Yes, it was johnstwin. She remarried her FXH 25 years to the day after they were first married.

That's right, I remember her story now. Thanks

I've seen it happen twice in my life without the MB concepts even coming into play. What I mean to say is that it happened for the same reasons that the MB concepts are based on, and that's the truth of love banks being filled and depleted without the benefit of Dr. Harley's concepts and personal guidance to help them. This is a true indication to me that he is right on point, and it really can't be argued. Oh sure, there are certain cases where nothing will help, but by and large that's not the norm.

I'm just trying to figure out why a man that spent this much time developing these concepts and tactics in an oh so easy way to understand manner would advise a man to Plan A his way to divorce in the hopes of remarrying.

I just don't get that at all.

Because Plan A is filling her LB and letting her get the carrot of what the marriage would be like if she chose to return. The stick of it would be her losing me and not having me in her life to support all that she does. I'm the only one that comes to her rescue or helps her when she needs it. I have offered myself to be there and care for her. She's very stubborn and can be difficult, but I know how to make her laugh and smile. I know her strengths and weaknesses. When the divorce is final, I will disappear and pull myself away from her.

Remember the purpose of Plan A and Plan B. It seems some want me to Plan B so that I can teach my W a lesson of what life will be like without me, but that's not the true purpose. It's to protect me and keep my love bank from depleting. My LB is fine. Please trust me.

Hi GJM-

Yep, that's me who remarried my FXH on what would have been our 25th anniversary (we had been D almost 2 years, separated 3).

To answer TigerWes's question: I can't really say why Dr. H would advise what he did-except-as a Christian, he probably believes as I do that nothing is impossible for God.

Thank you johnstwin,

That is what I believe as well.

johnstwin--I believe that too! GJM, way to go! Dr. Harley knows what he's saying, and I think this works because he bases his beliefs on foundational biblical principles. I'm seeing his advice work for me as well. Thanks for sharing your story GJM, and you'll be in my prayers.

johnstwin: That is some MAJOR encouraging stuff there--thanks!

GJM, thank you for answering these questions honestly and fully. I know what it is like to sometimes feel like you are defending yourself against the whole board for something that you know is right for yourself.

Stay your course. Keep an eye on that LB$. Your an MB warrior for sure.

It seems some want me to Plan B so that I can teach my W a lesson of what life will be like without me, but that's not the true purpose.

This is analogous to saying that exposure to the POSOM's side is geared strictly to wedging the APs apart, NOT to ruin his godforsaken life and pitching him into the deepest bowels of the lowest pit of Hades, leaving the hyenas to pick over his shattered carcass.

That's only an incidentally positive side-effect.

Fantasy within WWs as far gone as yours, GJM, encourages flights of "He'll still be there for me," which MUST be disproved. TELLING her that the situation will change is not likely to be effective at all. On another thread I've mentioned the dichotomy that a BH needs to assume, that of being a supportive loving husband, and concurrently a stern SOB.

I think your "SOB" persona might need some tweaking.

Think about it.

I believe I have heard Dr. Harley say on the radio show that he advises husbands to Plan A as long as possible, as they are better able to without suffering illness, and that women respond better to being "chased". He advises women to only Plan A for a short time as men don't respond nearly as well to being "chased", and too long a plan A tends to make women ill.

So I think based on episodes I've heard (but can't post links like BH and others can), that Dr. H would agree with GJMs plan.

And since GJM actually spoke TO DrH on the radio show, and was given this advice, I'd agree too. It's just the LB$ that I tend to worry about. I have seen a few BH's think that their LB was at a decent level only to push too far, and find themselves on the other side before they even realised it.

Do we know when GJM was on the show? I would love to listen.

I may have misremembered. GJM definitely got an email response to his questions sometime in the middle of December. I just read through about 30 pages of this thread to find it. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...mp;Number=2563819&nt=184&page=96

GJM, in re-reading your thread, for BH, I saw how far you have come. Have you re-read your thread? WOW. You have done absolutely amazing. Keep it up(and I saw how many times you were tempted to give up, what a difference a few months, and the wise words of MM make).

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Thanks everyone for your concerns and comments. Although I don't counsel on a regular basis with the Harleys, the couple of times I was on the radio show stuck with me and I keep the advice in my head.

Scotty, you're so right about MM. He seems to pop up at the right time. I haven't gone back to re-read my thread. I don't really want to because there's some painful stuff in there and I don't want to take a step back. I'm in a good place right now (well all things considering). I will go back and read one of these days, but for now, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.

It's so nice to hear the positive remarks and I appreciate it. I've got plenty of work to do and I'm about to get into football season. I'm coaching a men's team and also getting DS ready as well. He's amazing at the sport and I hope he plays through college. DD 13 starts soccer practice today as well for a competitive team. I'm looking forward to being busy, but dreading it at the same time.

A while ago you posted this:

...and the divorce will most likely be final in May.

You've been here since 14 November (I checked). She had already moved out (hence your title) and except for the necessary churn surrounding your exposure actions, you've been in a Plan A (of remarkable fidelity) the whole time. May starts tomorrow. My concern is that there can be very little of the paragon "Plan A GJM" that WW has not seen, with no concrete change to her intention to let your marriage be dissolved. She is either in one of two states:

- She doesn't care anymore, and there ain't any hope for your marriage.
- She believes in the pleasant life-with-GJM-after-divorce fantasy.

You tell us, GJM, but it seems from out here the one state she cannot possibly be in after all this time is the "I'm not sure if GJM is right for me" condition of doubt.

From where she is (either of the first two states above) the one you want to move her to, if humanly possible, is the "Am I quite possibly damaging my future life by completing the divorce?" condition. I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but "Plan A'ing" her until the gavel comes down does not seem destined to do that.

This will be the last time I bring this up, my friend. (So for all the posters of opposing position out there, you need not tell me to "STOP".)

I will keep hoping this works out for your best interest.

NG,

I'm aware of what will happen when the gavel hits we will be divorced. The state she is right now is her own desire for herself. She is in weekly counseling trying to sort her life out. She's trying to pursue her own personal goals which don't include me. That's fine. Nothing has worked in her favor to this point and I don't see it working in the near future. Like I said, she's stubborn and trying to do things in her own way. She misses me and she loves me, but she's scared. She doesn't know which direction to move because no one besides me will give her the necessary advice she needs to keep a family together. We all know that what I say doesn't matter so she will continue to be lost until the day she wakes up.

The divorce doesn't mean it's over. It just means I'm out of the picture and from that day forward, she will be on her own. Maybe it will be then when she realizes everything she lost. She is aware tht I won't be there any longer, but my saying so doesn't make it reality until it actually happens. So for now, I do what Dr H told me to do. I'll keep you posted.

I imagine she truly believes in the second option that NG listed, hence the seemingly stubborn attitude that you refer to.

And.....D is not to be feared.

It is for your protection (custody and financially speaking).

You can continue with your plans despite legal proclamations.

Have you ever tried to get her onto the phone with one of the Harleys? Does she know about MB? You said that you had been here before, did she ever get on board with the concepts?