OW and WH have had the time needed to get their stories to match.

OW are known to lie.

OW may not even have a boyfriend.

OW just talked about quitting her job, but has no intentions.

So time to do full exposure, WH parents and siblings, using OW and OWBF face book.

Happyheart:

He didn't want to move out. I made it clear in my letter that I wanted him to move out until he would tell me the whole truth and tell me who the OW was and until he proved that we had ceased all contact with her.

Regarding exposure, I was planning on doing it yesterday to his family and mine, but I was advised not to expose further for right now. Now that I have confirmed who the OW is I will expose right away. Specially at their workplace.

My husband came home last night after work and we talked. We said he is quitting his job if that is what is going to take to save our marriage. He said that the kids and I are the most important thing is his life and he is willing to do what ever it takes not to lose us. I made it clear that he must quit his job ASAP if that is true.

WTC, have you found the OW on facebook? I would get ahold of her family and let them know about the affair too. Her family needs to know what she is doing so they can hold her accountable.

I don't have much information on the OW other than her first name. I am not sure how to find her on facebook. I asked by husband yesterday what her last name was and he doesn't know. I know it seems unbelievable but I know it's true. He said he would try to find out if it was going to help me. I didn't say why I needed it and he didn't ask either but since our conversation the other day he has been "cooperating" by doing anything he can to "help me heal" (his words).

He said on the work schedule it just has her first name and the initial for her last name.

He did say he would find out her last name right away.

Did you laugh when he said that? Obviously he is still lying. Of course you can call the OW and ask her.

I know that this is a terrible time. And I know that when someone asks if you laugh when your husband answers you it may seem confusing, but I can speak from my own experience: Wayward spouses LIE about EVERYTHING. I'm still learning to accept that everything that comes out of my cheating wifes mouth may be a lie. That's why people on here laugh when he makes statements like not knowing her name, because they know he's a LIAR.

It is like being possessed by a demon (see the movie Rite), you cant trust anything that comes out of his mouth.

He knows her last name. Have you considered a poly to get to the bottom of this? Your WH is trickle-truthing you big-time.

I know he didn't know her last name, but he did ask around yesterday and he text me the last name but said he wasn't sure if it was the right spelling. She is Polish and he doesn't speak English perfectly so the last name is kind of hard. I know it must seem hard to believe that he had sex with her and doesn't even know her full name, but I know that this was not an emotional affair, just pure sex, and as stupid as it was on his part, I guess he didn't care to know anything else about her. Believe me I am furious about this whole thing. Knowing that he put my health and my life at risk having a fling with someone he doesn't even know what her last name is is just too much.

Anyway, I was able to find her on facebook, and I was able to get her to add me as a friend using a fake profile. I will continue to gather more information on her. On the other hand, I had another talk with my husband and he decided to ask for a transfer to another location in the same company. He said it there is nothing available within the same company right away, that he will quit and look for a job somewhere else. I made it clear that he had to do this right away. He assured me that he will do whatever it takes to save our marriage.

The purpose of finding her on Facebook is not to be her friend but to get the names of hr contacts and expose to them. I would copy all her contacts into a word doc for safekeeping and them send her parents, and as many other contacts as possible, an exposure letter. Use the template letter in my exposure thread.

The polish are 95% catholic. So I assume her parents will not be amused she is having an affair with a married man.

I don't have ANY intention to be her friend. That is ridiculous! I am using a fake profile to gather all the information I need to expose.

Yes that WOULD be ridiculous to try and friend her. I think ML was probably making sure you knew that. I thought that's what you meant too.

You should still save her friends list in a Word document in case she wises up to you. How did you find her on Facebook? That was some super sleuthing if all you had was a first name and a hint about her last name. Good job!

Hello everyone,

A whole month has passed and a lot has happened. I have not posted at all but I have been reading up on other people's post everyday. I am also half way through SAA book. I have learned quite a lot in this past month. As, I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I found OW on Facebook and after reading so much about exposure here on the forum and even emailing Dr. Harley about it, I decided to go ahead and expose. I exposed to my husbands family, my family, his workplace, OW's family and friends and their mutual coworkers. I sent a letter to his supervisors but never got a response from them. Anyway, this is THE BEST THING I could have done. I felt so much relief and received so mush support from everyone that I felt great about exposing.

My husband was furious, of course, it was the first time I had seen him upset with me. He even cried. I remained calm and told him it was not for revenge like he thought. I told him I am just trying to save our marriage. Things were tense for about a day, but the next day he was calm, and even told me that we understood why I had done it and apologized for his "stupid reaction".

My husband decided to quit his job, and has informed his employer that his last day will be April 20. It will be hard for us because we really need the income, but my husband agrees that this is something he must do to end all contact with OW.

The NEWER problem now is that while I continued to snoop even more after this, I installed spyware on his cell phone that allows me to make recordings of his surroundings at random times I program. I have been doing this for about a month now, and I must say that, although I have not gotten proof of him having any contact with the OW other than a hello and laughing while other co-corkers are around making jokes, I did find out recently that there is ANOTHER co-worker with whom he has a "friendship" that is too close for comfort. At first, I thought it was the voice of the same OW and I confronted him about it since he promised that he would not speak to her at all during the time he had left working there. But, it ended up being a totally different woman.

He told me that this other woman was just a friend (of course). I told him certain details of their conversations which prove that is was not just a simple co-worker relationship as he was trying to make believe. During these recordings, I hear her say she was upset that he was leaving and that it broke her heart. She begs him to at least continue to work part-time at least once a week. Apparently, she had asked him to go to the movies with her and in the recordings he keeps telling her he is too busy and can't go. She keeps insisting and even gets mad and walks away. He calls her back calling her very endearing terms in Spanish (he never talks to me that way) to get her to cheer up and to come back and keep talking to him. He tells her he has a lot of things to do around the house and that is why he can't go out. He never tells her it's because it inappropriate to go out because both of them are married. She keeps insisting and even demands to know why in her words "all your time off is for your friends and not for US" meaning her and him.

Like I said, all along I thought this was the same OW I had heard on one of the most recent recordings. Before this, there was nothing else other than the hellos and the laughter in group.

Yesterday, I called this new OW and confronted her. By the way, I never told either one of them that I was recording them. She was confused and wanted to know how I knew these things. She thinks someone at work is telling me. I informed her of the other affair my husband was having with the younger OW and she was surprised. Of course, she assured me she and my husband were just friends. I demanded that she end her friendship with my husband immediately. She later called me back to try to justify her "interest" in my husband by saying that she has a home-based cooking business and was interested in having my husband work for her on that. (Yeah right!) She claims that is why she is sad to see him go. She also said that he was the only fun part of the job.

Anyway, I now realize that the problem is much greater than I thought. It is very clear that my husband has no boundaries with women and even if things start off innocently, he lets things easily get out of hand. I had been talking to him about me needing radical honesty, but he just says he knows and will change and then I find out something else.

I don't know what to do next. I have been in plan A and been meeting his needs as best I can, so I guess now is time for plan B. He still has a couple of weeks left at his job, but if the problem is that he is still not implementing EPs than what is the point? This same thing will happen where ever we works, and I don't think I can deal with that again.

Please everyone I need your advise. Please keep me down to earth on this. I don't know if there is still hope.

Thanks for reading all this. I know it was a lot to say and I hope I didn't bore you.

I'm so sorry Willingtochange about OW#2.

First off good job on exposure on OW#1. Did your WH write a NC letter?

Did you call the BH of OW#2? I would let him know that his WW was pursuing your WH.

Also Dr. H recommends only 3weeks of Plan A for wives because of the damage that they endure can cause auto immune problems.

You're correct in thinking if your WH will not insure EP he will be prone to have another affair.

Can you start preparing for Plan B?

I hadn't even thought about having to expose this also. I've been so angry at my husband that I forgot that very important part. I do have the phone number for the OW's husband. I believe he also works int he same place as my husband.

I am very ready for plan B. I can't take this situation any longer. I am not being productive at work because I can't concentrate. My husband of course says I am exaggerating because he claims to be doing everything on his part to save our marriage. He says I am seeing things that aren't there. I know from the recordings that he refused to go out with her, but he must like the attention she is giving him because he does not put a definitive end to her pursuit, and that is the problem.

Yes, I wrote the letter for him because he does not write English very well. He emailed it to her in front of me.

Your husband still has wayward thinking and I commend you for seeing that.
He thinks his words are enough just compensation for you?

When you ask him what boundaries and EP's he has put into place. What does he say? I do commend him for putting in his notice in at work, that is one step. Why don't you ask him to write out his EP for you?

Do you know what you need to do to prepare for Plan B? How to Plan B properly

Thanks for the link Brainhurts. I am going to get everything in order. My husband called me at work this afternoon asking me to please give him another chance. He claims that he is in no way interested in this second woman, and says he didn't realize he was hurting me. He never expected that I would find out since he has no idea I am snooping on him. He says he didn't want to be to forceful with her when turning her down because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. I explained to him that the only feelings he should be protecting are my feelings. We had a very long conversation and I clearly explained to him what exactly I expect from him. I explained about Just Compensation and he agreed to do everything I asked. I told him he needs to write down his EPs so that I can see he understands and so that I have proof of his agreement to put them into effect. He knows that one more lie or one more secret will do it for me. So I will be more vigilant and in the mean time I will prepare everything for Plan B if things don't work out this time. I am still exposing to this OW's husband. I feel he needs to know what his wife is doing.

I hope I am on the right track about this. I really don't want to mess it up on my part.

Good job and yes you're on the right track.
Definitely tell OW#2 H because he needs to know.

Come back and let us know what he wrote down for his EP.
What is that you require from him? Can you afford some sessions with Steve Harley? He is very good with husbands.
What about requiring a poly?

You did expose to your children, correct?
How to Survive an Affair


How are you doing?