I'm still at funny. Never in my life have I watched so many funny sitcoms and movies along with the occasional action. I used to be a bit of a drama fan, but found in early Plan B I just could not get a train of thought going long enough to actually follow the story line. So drama and documentary was replaced with Big Bang Theory, Indiana Jones films and Ben Stiller flicks.

Thanks, ladies, but tonight I am not strong. I feel like my heart is literally breaking. I've even thought of calling him and saying don't bother, its all over, because I just can't anymore. But I told myself I'd be bloody effed off come morning!

I'm just going to excuse myself and go have a good cry, then go to sleep. Darn kitten keeps waking me at 6.30, which is mighty early for me during holiday time.

I am in new Zealand, caracal, so not too far away from you. I must pop in to see the new nz poster, but I'm in no shape tonight.

See y'all in the new day.

Get some sleep Letty. This is a trauma, and your body and soul need rest to heal.

And there is nothing wrong with a good cry. Let it out. You are in pain.

Love your fighting spirit though. Yes, you would be effed off in the morning if you contacted him. It would achieve nothing. He would still be wayward. And you would have shown him you are not serious with your Plan B, and that your bar wavers according to your FEELINGS. That is how a wayward acts. YOU are better than that.

Be strong. Hugs. Sleep tight.

I am obsessed with the Big Bang Theory!



It is. The physical pain, needing to curl into a ball, was quite the shock to me.


Yes cry whenever you can and mopst certainly sleep whenever you can.

I'm glad it is not jut me then! I had never seen Big Bang until after D Day, and it became my salvation. It was the only thing I could watch and focus on. Anything else, I was just staring blankly at the screen and couldn't even tell people what was on. My father has always been a remote control dictator, but he even noticed my engagement and actually started to put Big Bang on out of sympathy!!!

I figure if Sheldon can't make someone laugh, life is doomed!

I LOOOOOOOVE Big Bang Theory!!!!!!


Letty: get in out it. It'll make you laugh.


When I was alone during H's absence from our home a lot of times my iPod would be glued in my ears....music does a lot for me. I loved kick-donkey songs that were empowering.

It will probably be easier for you too, Letty, when the ADs have a chance to kick in.

I know how much I vacillated in the early days - feeling hopeless about my marriage - not caring about my marriage any longer - wanting to never see H again - wanting to see H right that minute... it's a crazy time. You just have to try different coping mechanisms and see what works for you.

(((((Letty)))))

Good morning. Made it through the night, though just before waking I had a dream that H showed up at a reception I was at. This dream morphed into one where he was emailing someone from here about MB concepts. Ehhh, anxiety dream, that'll never happen.

Listening to the radio show again. I know everyone says this, but it is strange how alike each situation is.

I'm not are yet how I feel today, but I can tell all three of you that I love big bang! Its on twice a week here, and I make every effort to watch it. I am thrilled that a few USA shows I really like are coming back to our new channel soho next week.

I'll come back when I've gotten up and had a cuppa. Thank you for your replies - they're keeping me going!

Love MBRADIO.

I've listen to them all and the situations are very similar. I love how MB fits them all whether it's Plan A, Plan B or recovered.

I know - we all think our situations are unique but sadly, they aren't. When you arrive here you feel like you most post all the details so people "understand" but when it comes down to it, the same common denominators are at play in every case.

Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't vent here when you feel you need to get the details out. Sometimes just putting it on paper or on screen helps you think through it all.

The thing that helped me was having some structure in my life when I was going through the hardest parts. I had to make myself stick to a schedule - something I wasn't used to as a SAHM. Having things to do and places to be helped me function. (Don't ask me how well - I don't remember!)

Let people know practical ways in which they can help you. My youngest son was very intuitive as to when I just needed him to help around the house or sit down with me in the living room - even if we were both reading. My daughter sent me encouraging texts. My brother called to check in and would tell me stupid jokes to make me crack a smile.

As for books/movies/tv shows - look for strong, female characters (or male!) with "not going to take it anymore" themes. That helped me stay strong.

yes, i am. soooo glad i didn't. i *knew* i wouldn't, but the desire...oh goodness, the desire was so strong! i am feeling somewhat better today. certainly not in that black hole. maybe just teetering around the edge.

everyone: when i finally got downstairs this morning, the kids were watching american pie 2 (i say kids: 18 & 20). i would normally never consider such a film, but i sat down w/them and laughed and laughed! it felt so good. we are going bowling this afternoon, and i have just sent them to the shop to get all 3 pie films so i can giggle my way through the evening. with a chicken pot pie ready for the oven, the evening is ready to go.

tomorrow my dd wants to see my IMs kids, so we are meeting at my horse paddock so the kids can pat the horses and sheep. it'll be good to get out - i tend to never leave the house if i can help it! hopefully the weather will be nice. it's kinda hinky today.

cara, i spent some time this morning reading your thread. i'm not nearly finished, but girl, my heart breaks for you. what a catch 22 that we can all understand each other so well because we have been through the same hell!

sunny - yes, the being able to vent is such an important part - get the feelings out, and when others tell you it's ok, it's just so supportive and makes you feel like you aren't teetering too far over the abyss.

btw, i got down 3 pancakes this morning (but no bacon). was kinda sad making the pancakes, as i always made the batter and WH did the cooking of said cakes, but it was ok.

i was wondering if i acted inappropriately when WH said "i don't think this is working." instead of leaving the house for good, i should have opened a conversation about what he was struggling with. it would have gone better if he had said "i am struggling with some of these concepts." anyhow, i think the decision to go to plan b was right, as otherwise who knows how many more lies i would have been force-fed this last week?

a part of me hopes (ah hope, the last respite of the desperate) that he will agree to conditions and attempt to meet tomorrow as evidence of commitment, as he is supposed to be at the drag races in another town. but i know in my heart he's probably there today and staying until tomorrow (his original plan until i objected due to appt to photograph model tonight. he conceded to only go race day, tomorrow). have to stick to the plan - do NOT think about what he's thinking/doing! it doesn't matter!

i have just made a list for the lawyer's appt. is there anything i'm forgetting that i should ask about? appt not until thursday.

1. query: Separation Agreement - needs lawyer sig? is it going to bounce back to me?
2. WH is paying for his accommodation out of joint checking, but not depositing any money. ***BRING BANK STATEMENT
3. He needs to contribute for joint bills - last month�s electrical, phone, cable. ***BRING THESE BILLS***i will pay from now on.
3a. He is to file a change of address for the bills I've brought that are his personal bills. I will not be forwarding his mail for him (i'm wary of putting in an official change of address, as i don't want our joint mail [bank stmts, etc] going to him).
4. Formal agreement to allow the businesses to run as normal in the interim.
5. Wish to move his cars/stuff to storage/his place of residence asap.
6. Taxes need to be filed immediately for (WHs business). I have put together (all other documents) for the 2011-2012 tax year, but he can�t do them until WH's personal business is in. Tax return/accountant's invoice to be split accordingly (put in formal agreement in #4).

ok, putting on happy face now, even though WH and i just had fun bowling a week ago.

brief moment of anger: he's not willing to spend $195/week for six weeks to demonstrate love and commitment to me, but can spend $125/night for accommodation to show me disrespect and total lack of love/commitment? geez louise, he is seriously messed up.

((( Letty)))

Enjoy those movies with your boys.

You're in Plan B. So are you finding out things?

I was paying the bills. He paid via our checking. Another thing to add to lawyer list. Side note. Everything here is paid by eftpos card. Your bank acct shows details of all transactions. If he'd paid w/his own credit card, I wouldnt have known. I've been very god - no stalking! But I'd put off paying my own bills long enough.

Thats way too much light for your plan to be dark.

If you can see what he's spending - thats as good as following him around all day. You'll never get through withdrawal like that. Every transaction will be a trigger that sets your withdrawal clock back to day one.

Plus he prob knows you can see it and will mess with your head.

What can you do to address this? Can't you close the account and get your own separate one? He shouldnt have access to your funds either, and legally and financially he should be locked down so he cant fritter away your money.

I've got my owne now, but itll be two more weeks before my paycheck will go there. We've recently moved banks and bundled all our mortgages together, and w/ two businesses its a nightmare w/many of our payments being made via auto-payments. My discussion w/ the lawyer resulted in leaving all the accounts as-is for now, as freezing them screws me. But I'm asking that he also open his own acct (at lawyers) to pay his own bills; however, our businesses complicate things. Until the lawyer gets back Thursday, my hands are tied. The good news is that I don't check the accounts unless its bill time or collection time. I have no legal means to prevent him from using the accounts (straight from lawyers mouth). The only money he has spent has been for his accommodation. It didn't bother me seeing it, until I realised the cost comparison!

I agree with Indie. Any crack in Plan B needs puttying up, I've learned the hard way. Don't put yourself through it Letty.

Imagine if WH really wants to start hurting you... florist transactions, romantic hotel bills. Just don't go there. This peak has already shown you the emtions and the coaster pick up speed. Peaks slow down YOUR personal recovery. And regardless if WH pulls his head out of his butt or not, without you being strong enough, marital recovery can't take place.

Protect yourself. Follow Indie's advice.

Well done on a wonderful Plan B weekend. If this is your first weekend of Plan B, imagine how you will be in a few months!!!

Congrats Letty, I'm impressed. It took me much longer to jump these hurdles in Plan B, replacing particular memories of Gollum and weekend breakfasts with Plan B breakfasts. Be proud of yourself!

Doing what I can considering I have no legal backing. I'll take another 2-3 weeks for the autopaments to tick over.

Can you ask your IM or someone trustworthy to check it for you? That way you wont be exposed to his shenanigans.

Whether a trigger bothers you or not, its still a trigger. Triggers will make it impossible for you to get out of snooping/battle/thinking of him mode and into your own space. Withdrawal is intensely painful. there no way you will be able to endure two weeks (at least) of triggers.

Even if he doenst use the account again, every time you log on you will know you *might* see what he's been doing. That in itself is a trigger. If you see nothing, you wonder if he is trying to hide his transactions from you! Again, a trigger.

Seriously, any wayward worth his salt will put a romantic hotel bill on there. Anyone would do that. I myself, even though Im a BS and should be above such things, put red roses on my dining table in view of the window after I kicked him out. Why? So he could see them and wonder where they're from.

From someone who found a hotel receipt for a romantic getaway (that I had really wanted to go on myself) Im telling you, dont leave him that option to mess with your head in that way. It's pretty bad picturing them at the hotel.

Get that gap plugged up.