Adultery is an addiction. The HIGH is so powerful and so stimulating ... they stop at nothing to get it.

His whore is his drug and she alters his mood ... that is controlling his actions. Treat him like the drug addict he is today.

He is following the wayward script to a "T" ... Once the light is shined on their sordid behavior it can take up to six months to end. Sometimes a full 2 years, but that is rare.

Waywards/addicts cannot be trusted. They lie, deny, blame shift, and will throw anyone who stands in their way under the bus. Expect that to happen, and expect him to treat you as if you are the devil.

I would place money on the fact his parents have their own adultery to deal ... if you can do some snooping ... you may reveal some dark family secrets. People who support adultery are usually adulterers themselves ... I would cut all communication with them and allow your children very little to no access to them.

My MIL/FIL support my WH and his whore. I found out my WH was not only a product of my MIL's adultery (i.e. an OC), but she also has several adulterous relationship under her belt along with a relationship with my WH's old friend when they were both 18 ... sickening ...

My WH is actually being coached by MIL ... today she is a lonely woman approaching 60 ... the men she meets are horrible and she is a very sad woman. I have banned all contact with her and my children are not allowed around her.

He's trying to do damage control so he can stay in his called profession. That's not going to work. I'm not saying he can no longer pastor a church; I'm saying he will have to go to any other church and acknowledge his sin. He doesn't want to do that, and he's not ready to let his AP go. He's very foggy, but you, my friend, are doing a great job! Good for you!

Wow. You're good.
5 years ago FIL had an EA with MIL's BF. It was disasterous! WH's parents almost divorced b/c his mom (MIL) was so devastated. They went through MC and claim to be wonderful today! Better than ever! They are both devout Christians, esp MIL. That's what's making it so hard to understand why they are acting like they are to me!? They've always been so caring! And now, when I call MIL, she doesn't answer her phone, calls WH to inform him and HE calls me to ask what I wanted to talk to MIL about! I would think a 50+ y old woman could handle her own phone conversation!
Unfortunately, WH is living w/ them so the kids see them whenever they see him.

Wow again! He has even told me he wishes he could somehow separate from me and NOT from the ministry. He LOVES being in the ministry. Friends & family have suggested he have been trying to manipulate me to file for divorce the past few months so HE could claim abandonment and continue pastoring in some denominations.

THANK YOU for the Bible verses. I'm staying prayed up and in God's Word regularly. THANK YOU for praying! I am becoming somewhat concerned for my safety. WH has never, ever, ever been physically abusive and rarely even raises his voice, even when angry. But I'm discovering he is sooooo manipulative & controlling, that I am fearful of what he may succumb to should all his plans start unravelling. I fear he may rather find an "end to it all" than fess up to anything if he feels backed into a corner.
I cherish the prayers of every one of you! Esp you who have unfortunately found yourselves in my position before.

Wow. You're good.
5 years ago FIL had an EA with MIL's BF. It was disasterous! WH's parents almost divorced b/c his mom (MIL) was so devastated. They went through MC and claim to be wonderful today! Better than ever! They are both devout Christians, esp MIL. That's what's making it so hard to understand why they are acting like they are to me!? They've always been so caring! And now, when I call MIL, she doesn't answer her phone, calls WH to inform him and HE calls me to ask what I wanted to talk to MIL about! I would think a 50+ y old woman could handle her own phone conversation!
Unfortunately, WH is living w/ them so the kids see them whenever they see him.

Wow again! He has even told me he wishes he could somehow separate from me and NOT from the ministry. He LOVES being in the ministry. Friends & family have suggested he have been trying to manipulate me to file for divorce the past few months so HE could claim abandonment and continue pastoring in some denominations.

THANK YOU for the Bible verses. I'm staying prayed up and in God's Word regularly. THANK YOU for praying! I am becoming somewhat concerned for my safety. WH has never, ever, ever been physically abusive and rarely even raises his voice, even when angry. But I'm discovering he is sooooo manipulative & controlling, that I am fearful of what he may succumb to should all his plans start unravelling. I fear he may rather find an "end to it all" than fess up to anything if he feels backed into a corner.
I cherish the prayers of every one of you! Esp you who have unfortunately found yourselves in my position before.

That's what's making it so hard to understand why they are acting like they are to me!?

In-laws will often take the position, "Well, he may be a SOB, but he's our SOB!"

They may come around, as this plays out. Keep the lines of communication open, guardedly. Relay facts, not causations, especially about the effect on the children.

It would have been better had they refused him sanctuary (had to get that in), but his continuing to reside there will just make him look that more pathetic to the world at large. ("Our minister had to run home to Mommy?")

Stay cool, stay open to his return if he's willing to undertake the MB program.

WHisapastor,

You are really doing the right thing. Before I found MB my W was taking OM4 to church with her, and was in an emotionally vulnerable state. Had there been a predatory person in position of authority or counsel, she would have been easy picking.

He has even told me he wishes he could somehow separate from me and NOT from the ministry. He LOVES being in the ministry.

If he loves the ministry so much why does he use it to promote sin and the destruction of families.

Friends & family have suggested he have been trying to manipulate me to file for divorce the past few months so HE could claim abandonment and continue pastoring in some denominations.

Just keep telling the truth, his lying alone makes him unfit as a pastor.

God Bless
Gamma

WHisapastor,

Your MIL may also be in her own fog of denial about FIL affair. To acknowledge that her Son is just like FIL would be to feel a double failure so she avoids. Her Sons affair is crushing her but she just can't cope is my guess.

God Bless
Gamma

I would guess he uses it to meet a high admiration need. Would you say that's a top need Whip?

We'll see how much he enjoys it when he's in a position of having to earn his admiration, not just fake it.

With whip, he could have it all - love romance and well earned honour and respect. She should play these stregnths to the max and paint a picture of how his remorse could set an exampl to, and save others from adultery. He only has to give up cheap needs to show whaat else he has to offer.

Romans 2: 22-24

1 Corinthians 7: 10-11

And if he tells you to submit, remind him of his own obligation:

Ephesians 4: 25-28.

That last one is a tall order for men. Christ died for his Church. Ask him if he is loving you as Christ loved his Church?

Finally, ask him what part of "Thou shall not committ adultery" is unclear.

If he continues down this path, then I say he is not a true believer, but a false preacher and hypocrite, who shall be judged accordingly:

Romans 2: 23-24

Paraphrasing: If he breaks the law he is blaspheming God while preaching the law.

Our Lord Jesus Christ exposed and condemned hypocrisy most famously in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6:1-6; 16-18; 7:1-5). Matthew 23 records our Lord devastating condemnation of hypocrisy: �All their works they do to be seen by men� woe to you, �hypocrites! For you shut up the Kingdom of Heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in. �hypocrites! For you devour widows houses� hypocrites! You make him twice as much the son of hell as yourselves. Woe to you, blind guides� fools and blind! �blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel! �full of extortion and self-indulgence� woe to you� hypocrites! For you are like white washed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men�s bones and all uncleanness. Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness� serpents, brood of vipers! How can you escape the condemnation of hell?� Matthew 23:1-33
God clearly demands honesty and sincerity. Our yes must be YES! and

Yes! Yes! YES! He is VERY insecure and lacks confidence when making decisions. Likes to keep "yes men" around him to back up choices he makes and make him feel wise and powerful. He's always been short (a 5'5" guy) and overweight, until recently when he lost 40+ lbs in a short amount of time last fall.

Stay strong. Stay the course. He is not simply your typical wayward spouse....he appears to be a practised manipulator. Ignore his words and stand on THE Word. He may love to pastor but he does not (at least not now) love the Lord nor HIs Church. He loves himself. That man should not be in the ministry with the heart condition that he currently has.

Is there anyway you could record him confessing/admitting to cheating in your presence?

Hang in there and stay strong. Until He is broken by his sin do not let any words that come out of his mouth have power with you. Reject it!

Thanks Help. I Love God's Word and reading those was enlightening (I think you were referring to Eph. 5, but those verses in Eph. 4 were encouraging to my situation too!)

Blasphemy is pretty serious business!

The Bible is pretty damning of those who turn people away from the Church through their hypocrisy. I can�t think of a more damning statement than the one Christ made in Mathew.

But your H may truly be lost and so absorbed in his delusion that he�s fallen for temptation and may be lost for a long time. The question I have for you is this: Has he always been this way about women?

In that case you have a lot of really strong cards in your hand.

Exposure hurts him more than other people, he needs you to pursue his life's work, plus admiration junkies tend to be 'greedy cake eaters' who lap up the ENs you give them as bait.

If you were to read the Art of War thread in my sig (the enemy is the sin, not the sinner) you would probably see you have a lot to work with here on busting up his addiction.

Your main weak point is his 'yes men' people who support his horrible choices. I'd make it a condition for recovery later on that anyone who supported the A or helped him avoid responsibilities would have to go.

If I understand the question correctly, yes, he has. When started dating in HS and the night he told me he wanted to be more than "just friends" we'd been out birthday-gift-shopping for his gf. They stayed together another 2 weeks before we could "go public" with our new relationship.
He broke off our first engagement in 2002 b/c I was "being so controlling and he needed to get some things straightened out with himself." I found out not long after that he was dating someone. Even during their their months of dating he would speak highly of me to others, send me cards & letters and tell me he KNEW we would be back together and were meant to be, just not at that exact moment. It was a very tense & confusing time for me.
Our first year of marriage I discovered a secret email acct he was using to contact other women. I blocked a lot of that out and don't remember many details about the situation.
Then Valentine's day 2009 I was blindsided when I discovered he had been emailing, "sexting", and talking on the phone with other women! The emails I read were disgusting! I'm his wife and I wouldn't even want him saying the things to me he was saying to these women! I kept a few of the emails at the time but have since destroyed them. He was very, very remorseful at the time (or did a great job pretending to be) we did MC for a while and thought we were fine. I only told my BF about it (and journaled about it), and he supposedly told his deacons about it.
I bet my life savings he has a sex addiction. Which is why I'm also convinced this admitted EA had to be physical well. That and the OW doesn't possess the selflessness to meet WH's ENs.

I'm studying up on Plans A & B and feel like I currently fall somewhere in-between since WH & I have been separated nearly 7 weeks now. I too, like other forum readers, am having a hard time with the idea of being kind and loving towards him, and meeting his ENs when I frankly can't stand the sight of him right now!
Praying, praying, praying! And His Word has been my guide.

The early church considered only two sins to be unforgivable : the sin against the Holy Spirit and public adultery. Appears your adulterous pastor-husband may be guilty of both.

Your husband should not be a minister nor even affiliated with pastoral work. He�s obviously a predator.

How are your Plan B preparations coming along?
How to Plan B properly
Plan B letter samples
Parallel Parenting
IM training school