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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
Well you should never completely trust your H again. Dr. Harley says he doesn't trust Joyce nor Joyce trust him. Please be careful with quoting. He was/is refering to BLINDLY trusting your partner. My wife and I trust one another, but we no longer accept blind trust, as in one or the other keeping secrets and expecting privacy (except maybe in the bathroom). We don't have secrets and we don't expect privacy. These things are counter-productive in a healthy marriage. HerPapaBear, I found the article that I was thinking about when Dr. Harley says he shouldn't be trusted by his wife nor he trust her. It is here Coping with Infidelity Part 4 I don't want to misquote Dr. H's work. I couldn't find where he said blindly. Could you please point me in the right direction? I had asked the mods to edit my first quote. Thanks again. This is what I got from his article: One topic is loss of trust. How can a spouse ever trust an unfaithful partner again? My answer is that the spouse should never have been trusted in the first place. I shouldn't be trusted by my wife, and I shouldn't trust her. The fact is that we are all wired for infidelity, and under certain conditions, we'll all do it. The way to protect your marriage from something that has been common to man (and women) for thousands of years is to recognize the threat, and do something to prevent it from happening. Thanks in advance. BH, Your questions are great. We are all learning. Most of us on these forums just wish our learning had come without the high price of infidelity. The quote you have in red is an important quote from Dr. H's article and has merit, but the later part of that same paragraph sums up his thoughts well. :One topic is loss of trust. How can a spouse ever trust an unfaithful partner again? My answer is that the spouse should never have been trusted in the first place. I shouldn't be trusted by my wife, and I shouldn't trust her. The fact is that we are all wired for infidelity, and under certain conditions, we'll all do it. The way to protect your marriage from something that has been common to man (and women) for thousands of years is to recognize the threat, and do something to prevent it from happening. Basing a marriage on the Policy of Radical Honesty and the Policy of Joint Agreement goes a long way toward preventing an affair. Being each other's favorite leisure-time companions, and not being away from each other overnight are also important safety measures. Meeting each other's most important emotional needs, avoiding Love Busters and building an integrated lifestyle, free of secret second lives, are all ways to affair-proof your marriage. With these measures in place, we end up trusting our spouses because an affair becomes almost impossible to achieve.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6 |
Thanks again HerPapaBear, I appreciate it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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