be with her and back off again.

I just finally go to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. I told my W that I love her, but I can't be around her anymore or talk to her. She got mad and said she was taking baby steps and that because I'm not getting my way I'm rushing her. I said I wasn't rushing her, but I'm not going to treated any less than what I deserve. She doesn't talk to me with kindness. She knows how to point a finger though and no matter what I say, it always comes back to her calling me controlling or throwing her relationship with my son in my face.

I'm done. I explained to her that I wanted someone that wants to be with me, not someone that feels they need me. I want a best friend, not someone that needs privacy. I want to enjoy that person's company and be a team. I don't want to come second to everything else. I wasn't the perfect husband and I'll be the first to admit it. The things I did that she didn't like were easily fixable. Her way of fixing it was to do the ultimate damage by infidelity (twice). I gave it my all. I know I'll probably get some 2x4s, but that's ok. I need to recover and I can't do that with her in my life not committing to anything but herself. Maybe some day she will wake up. Maybe she won't. Either way, I know I'm going to move on to bigger and better things. I have to.

MB will always be a useful tool to me and I agree with everything on here, but no one I know does. Everyone thinks I'm crazy because my kids know that mommy had an affair and that they will hate me later because I turned them against her and exposed her to everyone. I stand by what I did. Thank you all for always helping me in my situation. There won't be a pity party here so don't worry. If anything changes, I'll let you guys know. Thanks for everything.

Just wanted to say, you fought a valiant fight, GJM and what you learned going through this will serve you going forward.

I have a feeling your wife is in for a shock but it sounds like it's too late and you've reached the end of the line.

The truth is never wrong. Hopefully she'll figure that out someday.

My best to you.

Thanks Zibbles...

I wouldn't say it's too late. I won't close the door if she ever decides to change her life for the better. I just have to heal. I can't do that with her standing still and only thinking of herself. I had to draw the line and let her know that as much as it hurts, I can live without her. I don't want to, but there aren't many options left. It's time she sees what life is like without me. She seems ok with me out of the picture so I'm pulling myself completely out. I found out she's still angry from everything that happened in December. No amount of explanation will change her mind about it either. It's the foginess coming back to justify her reasons to point fingers at me even though she claims to accept responsibility for her part. Only time will tell what happens.

GJM,

I want to give a quick word of admiration to you GJM. I have kept up with your thread these last months, and I have admired your efforts and your thought processes, as well as your help to others. I see alot of wisdom there. I wish the best for you and your children.

GJM, as painful as this new reality will initially be for you, I think you are now fully aware that a "Plan A into a void" is not something that can be long maintained. Her choices drove this new situation, not yours.

Someday you'll think back on these months questioning, "What if....", "Could I.....", "Should we....", as that is the human compulsion, to put rational structure around the confusing.

Keep these recent posts at hand. You have performed excellently, sir. What is going to happen was not avoidable by your actions, short of renouncing decency and morality for expediency and appearance.

Be regretful of your past. Rejoice in your new future.

Plan B?

I think it's long past time. You should have entered Plan B BEFORE you got to this point.

You did a spectacular Plan A. You fought valiantly.

My advice, as I have already mentioned it twice in this post, is Plan B. I think you would truly benefit from it.

I know you probably already have this. Good luck GJM and I think you did a fantastic job of Plan A.

How to Plan B properly

GJM ... I concur with the outstanding character you exhibit.

I am proud of your accomplishments and the personal growth you have shown throughout the months. Your children will reap great rewards by your grace.

Your future is bright ...

Definitely consider plan B.

It is what the feeling you are feeling

is for.