Oh and dont forget, viewing his account is also a temptation for you to 'get your fix' of him.

when you next miss him, the desire to see if hes spent anything/what hes been doing will be immense.

So ask a third party to do what needs doing with the accounts - and also ask them to change the password and not tell you so its impossible for you to snoop.

You have blocked him/OW on all social networking sites etc too havent you?

Can your IM or someone you trust pay the bills or check them until you get this worked out?

You're so new into Plan B, that the cracks can do a lot of damage to you (even someone who's been in it for years can still feel the pain, read Mulan's latest Plan B crack). You're doing very well for 5 days in but need to plug the holes. Do you have anyone else?

I think when you're so new, and the pain is so fresh the pain of Plan B breaks don't even register.

Its like one more stab wound when you're already bleeding out onto the floor.

Its not until you're through withdrawal and get your first accidental chink of light that you realise how much pain they cause.

This is very true. Plus, at the beginning a lot of times anger overrides pain as well. As the anger subsides, depression can hit (going through stages of grief), and those triggers that you stood up to fairly easily earlier can hit like a ton of bricks.

Well, y'all, I sadly experienced another crack last night. DD came home and said 'I've just saw dad at the pay phone at the dairy!' I had to wait until my heart stopped racing, then remind her that she's not just not to tell me if he calls/texts/emails her, she's not to tell me anything at all. I explained how much it hurts me to hear anything about him.

I see now its not exactly about Me breaking plan b, as he is not aware of any of it. Its about PB as its own entity, which then encloses me in its safety (the safety I should have gotten from wh). I see what sunny means re the high of having any kind of contact vs the deep low that follows. I have to go to work next week. I can't afford to not be in the ball. You can't wrangle 150 teenage boys well unless you're on your game. So brainstorming ways to paper up the cracks. I'm going to think of anything wh related as a poison gas. New plan b-ers, it pays to get this all done in advance!I shouldn't have been so hasty, but I don't regret my timing. I could be doing all this rubbish while having to work!

Btw, there is no ow, so to speak. Just a sad middle aged man who wants to flirt w/pretty girls and not have his ib interrupted. If an ow enters the picture, I will not be in plan b, but plan d. He's not worth going through all that again.

Can you have your IM resend your Plan B letter?

This way he'll remember.

Can you have your IM or someone you trust pay your bills until you get the accounts switched?

I wrote my plan b letter by hand, and he has it. Her job is to reiterate: I want to come home. Her: do you have an action plan for 100% commitment & honesty? Him (anything other than yes). Her: call me back when you do, *click*. Thanks to Indie in another thread for that!

So how are you going to fix these cracks in your Plan B?

What about having your DD read the article from Dr. H on what Plan B is?
What are Plan A and Plan B?

Having long talk w/dd in just a sec (whoops, she walked in, and it was just now). going to ask my work friend who took me in on day 1 to do the banking. it's all internet based, so not hard for her to do it if she will (though the bank manager wouldn't like it! tough.) calling account mgr tomorrow to make sure i've hit all the autopayments that come out (health ins, life ins, cable, elec, phone, etc etc ad nauseum). debating whether i can wait until thursday to see lawyer. could call and see his partner tomorrow possibly, but my lawyer has all the details and i REALLY don't feel like having to explain myself from the start unless it's imperative.

i think that's it for now, unless i've missed something? mmm, just realised that he should be paying half the med/life. i'll add that to the lawyer list.

feeling medium meh today thus far. going to go to the pet place to buy my neighbours a replacement goldfish for their pond, and book an appt for my kitten to have her shots. it's a very pretty, sunny day here today, which helps, though only 44 degrees when i got up!

just a quick note: realised that i should leave health/life in the joint account and just deposit my share there.

Good job Letty. Glad you're having a better day. When you stop having the breaks in Plan B you'll start healing.

Good job on plugging up those holes.

thanks BH. the support here helps so much. no one else "gets" it, you know? you have a good day too.

How did the talk with your daughter go? Is she supporting your position?

I understand you can't dictate to her how she interacts with her father, but you sure can educate her on what you're doing and why and ask her to support the marriage. Our kids were a huge accountability source for my H!

You're doing great! Just take it day by day.

Wow, we've had a big day today. WH has agreed to terms, and has offered dinner tomorrow to discuss his plan.

After the past several weeks, im wary. I'm willing to listen, but not make any plans for now. He is definely not coming back in the house until JC is well on its way!

How did he do this? Through your IM?

What conditions did you set for him in your Plan B letter?

Letty set the bar high or you are very vulnerable for a false recovery.

Read this so you're educated on the signs.
False Recovery

What terms has he agreed to? Did he agree to your list? Did you hear this from your IM?

He is trying to control the situation, having you to dinner with him to discuss "his plan". "His plan" should be YOUR plan, YOUR list of EPs.

You should be wary. It sounds like he's not liking Plan B too much and is trying to break it by having dinner with you. He may bring out some ridiculous 'plan' of his that will encourage you to lower your bar - DON'T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN. His goal right now may well be to do a little bit in order to get back into your good graces so he can move back home and get back to business as usual.

What, exactly, did the IM tell you about his call agreeing to your terms?

Believe me, I am under no illusions here. I am willing to hear how he is going to demonstrate honesty and commitment, and then he can show me. I have no plans to have him in the house anytime soon, nor SF, which i am aware is my weak point.

No, he must meet all conditions w/actions, not words. My wh is not a communicator, so we will see how he does. I am willing to listen...once. if ALL terms are not addressed, he can go back to his hole. And if they are, he is going to have to live them for however long SH says before he's allowed home.

Letty, I really hope your WH is serious about this.

Since you are both already involved with SH, I would suggest letting him assess your WH's plan for recovery. Let SH get an idea of how serious your WH is.

Good that you'll put it pass Steve.

Let us know what he says. When's your next apt with Steve?