Thank you!

So once again, last night I pretty much kept the same routine I have for the most part of the last few nights. H and I went to bed at the same time last night, he turned over away from me, I reach over and kissed him on the head, I say "I love you" and he replies "goodnight". Well, last night I guess I was needing a little more contact, because I was feeling bad from the pain in my foot and was always use to receiving comfort from him. So, I asked him if I could lie against his back and he said "if you want to" and it was said in a caring voice. I am really liking his soft more caring voice the last few days. Well, I went right to sleep against him, I didn't even put my arm over him. Again, through the night I felt the contact he was making when he thinks I am asleep...rolling over and moving against me, partically spooning me, and last night he put his hand on the top of my head and rubbed my head some. If I move, he rolls back over, but then if I am still again as if asleep, he rolls back to me again. I think, he is missing the contact with me, but yet afraid to let me know, and if I don't know, then he is able to keep a better distance. Any opinions on this?? Maybe he is actually asleep and doing all this in his sleep and subconsciously out of habit, but I don't think so. However, he just started this in the last few nights after I backed off on the affection at night and started giving him his space.

I have also backed off on texting him so much through the day and then I just send him random subject text, about nothing in particular. A couple other changes I have noticed the last couple nights is..he is not going out on the porch for alone time and he is not sitting and texting all his phone until he goes to bed. I even checked his phone log and he isn't hardly texting with anyone during the day the last 2-3 days, except replies to my text and with our sons. He is very addicted to texting. He has however, been sitting with his computer and his earphones in watching music videos. So there is very little communication at all between us, but we aren't arguing.

Did you do the NC letter and ask him to approve it and have him send it?

No, I have not yet, but I will be doing that. I have the letter. My concern right now is, things are quiet and calm and I am walking on egg shells to keep them that way. The "D" word has not been brought up for a few days. I just hate so much to disrupt anything. I want us all to have a good Easter weekend together. I will watch for the right moment, because it is something I definitely want and need to do. Just everytime I try to do something right, he throws back that there is no use because we are divorcing and I need to accept that...and part of the letter is wanting my H and marriage.

The letter is important! Talking about it is important! Don't carpet sweep just to keep the peace. I am not saying that you should bring it up all of the time but it can't be ignored because that will not help with recovery.

Some of the hardest times have been are discussion about the A. They have beenv very painful on both ends but also healing after everything was said and done.

Well, so much for trying to keep things calm. I sent H a text earlier that my brother's family wanted us to all have dinner together on Sunday. His reply was "I will go, but nothing has or will change for me". I replied with an "ok". Then I replied "just know I love you and I would do anything in this world for us to be together...but I don't have a time machine". Feels like he just busted my bubble of hope.

Oh the feeling of hopelessness...I know it is a feeling he has had too

The NC letter is part of just compensation for your BH, that he deserves.

This will show him you're sorry better than words. It will show you're serious.

So if he still chooses D that is his choice. I don't see what you doing the right thing has anything with that?
Are you scared to do the right thing? Isn't that what everyone has been trying to tell you? You can't control him or his actions only yourself.

Are you not sending the NC because you don't want to completely close that door to the OM?

I do want to close the door. I feel such a freedom since I have ended the contact. I will give it to H this evening.

I will give the letter to H tonight.
We have fought and talked and discussed the A for so long, I just really enjoy the down time. I no I can't just sweep it under the carpet, I wish it was that easy. I want to deal with it and have the chance for recovery and to heal. I just hate to be the one to be bringing the subject up when things are at a calm.

Believe me I do understand how you feel.

The fact that he is going with you should mean a lot. Again, he is saying these words out of pain and for protection.

The relationship I shared with you was thoughtless and cruel for everyone involved. It hurt so many people, especially my husband. He did NOTHING to deserve what I did to him. I never stopped loving him. I got caught up in something that should never have happened. I am committed and determined to make up for the hurt I have caused my husband and our children.

I have deleted my facebook, changed my email address, and have a new cell phone number. I am permanently ending all contact with you. Please respect my wish that you not try to contact me in any way.


Opinions or changes??

He cares for my family. He may be doing this more for them and not me. Holidays are really hard for them after the lose of their child.

These are my thoughts LNL2. I'm not sure why you are telling him that you have new avenues for contact such as new phone number etc. He does not need to know that. Just NC for LIFE.

I guess I was adding those more for the benefit of my husband. Just as a reminder that they are gone. I will make the changes. Thank you.

Adding that info just makes a BS like me suspicious. OM does not need any clues on how to contact you further. I believe that your intentions were true.

Thanks for your help. Letter has been re-written and ready. The letter is not a problem for me and breaking the contact with OM has been easier than I thought. It is just having to bring up the subject of the A to my H and already knowing what his words to me will be that hurts. The words hurt me and I feel like bringing the subject up to him is just another jolt of pain for him.

The letter should be handwritten.

Your BH's pain will ease as you take the actions like these to protect him and the marriage. Give it time. A lot of time. Just keep working on EARNING back his trust.

I did hand write it. I thought it was be best that way. As far as time goes, I just keep hoping he gives me time. He has to know I am not doing anything. I stay home most of the time now and my 20 yr old son is home with me most of the time. If I go anywhere, I always have one of our children with me. I am sure his parents are always watching me as well, they live next door. He says he has stopped watching me and checking on me, so I asked my older children to check on me and watch me for him. I may be able to earn his trust, but him loving me again and wanting to be with me might be the hardest.

Did you also give your BH a list of extraordinary precautions?