I used to send her articles from here and told her about all of the concepts. This during a time when things were good, but she never took the time to read a lot of it. She always claimed to hate reading. I think if she isn't interested in whatever it is that requires reading, she is too lazy to look at it.

I mentioned getting her on the phone with the Harleys a couple of months ago, but she was on the fence and then decided she didn't want to because they weren't in person. She also threw the 85% failure rate of counseling in my face. I tried to let her know how much greater the odds were with the Harleys, but she didn't believe me.

I even went as far to say I would spend our last dime on counseling with the Harleys if it saved our marriage, but it fell on def ears.

Often times, SH gets the BS to tell the WS that speaking to the coaching center will benefit the BS. That it will help them move forward. Sometimes that entices the WS to give the coaching center a shot, and once the Harleys get them on the phone, they take it from there. Just a thought.

It won't hurt to try again. I'm not afraid to ask

Do you remember when you were on the show? I'd love to listen.

Hello GJ,

I support you in your continuring in your plan A with your W. It is so easy for a betrayed spouse to give in to revenge and to be persuaded by others as well to do this. You are following Dr. Harley's advice to continue your Plan A - in other words that she is stll your wife! I think his advice and beliefs are getting to be an anoaoly in our society. In my belief marriage is a vocation, and it is forever! That I think is what Harley is advocating. Yea, you are walking a tight line - attempting to preserve your M and also attempting to protect yourself and your kids. Nothing wrong with that.

Ya know GJ when I get down I just have to look at your posts and be amazed and I am not trying to inmpress you or suck up to you or anything like that. Please keep up here with your open mindand be assured that you will have my prayers, not only for you but for your wife.

Tom

My concern is that you will be solution to any problems she has, post-divorce. I would suggest you NOT enable her by being there any time she whines about bills, etc.

MB,

Once I walk away, the only thing I will entertain is a willingness for her to earn my forgiveness and her efforts to make things right. That will be shown through action. Her bills won't be my problem. I've stated this already. I'm James Bond, remember? More like a chameleon. I've adapted to my environment, but I'm not a sucker. I know when I'm being taken advantage of. I'm a very good judge of character and behavior. That's how I was able to uncover everything that I did. I got this.

Okay, friend. Just watching out for you.

GJM,

Do you know the dates you were on the show?

BH,

I don't know the exact dates, but the clips are on the thread somewhere.

Ok thanks I was looking through your thread to find them and I couldn't, but I will keep looking.

I found it. Its the 12-16-11 show. In this clip Dr. Harley talks about why he has women only Plan A for 3 weeks as opposed to men.

Thanks GJM.
Radio clip for GJM

Thanks MB

DD13 went to her first counseling appointment today. It was more of information gathering and the pyschologist had me come in with her. She asked me more questions than she did my daughter. It was a little painful to answer the questions. Next week my DD will go in alone.

I found out that my W told DD13 that she thought it was ok to go to a church function, but I didn't want her to go. My daughter is grounded for her bad grades and the weekend prior, I discussed with my W letting my daughter go ice skating. My W agreed so I let her go. Then the following weekend my daughter wanted to go to the church function. I didn't agree because I felt it was too much and she would continue to want to do things because we let her once. My W said it wasn't fair that I let her and she should be able to also.

When we got back, I asked my W why she told my daughter that I was the one that didn't want her to go. She didn't see what the problem was. I practically had to spell it out for her and put it into perspective so that she would understand. She apologized and said she wouldn't do it again. Luckily my daughter told me she was mad at me for saying I didn't think she should go. I'm in for years of my W trying to be the good guy and me being the bad guy. It's so frustrating that she can't be mature and act like a mother. I stayed calm and didn't LB.

Good for you, GJM. I agree with you about the lack of maturity...but ultimately your daughter will know you are reliable, consistent, and supportive. It doesn't help a child to not have limits set, and instinctively, they like order rather than chaos. How did the counselor seem? Will he be incorporating her mom as well if that is needed?

JV,

I got a good vibe so far from her. She seems very insightful and you can tell she reads body language and facial expressions. I study them as well and could see her looking for certain things that people do. I asked my daughter if she liked her and she said so far. I want her to have a good feeling about who she spills her guts to so she is more open. As far as my W being in the picture, I don't think it's necessary right now. She wanted me to pick a social worker. I chose a phychologist. I guess I trusted the PHD more than the Masters Degree. My W tried to get me to use her own IC and I said no. Not only is it a conflict of interest, but it's my insurance covering it and I didn't want to drive all over town. My W doesn't need to be there, nor do I. It's for my daughter. I was only there for information purposes.

I don't like this. GJM, you need to make sure that you are in an adjoining room with a two-way mirror. If they don't have that, leave and find another counselor for your children.

My concern is that the psychologist will be of a poor caliber and will not help your DD. (My SIL is a counselor - she says there are plenty of loser counselors out there.)

I'm confused...how will I know if she's a good psychologist or not? I liked our first meeting and it's for DD13 and not me. If my daughter likes her, isn't that what matters?

If my daughter likes her, isn't that what matters?

Kids might like "Super Sugar Belly Bombs" for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's why there are parents.

You should ensure that the counselor satisfies YOUR requirements, not your daughter's preferences.