Just explain that you will need her to take the polygraph in order to move forward.

Tell WW no harm can be done by her telling the truth. The test is still on. After all she is not hiding any thing now. There is no better way to start repairing the trust that has been broken.

W just called and said that she just spoke to counselor. Apparently W told counselor what I had said. Counselor said she would still advise her not to take the test but it was her decision. Counselor also advised W that it may be better for her to find another counselor. I told wife I agreed that maybe she should find a counselor that believed in "radical honesty" period. Not radical honesty while talking to her then telling her to not tell me things that happened years ago. W agreed with me and has also said she will take the polygraph.

So you still have the poly scheduled for this Friday the 6th, correct?

Lightsout,

What type of counselor is this, christian, life coach, psychologist etc?

The counselor likely knows what your W is withholding from you, btw, which can be really galling. It is however not surprising as one thing a counselor needs to do is keep their clients dependent on them, which also keeps them paid.

God Bless
Gamma

Test is still on for tomorrow. The psychologist get 2 hundred an hour. My W was having a bad day at work Tuesday. I was cleaning out our swimming pool that I shut down for the winter. I was getting no where with the cleaning. W called and said if I had taken care of the pool during the winter instead of worrying about something that happened years ago I would not have the problems with the pool. I just shut the pool off and came inside to watch TV. Now the pool has become a trigger every time I think of cleaning it.

Lightsout,

The shrink is $200 an hour, and your W says she doesn't think you should spend the $500 for a one time polygraph?! Yep you need to go through with it more than ever. Makes getting the truth seem like a bargain.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma the test is still going to happen. W would not be going to shrink if I was paying for it. It is a work related cause or should I say an easy 2 hundred a month for the counselor because she has actually made things worse between me and my W. After tomorrow W can quit going to the counselor as far as I am concerned.

Wife justed called and ask me to meet her at a coffee shop whenever I got dressed. She would not tell me what she wanted but I am sure I am about to find out something else or she is backing out of the test.

Stay strong Lightsout.

Do not cancel the polys.

BrainHurts that is what she wanted. I just got her a flight to her sisters tonight. I told her I would not be here whenever she got home from work. I am going out for a drink. I told her I needed sometime to figure out what I wanted to do. She lied on the one question I wanted her to pass then admitted to the examiner what she done. I am so PO now I don't want to be around her or even talk to her. Part of me loves her yet another part of me despises her. I hate to throw 35 years of my life away, sell my house, and walk away. I really need some time to figure if this marriage is worth saving and I can be happy in it.

I'm so sorry Lightsout. I was hoping she would be honest with you. I also understand your anger and you have every right to be angry.

You will do the right thing I'm sure of it.

Maybe write Dr. Harley or a call to Steve Harley? They are very good in calming us down and give us a plan?

Do you have a good male friend or brother to be with you right now? I don't think you should be alone.

Brainhurts I may do that. The question I ask was about oral sex. It was also the answer about the same questions years that I decided I would let her come home. She lied years ago and just today.

LO, what happened? She took the test and apparently flunked it? What does she have to say?

I spoke to the examiner and ask him to tell W if she was lying. The question was "Have you ever completed an oral sex act with OM". She lied them told the examiner that she had at least five times. This is the question I really wanted her to pass. Early in our marriage she said she was uncomfortable with having oral sex. I never pushed her but obviously she was comfortable with the OM. She told me that she did not want to hurt me. She did not hurt me she ripped my heart out and handed to me.

LO, you are looking at this the wrong way. She did the right thing with you by telling you she is uncomfortable with OS if that is the case. She would have harmed your sex life if she had agreed to do something she didn't like. Pretty soon she wouldn't be having sex at all. This is how sexual aversions are set up.

The fact that she did something that disgusts her with the OM does not mean she cares more for him; instead it means she cares more for you. If OS makes her uncomfortable and she did it with the OM, eventually it would have destroyed the affair. Sacrifice is BAD for relationships, not good.

What she did with you is the behavior of a BUYER. What she did with him is the behavior of RENTER or a FREELOADER. Did you know that?

Surely you wouldn't want her to have OS with you knowing it makes her uncomfortable?

And be assured I am not condoning her lying! I am only saying that she shouldn't have OS if it makes her uncomfortable. The fact that she made sacrifices wiht the OM means she was much less caring in that relationship, which is typical

Lightsout,

Sorry to hear the results, but you had to have the truth so this was necessary to move forward.

I kinda suspect that my W might not want to disclose the physical nature of her affair with OM2 for the very same reason, and also that she never had any enthusiasm for oral with me.

I do understand your disappointment it's almost like you have to account for 17 years of no oral sex. It's even painful to think that during that time 20+ years in my case I did not get it from any other women.

God Bless
Gamma

lights, I can see right now you and I are cut from the same cloth. You and I place a higher value on the intimacy of oral sex than actual intercourse. I understand this completely. I will not offer any advice on this because it would be a direct violation of MB's TOS.

Just want you to know I understand exactly what you are going through and dealing with, and oh do I feel for you. That must have been crushing. I really don't know what to say.

{{{man hug}}}

That is not a disappointment at all. It is how a BUYER behaves. If you want your wife to desire sex with you, then you have to make sure it is enjoyable for her. Making sacrifices is a win/lose scenario that always ends in bad sexual relationships. It is how sexual aversions are created. If a person does something unpleasant pretty soon that unpleasant feeling will be associated to everything about the relationship. And that is when women stop having sex altogether.

I have never ask W for OS because I knew she did not like it. It is the fact that she did have OS with the OM I have a hard time with. I really don't want a D but I really don't know if I can stay and be happy. I have over half my life invested in this marriage. I am now worried that I will end up drinking again after tonight.