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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
OG, since he is a smart computer guy, he can figure out how to make his life so transparent that he can't cheat, or he can get rid of all his computers. He has to change his life to accommodate his marriage, not the other way around. So ask him how he can change all this so you can see everything he does.
You do have alot of problems and if you are serious about turning this around, I would sign up for the online program and let Dr Harley work him over. Your H has alot of independent, marriage wrecking behaviors that you have tried to resolve on your own. When do-it-yourself doens't work, it is time to go to the professionals. That is what I would do in your situation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 78
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Melody- Thank you for taking all the time to answer me about this. I think one of the biggest "ahhhha moments I've had was based on what you wrote above....."independent behaviors"..... I realized just now that all of these selfish behaviors fall under that banner.
He truly lives and treats us ( me & sons) as if we are room-mates because he is more interested in his independent hobbies and lives as if we are background noise.
The porn addiction, excessive computer usage, lack of care for the house/yard, unfinished home projects, no suggestions of recreational activities all add up to use being just "background" noise in his independent life.
I'm flooded with feeling hopeless.
trying to find myself
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Can you call the coaching center?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
The porn addiction, excessive computer usage, lack of care for the house/yard, unfinished home projects, no suggestions of recreational activities all add up to use being just "background" noise in his independent life.
I'm flooded with feeling hopeless. Well, this is hopeless unless you can get him to change. And how are you going to get him to change? I would sign up for the online course and let Dr Harley work him over. That way he gets to be the bad guy. That is your BEST chance at turning this around. You have been struggling with this for way too long on your own. Time to branch out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
The porn addiction, excessive computer usage, lack of care for the house/yard, unfinished home projects, no suggestions of recreational activities all add up to use being just "background" noise in his independent life.
I'm flooded with feeling hopeless. Well, this is hopeless unless you can get him to change. And how are you going to get him to change? I would sign up for the online course and let Dr Harley work him over. That way he gets to be the bad guy. That is your BEST chance at turning this around. You have been struggling with this for way too long on your own. Time to branch out. To add to Melodylane's excellent advice to get him to sign up for the online here is a radio clip of Dr. Harley telling a wife how to get her husband from a freeloader to a buyer. Radio clip on Freeloader to Buyer
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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