PI,

You, me and all the other BS that stick around here have something that no one else has. It's called strength. We have sense of family, values and morals. There are plenty of times when we feel confused or weak, but you know what? We're here. We're not only trying to fix our WS, but we're helping others in need. It's a shame that the spouses we love don't see what us MB folks see. We comprehend that our children will never be the same. Waywards believe that the children will be ok. I say they will survive, but they won't be ok. They don't see that two parents raising their own children is the best option. I don't want my boys playing catch with some jerk that isn't me! I don't want my daughter having an attachment to some step dad that is only there to reap the benefits of giving my children their way. That guy doesn't have to be the disciplinarian so he will be the "fun" guy. All he has to do is buy stuff that the kids want because he knows I have to buy the necessities.

I'm sure blended families are hard on the kids too. There is not one single benefit I can see from AP getting married. One person, ONE, can ruin a whole bunch of others' lives for their own selfish agendas. Lack of maturity and selfishness. Wake up people! Life takes work. Stop looking for the easy way out of everything because you're making work twice as hard.

PI, stay faithful, you will be rewarded in due time. The bible says so.

GJM...if they make a movie called Courageous 2, you need to be in it. Your strength and endurance on your plan A has been phenomenal. You will thrive and suceed as well as your children as you have proven to them what it is to be a nuturer and role model.

I have no doubts as to your continued success in life and you children.

LR,

Thanks, that means a lot. Wish you the best!

G, you said this in an earlier post.

I cut it some but this is what I focused on.

And then you wrote...


G, you are not broken at all, she is. You are hurt, and rightfully so. But, eventually, she will know you did things the right way. I suspect she already does but is just too damned stubborn to admit it. Her wanting to blame you for "turning" your son against her just makes me want puke. She just reeks of entitlement and is grasping at straws to justify her behavior by transferring what little bit of blame she has left to you.

Sooner or later, though, she's going to have no one left to transfer that blame to. One day she's going to look in the mirror and say...

HOLY CRAP!

You may hear about it, or you may not, but it will happen.

What I mean by saying I'm broken is that I feel worn down. I feel tired. I don't feel like the happy go-getter man that I was. I have to force myself to do these things when before it was natural. I feel like my legs were broken and I had to learn how to walk again.

I hope the woman that I called wife will one day look in the mirror and see what she's done. I won't lose sleep worrying about that one though. My goal is to be a better me. I feel like I have this calling to help others. I always have and I've always done that. I kind of went into self preservation mode for a while, but I've been noticing a high number of divorces since my marriage went south.

It's like when you buy a new car. You never really noticed that particular car on the road until you buy it. The next thing you know, you see it everywhere. That's what I've been seeing with divorce and infidelity.

G, your posts for the last 4 days have been screaming for Plan B. You deserve better, and it's time to protect you. You are just too worn out, and I think it's pretty obvious to everyone here.

You've done you're job (and a stellar job I might add) trying to get her back. Now it's time to get you back.

Make it all about you and the kids. You've been through enough.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, friend.

GJM, when are you going to go into PB?

Hey GJM, I've followed your story and was wondering how you're doing? I know you've been through a lot. Did you ever go into plan B?

JV,

Hi, thanks for checking in. Things are going well for myself. The marriage is still at a standstill. My love bank is still full. I'm a lot stronger than I was before. I've learned to adapt to my situations. I haven't gone into Plan B. I'm not sure what to say. Nothing is worse or better. I have learned a lot. I know Scotty is wondering why I won't do Plan B. I just don't feel l'm ready. I think in some ways I'm ready for the next chapter in my life. It's hard to explain, but I truly love my wife, but at the same time, I feel like she's not ready for me. I might be one of those people that marries their ex wife. I have this feeling she will come around, but it will take a long time because she's so stubborn.

Well Dr. Harley says men can be in Plan A for a much longer time than women. I think in SAA John took awhile to go into Plan B and that was with Dr. Harley coaching him and Sue still in an affair.

How are you? How are you holding up? Obviously your LB is still full.

BH,

I'm good. I'm just living my life. My DD13 is getting into counseling soon. I'm excited about that. She needs an outlet. Other than that, I'm recovering. I'm not bitter or angry. I have my moments of weakness, but don't LB or DJ. Still following Dr Hs plan for me.

It sounds like you're a MB warrior. That's a good thing right? How can you go wrong if you're following Dr. Harley's plan?

Do you have an end date? You don't have to tell anyone, but do you have one set for you or not?

I can't remember, but are you coaching with Steve?

Thanks for the update, GJM! So what are your plans if/when the divorce finalizes in terms of contact with your WW? I think at one point you were planning on plan B at that point. Are you still going to do that?

Glad to hear your dd is getting into counseling. Is your WW moving into a bigger place anytime soon?

Jennifer here is GJM's response about Plan B. I figured you may not have seen it.

Thanks BH! I had, but I was just wondering about after divorce. Previously he'd said he'd warned his WW that it wouldn't be "Like this" meaning dinners together, meeting her ENs, etc., after the divorce. So just wondering if he'll ever pull out the ol' stick.

For the record, I think it's important that you do, GJM. I'm going to be entering plan B soon and gave my H a warning...I think he's taking it seriously, spending a lot of time with me now to almost get his fill. But if I never actually go into plan B, he won't take me seriously about the boundaries I set, and he'll also never actually experience that life without me that I think will be harder for him than he realizes.

GJM, you've done such a stellar plan A...but remember what the experts here all say, if you don't follow the plan A and B, you're entering plan C, compromise, which doesn't work. I just want to make sure you're doing what you can...because I can tell you love your wife, want your family whole again, and really could see that happening. But once you're divorced, if you don't enter plan B, your WxW will be free to have as many men on the side as she wants, and she can still come back to you when she wants that family experience...and you've done plan C, enabled her wayward lifestyle.

Let me tell you, I'm totally dreading plan B myself. I'm going to miss my H terribly. And I know it's going to be hard on the kids to not have us all just hanging out (especially the older two, his step kids, who he probably won't see much after D unless I facilitate it). But I'll never get over him if I don't do it, and that is my right, too, to live a life without undue emotional pain from longing for something I can't have. Anyways...just my two cents And I'm by no means someone who can talk about the effectiveness of all this, just someone who's studying up as best I can and really believes in MB.

GJM, do you plan to Plan A indefinitely? Do you plan to ever enter Plan B? I am afraid that you will actually get to the point where you will feel indifferent to your WW. That would mean that there was ZERO chance that you would save your marriage.

I promise you Scotty, if I ever start to feel that way, I will enter Plan B. I have a date with my W on Tuesday. She's not only seeing me be strong and still be there for her right now, but she's seeing what a woman is supposed to be treated like. When the divorce is final and she no longer had the support and love from me, she will realize what she is missing and what she lost. It doesn't mean that we can never be together again. It also doesn't mean that I won't want her back in my life if she asks me to try again. I'm still doing things the MB way. This is what Dr H said to do and I'm handling it just fine. Plan B is for me and I'm not ready for it yet. I still have hope and faith.

Dr. Harley actually told you to let this go to divorce on the hope of remarrying someday? I know it's happened before, but that doesn't sound a whole lot like the MB way to me.

There's been at least one MB case I can think of where this was accomplished. It's unlikely, but possible.

Do you remember the case?