Karma's right. OW's BH has a right to know your WH is paying child support and the child may not be his.

Don't reveal the keylogger to OW's BH either. In his shock, he may tell his WW who will quickly tell your WH. Simply say you have evidence that you can show OW's BH if needed. Protect your source of evidence.

And ellie... I really feel your pain, shock and betrayal. Hugs to you. Keep posting, venting and sharing. Please look after yourself.

shock for me is a physical thing. i am shaking.

I ask to talk to WH and he is in a state of self pity he says he is busy.
I am being a pushover because it is putting me into tears.
it's ok, isn't it, to leave for a few days?

Ellie, shock has both physical and mental effects. D Day and what you are still discovering about the depth of your WH's betrayal is a trauma. Shaking is a normal response, some become actually physically ill, sleeping and appetite is disturbed... not to mention the emotional stuff.

As for leaving... I'll leave that to the vets to reply.

Now, taking care of you... what friends / family have you got? You need support right now... Please make sure you are eating, and try to get rest if not some sleep (although I know this is easier said than done).

Remember, shock effects decision making... right now you are reeling and the fight or flight response is kicking in.

I want to pounce on him and beat him up. Make him tell me all of the truth. I want him to call up OW and tell her how disgusting he finds her and how important I am.

As for the child. I wish it didn't exist. But it is not the baby's fault. Poor baby. I wanted one with WH so badly.

WH is at work. I need him. I text him but there is no response and right now I am feeling sad and panicked.

I am a wimp compared to some of the people here.

I am looking for a way to contact OW husband.

I feel so alienated.

Can you get some support? Who is supporting you?

I wont have that. You've done really well. Shaking is normal. I was shaking going through my husband's phone for evidence, I was shaking right through doing exposure. I think I only really stopped shaking a few months ago. And I never got keylogger evidence like you did! You ARE doing well and to snoop and Plan A as well as you have been while you're shaking takes true bravery.

Ellie, have you met most of us? Geez, I don't know how I would have dealt with a DDay and then a keylogger showing an OC so close together.

If you really feel like you need a few days, I would go. I wouldn't take my cell phone, and only tell one person whom you can trust NOT to tell your WH, where you will be. Then, I would just lock myself away for a few days.

Now, you need to find OWH. He should know that this baby may not be his. Although, he may already know that your WH is paying for the child, so I wouldn't trust him to give up his cash cow so quickly.

I second this plan if you really need it. Sometimes a good Plan A day means simply not lovebusting or showing shredded nerves.

If you can hold on, hold on. If not bunker down somewhere for a bit and formulate your next step.

I second this.

And this. Keep your eye on the plans... keep following the plans. Exposure is key and OW's BH is part of this. Step 1.

WH came in from an office party last night so drunk that this morning he told me that he doesn't even remember coming in.

I attempted to talk to him and he told me that these days he is having a very hard time, and it would really help if I were not just another person attacking him.

I said "ok" (even though it's not ok with me what is happening) and I went and did something else in another part of the house.

The attack? My response to his being so drunk he is losing memory:

"I don't feel good about seeing you this way."

I found a number for OW husband. I called it. It's his work number. As in AT his business location. They must have cell phones or an unlisted landline because right now I am not able to find anything else. It appears I will need to try Monday when business is open. I haven't seen anything else from the keylogger on this.

I am afraid I am going to LB. Right now I feel so frustrated and hurt. Depressed in a way I never have been. I think usually I would be struggling with not having an AO, but I can't really whip up the energy for it.

The keylogger reveals WH responding to an mail he got from facebook girl. She is under the impression that he and I are separating, but her response is that she feels bad for him and that she is hoping things get better for us.

I am conflicted. I don't understand what he is up to there. Except that he got mad that I was trying to control his friendships and decided flat out that he was going to do what he wanted while appearing to be doing as I asked. I feel defrauded on an emotional level. He wanted credit for supporting me but is doing this.

Was I wrong to tell him I was uncomfortable? She may be mostly harmless herself, but he seems to be using her as a tool against me. He had told me I was isolating him and making him be alone and he just wanted to socialize a little. I never had a single problem with his numerous friends before, but this girl got to me for some reason. It's the only time I ever told him I didn't feel comfortable with someone.

I think about the baby and my heart is so low. I wish he had said something. Told me. I guess he probably has believed that I wouldn't have let him back if I had known. I don't know what I would have done. The pain was so much then, it may not have added more at that point.

I hate the lies.I HATE them!

I am going over to my sister's for tonight and will come back home on Monday.

I feel that I am an AO on a hair trigger, my mood goes depressed, then angry, then tearful. I must look nuts atm.

Great job, hon. Go take a breather at your sisters (is she good at hugs? ) while continuing to try contact OWH.

Do you have any VARs in the house? Might be interesting to see what his phone conversations are like when you're away.

And your comment was in no way an 'attack' it was great Plan Aing! Waywards hate Plan A like poison cause it works that's all.

If you ever get stuck for a response again go 'hmmm really?' - in a very unconvinced tone then go do something productive.

Take all the time you need.

FB girl shouldn't know ANYTHING about your relationship. It's quite typical for OP to try to help WSs through marital problems. These are ENs that should NOT be met by a member of the opposite sex. The fact that he has ANY female friends is a danger to your marriage. You have every right to suggest that as a boundary.

Do you have any male friends?

Your WH didn't tell you about the OC because he wanted to cover his azz. How is it that he is able to pay her, without you knowing?

I feel like I am walking a minefield blind.

I want to push him on the "friends" thing. Why can't I just let this go? The more I said about it, the worse it gets. I feel so hurt. Am I really being disrespectful to tell him she needs to go 100%?

Before when I was pressing for this, all he would come back with was how I wasn't caring about his feelings, and the whole isolating thing and if I had my way he would be without friends.

That is so unfair! I feel so resentful. It's bizarre, I know, but I am actually having an easier time accessing my frustration over facebook girl than how I feel about the baby.

Please tell me, how do I communicate my feelings and request that he desist from a friendship? It's like he is so willful that everything I ask for becomes a battle of wills. I say to him, would you please not do that and he says he feels it's bordering on an ultimatum.

I am confused, I say please would you, I tell him why I feel the way I do and I do not give an either do this or ELSE! Should I simply have accepted his refusal and let it go instead of it turning into this major split between us over someone who HE says is basically harmless and unimportant?

I realize I have bigger issues here than facebook girl, but how do I properly communicate how I felt and what I would like? I really wanted her GONE? Wasn't it enough that I asked and explained my feelings? Am I selfish to think that he should have responded with ending the friendship?

How do I ask, and what do I do when something like this comes up. If he refuses, then how do I respond? Is it really worth ending a marriage over one partner's refusal to give up a "harmless" friend? Am I being disrespectful to ask and LB to persist in stating my unhappiness over her continued presence?

Scotland, I guess we cross posted.

I do have male friends. I have some old ones, too. I have ended friendships with male acquaintences who were disrespectful to me about my WH. I felt so mad they were, it didn't bother me very much to tell them to stick it and walk off. WH never tells me not to be friends with anyone. So I feel uneasy asking him not to. He has brought to me some issues he has had with a male friend. He didn't ask me to end the friendshp, but I did anyway.

He has a lot of friends, men and women, and has for as long as I have known him. I never had any issues with them.

Our income is like this:

He has his own income.
I have my own income. I have a lot of money from an inheritance that is in investments.

We contribute together on things we agreed to. We have some joint accounts, investments. He has the remainder of his funds to do with as he wants. I do, too.

He does have enough income to pay a support bill without talking to me.

No you're not.

Never push or persist or demand though. Those are lovebusters. If you have to push he's not interested in preventing affairs.

Just say 'I want this to stop, because it makes me really unhappy. I want my feelings to be important to you'.

He says: No blah blah blah

You say: 'Well that's your choice and you are free to make it. I'm not interested in forcing you'

Did you ever give him your list of what it will take to keep you in the marriage? You have choices too.

Maybe leave that till you get back if you're not up to keeping your cool right now.

There is a lot that needs to change in your marriage to have an MB one.

Of course you aren't silly to ask him not to be friends with someone whom you see as a threat to your marriage. Thing is, that can be ANY member of the opposite sex, except a direct family member. Having friends of the opposite sex is like playing russian roulette with your marriage.

My WH said much the same things your did. He gaslighted me with it. Of course I didn't want to control him. And he wasn't controlling who I was friends with, so I should trust him too right? Yea, I trusted him right into a full blown PA where he left me and our 2 sons.

Have you read all of the information on this site?

After you take these few days away from him(I wouldn't even answer the phone if he calls), Plan A him for a few weeks, MAX, and then Plan B. While you are Plan Aing him, you are going to inform him that you will not remain in a marriage where he has female friends(You are also going to have to give up your male friends, for the sake of your marriage, especially any old flames).

Your relationship will change q a lot under MB recovery conditions. You would both need to end all opposite sex friendships (and I would do this anyway, a BW in Plan B tends to get hit on or offers of support from all her male friends. Do NOT put yourself at risk of an RA!)

You would also need to be much more open about finances so no room for secrets. An MB coach would show you how to integrate your money so you would be forced to POJA each and every spending decision. To work as a team.

If you are well off, I would suggest addng a post nup to your conditions stating you get everything (EVERYTHING - he would be penniless) should you divorce in the future due to infidelity.

I didn't give him a list yet. I was anxious about it and then the keylogger revealed other things and I am having problems even staying stable.

Ok, help me out a little more. So I tell him how unhappy I feel and he says tough luck.

What then? If I say nothing more.... and his level of discomfort with knowing I am unhappy about it is not high enough to desist, then what do I do?

Also, doesn't ending all opposite sex friendships mean most social interaction is taken away? I am not understanding where MB considers the boundry for the social interaction people normally have and when an acquaintance is considered a friend that is dangerous to the marriage.