And Jules, please listen to the advice about exposure. Exposure is not about warning the WS. He would likely try to talk you out of it, or start preparing how he is going to spin it.

Now, how about workplace exposure? Has WH's grandfather been filled in? And what steps will you take to expose to OW's family / friends?

I have held off talking to my WH. Just to update: I have sent exposure letters to men's wives that are in my WH department at work.I have sent exposure letters to OW family and friends that I were able to figure out via internet and twitter.

I still need to expose to WH family and his workplace. Is there any problem with exposing the A to my husbands family with my WH present? We will be traveling to see them this weekend and I was thinking about telling all of them out of the blue with my husband in the room and unaware that I will be doing this.

WH is the one who found marriage builders. He has agreed to do anything including exposure. So I am not concerned that he will have a problem with this. I am sure that when the guys he works with wives' get their letters he will not be happy.

I am still thinking about exposure to the workplace. I have been putting away money in savings, but I am scared that WH will get fired. I have bikini picture emails that were sent to coworker and then forwarded to my husband. I have thought about printing that off and sending it to their HR, bosses, and president of the company. But then I am afraid they will investigate and he will get fired. WH has 2 phone interviews next week with new companys.

Yes because you need to follow an MB style exposure where you ask them to support you personally, and to each speak with WH, using their influence with him to let him know they expect better in future. You cant really do that with him there. I would do it now, ask them to cal him, and use the trip for follow up discussions all together.



Thats fine. Exposure is supposed to shake him up and make him see all the consequences he didnt consider before.



Its scary, but shielding him from the consequences of an A is basically giving him a free pass to do it again. Its supposed to hurt him. I know it stinks that you shjare the pain, but he needs to work super hard to make everything up to you.

Plus a divorce is a lot more expensive.

Jules, I have a friend who has decided to shield her WH from the consequences of his affair by not exposing far and wide. Minimal exposure took place at WH's discretion.

Fast forward a few months... BW is resentful. She is experiencing pain and more pain, whereas she views her WH has largely gotten away with it scot free. To add insult to injury, she has had to pretend around her family and friends that all is rosy, a pretense that has taken its toll on her. So far, she feels she is suffering all of the consequences... resentment is huge and this takes a toll on marital recovery. I really worry she is going to give up by not following the MB path.. it is a narrow path.

I'm not sure which is worse, this thought or that her WH may have a further affair in years to come because they did not fully deal with the current one...

You are drifting into a "trickle exposure" while you hesitate to expose to some while you have already exposed to others.

Now that you've started, get it done. Rip off the bandaid!