My husband is planning to go to the seminar regardless of my feelings or my concerns. For the past two weeks, we've been living our separate, roommate lives. He doesn't want me to do anything for or against building our marriage until he makes his decision (after the seminar in a couple of weeks).

I don't feel like I can take this limbo any more. I brought up the idea of us separating until he can make a choice. He says he feels like I'm making a rash decision without thinking things through...not sure how he can come to that conclusion without us ever discussing anything, but that's how he feels. I said it would be easier if he found somewhere to stay until he decides what he wants to do (meaning I would stay with the kids in our house) and his response was, "Not going to happen." In other words, if I want some space, I'll have to move out with the kids. Definitely not something I want to do.

I know this just sounds like an angry rant, but it's been 3 years of "I'm not sure I want this marriage...I'll let you know when I decide." I'm not strong enough to live in a marriage with a person I love, but who refuses to give me any affection, respect, honesty, love, conversation, etc. because he's not sure if he wants me.

Can someone please help point me in the right direction (and feel free to use 2x4s if I'm out of line).

Indifference.

Its something I am trying to avoid.

Muted Anger + Sadness + the Prospect of a Lifetime knowing what a BS knows can lead to indifference. Especially true if there are kids involved and if the BS wants them left unhurt.

I hope because I am allowing my wife to meet my needs (all of them) I am resistive to indifference. Your husband seems to have hit a point where resistance is futile.

I have come to say life is too short and it works for the WS too. A mistake was made. An apology was made and accepted and a program of rebuilding that which was destroyed was undertaken. If either party opts out (like your husband) every effort should be taken to get him or her back in line. Walking on eggshells for eternity is not healthy. Life is way too short for that.

I believe you need to once again outline to your husband your expectations to keep your marriage alive. Not a part-time husband, not a shared parent thing, but a marriage. This may draw his ire, but the reality is you are not happy these days anyway. You are not threatening, you are restarting a stalled recovery.

Also, make sure (after 3 years) you are delivering on all his needs and theres no reason for him to think your affair was anything but a mistake.

Im early compared to you in my recovery cycle, but when I feel the tinge of indifference my wife can sense it and does what she does to chase it away. You must know by now what IT is that can change his fence sitting.