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Just spoke to Joyce, I'll be on the show TODAY!!
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Ooh, I will be sure to listen. I know you will get some good advice. I was on the show back in January and having my H just listen to the show and the harleys advice really helped. I am going to listen on my phone right now.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Ooh, I will be sure to listen. I know you will get some good advice. I was on the show back in January and having my H just listen to the show and the harleys advice really helped. I am going to listen on my phone right now. 15, Do you remember the date of your show so I can go back and listen?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I believe it was January 20th. I am Alex on the show.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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I believe it was January 20th. I am Alex on the show. Ok thanks I will listen. Do you mind if I post them to your thread so I have them book marked?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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H and I heard you on the radio show. Dr. Harley seems very positive about your progress and future.
The part I found disturbing (in general) was that Dr. Harley says most waywards, at least initially, blame the BS for the affair and are not very sorry it happened. In the SAA book, Sue never did apologize. In our case, H blamed me for much of the A. I was too this or too that and not enough of the other. Of course, most of it was all in his head and he never mentioned any of it to me. My H changed from that line of thought many, many months ago, realizing that he had sloppy barriers and the ow was able to become way to friendly. Then it was down the slippery slope. "The fog" still really bothers me even though I know it is mostly physiological.
Did your husband listen to the show? What did he think? What do you think?
AM
Last edited by armymama; 05/05/12 05:12 AM.
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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armymama- thanks, we haven't had a chance to listen yet lol. Well, I started to....
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Thinking back to my foggy days, I was grasping at any and all excuses other than myself to justify my A. I blamed my H, my dad, my sister moving away, depression, on and on. I was trying to figure out why I did what I did. All of those excuses seem so silly now because the truth is so clear. When you take true accountability for your actions the fog clears, sometimes it just takes awhile.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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I believe it was January 20th. I am Alex on the show. Ok thanks I will listen. Do you mind if I post them to your thread so I have them book marked? Please do!
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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I've been meaning to ask.
Has your H ended his affair? Was his affair exposed?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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How are you coming along on your AO?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 633
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I've been meaning to ask.
Has your H ended his affair? Was his affair exposed? BH, Yes, he ended his affair rather quickly. When I told him I was going into plan B (I did not realize at the time that that is what it was). His affair was exposed to my parents, siblings, our children, and close friends. His parents and brother already knew about it and felt it was justified because of what I did and because we were separated. He did a NC letter and has not spoken to her since January.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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How are you coming along on your AO? I am assuming by AO you mean angry outburst and you are getting that from the radio clip. I never really have angry outburst they are more like crying outburst. When my H and I get into an argument I am very bad at getting too emotional and crying rather than expressing my feelings. I have gotten better though at getting my feelings out without getting to emotional...still a work in progress. I think Dr. H and Joyce misread my email because I said that it was actually my H that has AO. When he does not like what he hears he gets mad says something disrespectful and then walks away. He is working on thid as well and our arguments, although still arguments have been much more productive.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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How are you coming along on your AO? I am assuming by AO you mean angry outburst and you are getting that from the radio clip. I never really have angry outburst they are more like crying outburst. When my H and I get into an argument I am very bad at getting too emotional and crying rather than expressing my feelings. I have gotten better though at getting my feelings out without getting to emotional...still a work in progress. I think Dr. H and Joyce misread my email because I said that it was actually my H that has AO. When he does not like what he hears he gets mad says something disrespectful and then walks away. He is working on thid as well and our arguments, although still arguments have been much more productive. Oh yes I heard it on your call to the show. So does your H still have the AO? I use to struggle with them and Dr. Harley's lovebusters on AO helped me so much. It has a plan on how to handle them. It sounds like you both have come along way wouldn't you agree?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 633
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How are you coming along on your AO? I am assuming by AO you mean angry outburst and you are getting that from the radio clip. I never really have angry outburst they are more like crying outburst. When my H and I get into an argument I am very bad at getting too emotional and crying rather than expressing my feelings. I have gotten better though at getting my feelings out without getting to emotional...still a work in progress. I think Dr. H and Joyce misread my email because I said that it was actually my H that has AO. When he does not like what he hears he gets mad says something disrespectful and then walks away. He is working on thid as well and our arguments, although still arguments have been much more productive. Oh yes I heard it on your call to the show. So does your H still have the AO? I use to struggle with them and Dr. Harley's lovebusters on AO helped me so much. It has a plan on how to handle them. It sounds like you both have come along way wouldn't you agree? I totally agree! I will never look at my, marriage in the sane way again. I have domuch more respect for myself and my marriage. I am reading Love Busters right now. I have actually taken notes on AO and DJ.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Will your H read Lovebusters? At least listen to Dr. Harley's Anger Mgmt 101 ?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 633
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Thanks for the link. I think it will benefit both my H and me. I have been reading your forum and I remember reading parts of it a couple of months ago. How are things going with you and your H? I noticed that you have not posted in a couple of months.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Thanks for the link. I think it will benefit both my H and me. I have been reading your forum and I remember reading parts of it a couple of months ago. How are things going with you and your H? I noticed that you have not posted in a couple of months. Doing really well. Thanks for asking. We get 25+ hours of UA time. We work at the same place on same shift. We share a phone, all emails, access to work emails. We have everything together. It took him awhile but he finally understands boundaries. No nights apart anymore. We have put in place his EP and what a huge difference. I even see how is whole over all interaction with women in general has been a huge 360. I still work on my anger but his anger control has been phenomenal. I think besides all our hard work we finally found the correct meds for him (that was a huge hurdle) and a wonderful therapist that does DBT therapy.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 633
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BH,
I am very happy to hear that and can't wait until my H and I are as seasoned as you guys. I can tell by your wise advice and commitment to this site that you are still learning, growing, and teaching every day. Thank you for that!
Now my new hurdle and what this post has been about, my MIL. We still have not made amends and while I know it is my H's place to truly stand up for our marriage I have this tugging at my heart. I have really been wanting to send her another apology letter lately.
I read on someone else's post not to be too wordy just short and sweet on how you feel. I have been wanting to do this for about a week and feel that Mothers day would be the best day to do it.
I am going to talk to my H and come to a decision together.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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