Okay, here's what I would suggest for you, confused: Start reading the articles on this site. Go to the yellow box on the right side of your screen and start clicking and reading. Don't just scan it - read it.

You may not be aware of this right now, but I am in the corner with you and your husband being able to recover your marriage. And the idea of that may not appeal to you right now, because you have fallen out of love with your husband. It happens. Childbirth and child rearing gets in the way sometimes. But there was a time when you gladly joined with your husband in what you felt was great sex. There was a time when you waited for his call on your phone. There was a time when you couldn't wait for him to get home, and you welcomed him with open arms. You can have that again, if you will use the tools on this site.

Confused - Your husband is reaching out to you. Is there a way we can help you connect to him?

Confused, while it is true that BSs are 50% responsible for the marriage BEFORE the affair BEGAN, the WS is 100% responsible for the affair, and the state of the marriage AFTER the affair started. Affairs begin to cloud your view of what your marriage actually is, and was.

We are not going to let go of the fact that you ARE a wayward, you can, through your actions, become a FORMER wayward. That label of adulterer will always be attached to you, and fortunately for YOU, YOU have the choice when it comes to it defining WHO you are.

To cross over the line and become an adulterer, you need to change who you are, to your very core.

When you were a child, did you want to have an affair on your future husband?

Speaking of children, would you want either of them to become an adulterer? How about a victim of adultery themselves?

How would you help them not have that same fate? Exposure, and truth would be a good start. Also, showing them what a REPENTANT wayward looks like. How people CAN overcome the mistakes they make, and make their lives better.

I ask again, have you looked up any of the stats about children raised by single mothers? Have you seen what life you have condemned them to?

Your BEST option for happiness will ALWAYS be with your BH. Hopefully, it's not too late for him to consider wanting you back. Do you think he would try?

Hi Melody Lane,

I see from your signature htat you are happily recovered for a while adn from the verse presume you are a christian?
Would so like to talk to you about how to deal with resentment and forgiving my spouse because I am strugging extremeley at the moment,despite the fact thea he ash apologised and wants to restore our marriage, Somehow I feel very lost and hopeless. How did you go about it?

onlybyhisgrace, the way I got over my resentment and forgave my husband is when he gave me just compensation. By that I mean, doing all the things necessary to make it right. He had to be radically honest about his affair and give me all of the details because the first step is honesty. We then had to create a happy, romantic marriage to replace that resentment. Dr Harley explains it in his article here: Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

Confused31,

How old are your children? What exactly did your BS tell them about you that really upset you? You said it's been 5 months since he told them so I don't understand why you are upset now. Just bc they are children doesn't mean that they can't handle the truth.

How long were you involved with this OM? Are you the one who came clean with your BS about your affair? In other words, how did your BS find out?

Are you having second thoughts about the D and that is why you are here and trying to change your ways? What exactly are you doing to "change"? I did notice that you said you are going to CR and church. Those are great steps. Are you also in Christian counseling with someone who specializes in sexual addiction? Bc that is what you were, addicted to your OM.

You said that you are no longer involved with this OM, how is that going for you? Are you going through withdrawals?

I see you have been encouraged to read up on all of Dr. H's articles and even call into the show. That is probably the smartest thing you can do. Read up on everything you can get your hands on and call into or write to the show and let Dr.H himself help you out. That part is free!

If you are REALLY wanting to change and are TRULY repentant then you will have actions to back up your words. Bc since you have already lied so much to everyone including yourself, your words mean nothing and the only thing that will show you are serious are your actions.

onlybyhisgrace, MelodyLane has given you a fine response. Would you like to start your own thread and tell us more so we can give you more help?

Confused, I'm looking for you, girlfriend. Please stay with us.

I am still here. Currently at work. Will poSt tonight.

Have you cut all ties to your OM?

You posted this on the 1st. It's now the 5th. Either your employer is a real terror or you're avoiding posting. I suspect it's the latter. Why is that?

I'm hoping it's because you are reading and absorbing what is within these pages. There is a link in my siggy for BSs, but it can also guide you through this site. Also, on the right hand side of every page, you will find the most popular links, start with How to Survive Infidelity. I know there is a lot to digest. As a BS, this place became my lifeline and I saw how it WAS possible to survive my WSs affair. I also know that had my WH found this place, he could have learned that it IS possible to overcome your own infidelity, and that the BEST option is your BS. As long as your BS is willing to TRY recovery, they are your BEST chance at a happily ever after. The OM is your WORST chance. I know it may not seem like it now. It's the reality of it though.

Even remaining "friends" with OP is a bad idea. Besides, what kind of friend helps you destroy your life? I only surround myself with QUALITY friends. Ones who help me be my BEST and don't add DRAMA to my life. Ones who tell me when I'm doing something stupid. I don't want to surround myself with "yes men" because they don't have MY best interests at heart. Who needs that?