Thank you. I am still a little afraid to have my hopes up, but I am willing to do what it takes to make him happy and meet his needs. I know life will never be like it was for us, but I can see me giving more to our M and never taking things for granted again.

Hello Lost!

You've come a damn long way so take a min and hug yourself for just a min for your efforts, and then hug your God for His help in this as His help as expressed thru others here.

You're right in not raising your hopes to high at this point, but I think you have 'atracted' him rhru your efforts and your demonstration of your committment to your M. It's still up to him, but you have to continuo attract him as you are doing with your committment and your devotion. The around on wheels sounds great, and hope he swirled you a couple of times in your wheelchair! Hope you are feeling much much better! I've gotten tired of staying down in recliner with ice and heat packs and listening to 70's music and today I felt better so am at the computer now and am planning to get to wokr and volunteer startign tomorrow.

While I was down and listening to these old rock songs best was "get it on" early 70's I think, and it was one of Char's favs when we were early in our marriage - so with no great expectations Lost continue to 'get it on' with your H with your best efforts.

Tom

Tonight when my husband got home from work, he walked in the door, straight to me, hugged and kissed me, and looked me in the eye and said "I love you and I want us to grow old together. I feel like I am home for the first time in a long time". I am on cloud 9. Thanks for all the support. I think we are now headed in the right direction for a recovery.

Hi Lost,

It's great to hear of your progress now. Altho keep in mind that reconsiliation is not a straight-line thing - there are going to be one step back, two steps forward times. You have to take your own time and measure of this, but do you think that this would be a time for you and your H to begin counsel with Dr. Harley?

Hope and prayers,

Tom

I know there will be ups and downs. Right now I am enjoying the feeling of newlyweds and the honeymoon phase. He has asked that we please try real hard to make this work. He said he faught long and hard to get me back and wants us to stay together. I told him that we cannot just sweep what happened under the rug, that need to work through it...together. For now we are making plans to spend extra time together. Talking about what we want to do together and things we want to do to the house. Especially looking forward to a vacation that we both need. We have friends that we had drifted apart from that we have bonded with once again. They are 3 1/2 years into recovery and doing great. So we feel we have a good support team that we can talk openly to.

The drinking I had mentioned once before in one of my post, I guess it didn't work for him. One thing he did ask me if we could do together is to have a glass of wine together in the evenings. So, this teetotaler made her first trip to a liquor store yesterday and we are relaxing together in the evenings.

I am sooo happy and hopeful now.

Update...things are still going good between H and me. I have realized we have both changed. I am trying to look over things and not have any lovebusters, but eventually issues will have to be addressed. I know he is keeping things from me, not an A, but just the way he has changed. He is not the same man, but how could he be after what I put him through. I so very much want my old H back. Hopefully, someday we will get there. However, we are VERY affectionate toward each other and have a strong intimate relationship as well. I guess we are trying to get as close as we can to each other in order to block things out. I did all the yard work this week so he wouldn't have to and we could spend more time together this weekend.

I was not prepared for the feelings I would start experiencing. I am contastly worried about what he is thinking, and wonder if he is wondering what I am thinking as well. We haven't talked much at all about the A, but we talked and faught for the last 8 months about it. Just wondering if he is ready to put it behind him now, or if I should try to get him to talk about it. I honestly don't want to think or talk about it at all. I don't have the answers for him anyway. He just says he wishes he could forget about it. He sees no need for MC, so I won't push it. I do wish he would go to the doctor and gets something to just take the edge off. He seems to push the issue of having drinks together. We never drank before and I don't want to add on extra problems. He did schedule a vacation week in May and one in June so we can have more time together. In May we are going to work on things around the house together and June we are going to the beach. We sooo much need a relaxing vacation.

Hey Lost,

Good to see you back. Great you and BH are spending time and making deposits to each others LoveBanks.


One thing with your whole situation jumps out with me though:


What is the PLAN?

You see we can talk about the problems all day and all night 24/7.


What is the solution?

MB's is action-solution oriented so we do not sit stuck. If we stay stuck we end up with a crippled version of our pre-A marriage. I get the idea that is where you are at now.

A couple of ideas for you to toss around

Article

AND also


Courses/Seminars

The truth of the matter is you will not get your life back exactly as it was. Are you sure you do want it back? The A has changed both BH and you. It is impossible to undo what has happened in the past.

The important part here is what solutions the two of you arrive at. Dr. H puts that all togetherr here. Yes some of its costs $$$ but divorce is extremely expensive and don't get me started on the changes I have had to make.

Consider getting BH onboard with possibly the online courses. That would be a plan and may open an entirely NEW MARRIAGE to you both.

Best wishes

nESRE

You need MARRIAGE BUILDERS. Not a MC.

What MB concepts have you been using?????

Well, it has been almost a year since I have been here. It was hard to come back and see what I had posted here. But, I just wanted to slip in and say "LIFE IS GREAT" and "MY MARRIAGE IS THRIVING"!!! Thank you to all those who pulled for us. I do still live with the nightmare of what I did. I am so blessed with a wonderful husband that stood by me and fought to pull me out of the fog. I sure do love him!!

Thanks for the update.

That is awesome! Always great to hear about a marriage that has recovered and is thriving, and I believe that it helps those who post on this SAA thread to see that there is hope when MB tactics are put to good use. God bless.