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Brainhurts 2 appointments next Friday at 9AM. I am not going to tell W until Thursday night. Now to come up with some questions.
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Lightsout,
Gamma your post make me see that I am normal in wanting answers to certain question that I have not gotten even it was so long ago.
Sometimes too the regret is that I didn�t get the answers when I should have, and as a result my married life from that time onward was less than it could have been.
Even more than that my W did admit that she never felt as attracted to me after OM2, she admitted this a few years ago, so it was my attraction to my W that in a sense sustained the sexual part of the marriage.
It�s also not acceptable that your W shares certain secrets with OM that you are not shared with you.
God Bless
Gamma
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Gamma you are right. The part that I really have a real problem with is that she wasso willing to easily give up our DD. She even agreed to pay child support. I was never able to understand why she would sometimes spend the night with me. Now I found out the OM had problems less than 6 months ago. I ask questions she then said I knew "I shouldn't have told you that". Before she ask to come back she was calling and coming by more and more. I should have known something had happened in their relationship.
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Brainhurts 2 appointments next Friday at 9AM. I am not going to tell W until Thursday night. Now to come up with some questions. Good job! You're correct do not tell her until right before the test. We've had many on these boards who have come clean. Read chickadee, susieq and starfish who have all polygraphed. Here are some Other than what you have already admitted, have you had any sexual contact(sexual contact will be defined) with anyone other than your wife? One specific issue, but the issue will be asked in a couple different ways so there is no confusion. 94-95% accuracy with one specificissue. We will bethere approx. 2 hrs. and the results will be delivered to me by email before noon the next day.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Here are some more from chickadee1 on starfish's thread.
Questions
Are you deliberately concealing information about any other relationship you have had with anyone.
Are you intentionally withholding any other information about any other relationships you had with anyone
Are you purposely withholding information about any other relationships you have had with anyone.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Brainhurts 2 appointments next Friday at 9AM. I am not going to tell W until Thursday night. Now to come up with some questions. lightsout, the polygraph tester will only ask 1 to 3 questions. So one way to get as much dirt as possible before the test is to write out a list of your questions and give them to her well before the test. [as opposed to the questions the tester will be asking, you can ask many various questions with great detail] Tell her this is her amnesty period and these are the questions you want answered. After that, you expect her to pass the test. You would not believe how effective this tactic is at getting out the dirt. People hate the thought of flunking a test so they would rather confess BEFORE. Now why are you taking a test too?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Never mind, I see you had an affair too so that makes sense.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think I will give her the questions Wednesday night after she gets home from work. I stay up late so she is always asleep whenever I go to bed. If she is awake whenever I go to bed this could be a clue that she has been hiding something for years. No snoring she is awake.
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W came home last night from work and ask what I had been doing all day. I told her I was watching a daily shows where people were taking polygraph test. I said remember I said I would take one. She replied that at this stage in our relationship there was no sense is spending money on a test. I have not yet told her about our appointments but she acts like she would not want to take the test now. This is one of those things that she wants me to shut up about but it is also something that I am not going to negotiate. Either she takes the test with me or we are over.
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W came home last night from work and ask what I had been doing all day. I told her I was watching a daily shows where people were taking polygraph test. I said remember I said I would take one. She replied that at this stage in our relationship there was no sense is spending money on a test. I have not yet told her about our appointments but she acts like she would not want to take the test now. This is one of those things that she wants me to shut up about but it is also something that I am not going to negotiate. Either she takes the test with me or we are over. lightsout, I would go ahead and present her with a LONG LIST [not the polygraph questions] of your questions tonight and explain to her that recovery can only take place if it is based on complete honesty. Tell her you don't feel she has been honest and are giving her an opportunity to prove it by taking a polygraph. Tell her you want to start off fresh and have made appointments for both of you to take p tests. Then hand her the list of questions and tell her you will give her an amnesty period to get anything else off her chest but that you expect her to pass the test. I will just tell you right now that a WS who is being honest doesn't balk at the test.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I will just tell you right now that a WS who is being honest doesn't balk at the test. Remember, the poly is an OPPORTUNITY for your WW to DEMONSTRATE her caring towards you. If an honest former wayward knows that the poly will bring their spouse relief from doubts and worry, they will gladly do so. Suggestion: "I know you want to show me how much you care. Here is one opportunity. The poly will decrease my anxiety and worry. I know you don't want me to be anxious/worried for no reason. I know you will happily take the poly if it makes me feels better." .... Then, smile. And wait for her response. Just observe her response. It will tell you much. No need to argue or try and convince beyond that point. Keep smiling. Offer her some tea. Offer her a snuggle. Smile. Why smile? Because you see this as an opportunity for WW to show her caring side towards you. If WW becomes defensive or offended by your request for anxiety relief (in the form of a poly) .... well, at least you know where you stand. Do not fight about this. Observe. Stay calm.
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Thanks Pepperband I think I will do that. I have lived my life long enough "wondering" I refuse to live the rest of life "wondering" or with someone I can not trust to tell the truth. If there is something she has not told me I have told her if she would tell me I can work on it however if I find anything from a different source it is a whole different game then. As for wasting money on the test I paid for the test already. So there is no wasting money for her to worry about.
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As for wasting money on the test I paid for the test already. So there is no wasting money for her to worry about. It's not the $$$$ that worries her. Trust me. 
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Mel I going to give her a list tonight or probable Sunday because she is off and I can watch her reactions. She is a NASCAR nut so if she is not watching the race something is bothering her. Pepper I agree she has no reason to worry about money maybe something else but not money.
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Lightsout,
OMW also needs to be told about OMs cheating on her with full details. OM not only cheated with your W, but was aware or encouraged your W to abandon your DD. Rats like that need to be exposed. How near is OM to your house?
God Bless
Gamma
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Gamma less than 30 miles. I am going to write a letter to her and mail it telling her the whole story that I am sure she was not aware of at the time. I going to send it to where she is the only one that can sign for it that way OM can not intercept it a destroy it.
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Gamma less than 30 miles. I am going to write a letter to her and mail it telling her the whole story that I am sure she was not aware of at the time. I going to send it to where she is the only one that can sign for it that way OM can not intercept it a destroy it. Why not drive there and hand it to her yourself, and tell her?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I would but after my altercation with OM I am afraid he would have me arrested for trespassing or anything else he could come up with.
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Lightsout,
How long ago was the altercation and in any event OM types typically don't want the details of their affairs made a public record.
God Bless
Gamma
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About 17 years ago. This OM might not want his now wife to know that he was seeing my W and her at the same time but she is going to find out everything that was going on at that time. OM will have to explain to her what he was doing whenever he was supposedly in an exclusive relationship with her. Sending a complete written letter that only she can sign for is the best way to do this without having any problems with the police.
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