karmasrose: Just out of curiosity...if the situation was that my divorce was final, and I was married to this man...would you still be saying to ditch him?

Great observation, Susie, and sadly, one that will be totally lost on this poster.

I dont suggest you ditch the guy .. i suggest you sell MB to him in such a way that he can see the benifit. plz see my previous post about the readings .. and questionairs.

Your current beau is a freeloader, by your own statement, so why would you even want to stay with him? Just because of your daughter? So, you didn't stay with your other 2 children's father, whom you made vows with, but you have decided to stay with this one? Is it simply so you don't make the same mistake again? Well, you actually haven't because you aren't married to this one.

Did you ever post on here before? If so, what was your posting name? How long ago was that?

I personally would not try to salvage this "relationship" but would instead focus on getting the divorce done(getting rid of one more mouth to feed should help that money problem), and getting healed from your failed relationships and then using the MB concepts in choosing your next mate, far off into the future.

MNG...thank you. I think you're one of the few people that actually understands what my original problem is. I appreciate that.

No, actually. If you were married, we would be more encouraging of you to stay with him because presumably, he would not always have been a cheating POS. Presumably, he would have had to been working more than he plays games and other things that good married men tend to have.

However, your relationship started this way, he has continued to cheat, and he is doing nothing at all to fix things. He is not good marriage material, as evidenced by his disregard for not only you, but more so his OWN wife.

Apples and oranges my dear.

It takes two people putting alot of effort to make a relationship work. By your own admission he is not putting any care or effort into making it work. There isn't a magic potion to make him care. Having a baby with him does not mean he is committed to anything.

Child or no child ge out of this relationship it's like you jumped from the pan into the fire. From one cheater to another.

I understand that everyone makes mistakes what irks me is when people don't learn from their mistakes and keep on repeating it.

You are getting out of a bad marriage so you know by experience what a bad relationship looks like. Are you aware that the freeloader is not making you happy? You should recognise its time to go and find a person that is fully committed to you and your needs ( after the divorce is finalised of course ).

PS its your life and your choice but are you really prepared to waste more time on someone who treats you like this?

The reason it will be lost is becasue she wants to make it work! Shes preggo by this guy .. and understandbly so wants to make it work so the new baby has a daddy. So i believe its too late for her to get rid of him .. time to sell MB to him and give their relationship a fighting chance.

edit to change marriage to relationship

The thing is Widow, there's a lot you can do to change but you can't make him do it. That's the sad fact. It takes two willing people to make it work and you have a lot of evidence suggesting he's left the game.

I know it hurts and you're grieving this and living in fear that it's all falling apart but how much are you willing to work alongside someone who just doesn't seem to care?

He swept you off your feet. He is practiced at this. Once the pregnancies came along and things got 'real' he showed you his true colors. If you're going to do MB on this deal, think about doing 2-3 weeks of plan A and then a swift and dark plan B if he isn't making a SERIOUS effort to turn things around.

Going dark in plan B will help you no matter what's ahead for this relationship because it will help you get your bearings and recover from the pain of this situation.

The reason we are posting what we are posting to you is because what you have written is/almost identical to the thousands of wayward wives who have been on this exact forum.

You are saying verbatim the same things. Do you think your situation is unique?

As has been told to the thousands of other wayward wives there is only one very narrow path that will work. The posters are giving you that narrow path. Because your baby daddy is almost a replicate of the thousands of other wayward men on this forum we can post exactly what pattern he will follow.

Sure there is a 0.000001% chance your situation will be different, but as you can the chances are slim to none.

The only way this will ever work withh your baby daddy is if he

1) Gets a divorce
2) Gives up the internet ffor life.
3) Gives up working with woman of the opposite sex for life
4) Never has friends of the opposite Sex
5) Has radical honesty and can follow the policy of joint aggreement.

If and only if those five can be completed with enthusiasm will possible work with you. Otherwise you will live this miserable life forever and likely have a nervous breakdown soon.

Because this forum has zero faith in your baby daddy, we are encouraging you to cut him out of your life forever. Heal yourself for several years, raise your children for several years, and then and only then will you be capable of being anyone's partner.

The path you follow mirrors and IS identical to a crack/cocaine addict. I suggest you think of your "adultery" in that manner ... then you may possibly heal yourself from the nuclear bomb you dropped on your BH, children, children's children, and children's children's children ... children's children's children's children ... as so forth. This is your legacy ... and it is the only one you get.

maritalbliss: Yes, actually, I do understand how breaking up with my ex affected my kids. I actually explained that. And want to avoid the same thing happening to my youngest child. And I spent 2 years concentrating on my children before "dating", but I guess you missed that part.

MNG, she is not married to him. She is still married to someone else. As is the OM.

She lost her first baby with him, and has a DD with her boyfriend that she's with now.

yeah i see that ... but i can also see where she is coming from ... its too late to get rid of the guy sie she is preggo by him .. why not give it a fighting chance ... incorporate MB get her guy on board ... get their divorces final .. and get rid of the video games! USE POJA!

MNG,

She is not pregnant anymore she already has the baby, DD.

PSWidow

Can you please elaborate as to why he is not divorced?
You have written alot about your divorce situation but there is t much info on his marriage.

Thank you, MNG. That's my feeling on it. We have a child together, so just kicking him to the curb isn't as simple as it would be otherwise. Whether we're married to eachother, or technically to other people, or whatever...even if we're terrible people, we have a child to think of, and I think that warrants actually trying to save the relationship. That's why I tried to save my first one.

No I have not posted here before. I read all the articles and tried to implement them with my ex-husband. He wasn't interested. He didn't want to get on board, he wanted out.

Oh .. well . even MORe reason to make it work. I would unplug the NET during the day and POJA when its plugged back in ... get some books ...demand he stop PShome throw out the PS if you have to. Games are a total waste of time when you cold be spending hat time cuddling with your signifigant other. or talking .. or sf .. or ANYTHING!

MNG -- I am getting worried about you. Your posts seem contradictory to Dr. Harley. This cheater is cheating on his wife with this poster. Dr. Harley is adamant adultery is an addiction, and this poster has more than all the classic signs of being a wayward addict. Dr. Harley recommends "No Contact for LIFE" with all involved. This OP needs to cut this man out of her life forever and have an intermediary for the OC exchange.

Why are you suggesting she stay with him? Can you explain how that fits into Dr. Harley's MB work?

This is an adulterous affair no matter how OP wants to spin it. There is to be NO CONTACT for life for all involved.

If and only if the man divorces his current wife could we recommend anything different. Until that happens this is nothing but an active affair getting deeply entrenched into the hell of addiction.