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Doesn't everyone like super sugar belly bombs?
I guess I just thought my daughter speaking to someone she was comfortable with was the most important thing. I'll be keeping my eye on the situation a little closer. Thanks.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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GJM, you need to make sure that you are in an adjoining room with a two-way mirror. If they don't have that, leave and find another counselor for your children. I agree. There should be no confidentiality expected with a thirteen year old. You need to know what is going on with her, and actually hearing and seeing what is said, in context, will be much better than getting a summary report after the fact. At this point, you're a much better judge of your DD's physical and verbal nuances than the psychologist would be and you should be there to listen in. Can you just imagine the conversation on the ride home if you aren't privy to what was said? You: So, how was the counseling?
DD: Fine.
You: So what did y'all talk about?
DD: Not much.
You: So did you like the psychologist?
DD: Yeah, she's fine. I would agree that you shouldn't be sitting right there so as to not inadvertently influence what she says, but your watching from another room makes perfect sense.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 05/03/12 09:18 AM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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This article doesn't say anything about the parent observing, hearing or being in the room. It says that the parent should have a general knowledge of what was talked about.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Yes. That is right. Children DO need to feel things are in confidence with the therapist so that they will be able to open up to them.
The parents have general check ins with the therapist but no exact info can be revealed unless there is a dangerous situation and the therapist tells the child why it must be shared.
It is just the way it is.
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I understand that, but if I'm able to view the room, chances are I'm able to hear what is being said, which breaks the confidentiality agreement. I don't know of any way to view or hear anything. The pyschologist will talk with me after the session so I don't feel like foul play will be involved. If my W made the appointment or set this up, I'd be a little worried, but I chose this person and our initial session seemed pretty good. I will be there, but in the waiting room. I'm looking for information regarding parents being present during these sessions, but I don't think my DD would feel as relaxed with me in the room.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I think that letting the 13 year old have a venue to talk to a therapist without hearing what is said is OKAY.
Occasionally, you may be asked to have a session with them, but most likely not.
My own dd went and got a lot out of it. She would come out of sessions with red eyes from tears but went for a while and then told me when she was ready to end the sessions (probably after 10-15 of them).
I don't know what was discussed there, other than occasional sharing that my dd chose to do with me.
Again, you can listen to what your dd shares with you. You can ask the therapist "How are things going?" and you will not get details but a general feel of how dd is handling the sessions.
Therapy isn't magic. It can be a place for dd to vent and get input on how to handle her state of emotions.
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I think that letting the 13 year old have a venue to talk to a therapist without hearing what is said is OKAY.
Occasionally, you may be asked to have a session with them, but most likely not.
My own dd went and got a lot out of it. She would come out of sessions with red eyes from tears but went for a while and then told me when she was ready to end the sessions (probably after 10-15 of them).
I don't know what was discussed there, other than occasional sharing that my dd chose to do with me.
Again, you can listen to what your dd shares with you. You can ask the therapist "How are things going?" and you will not get details but a general feel of how dd is handling the sessions.
Therapy isn't magic. It can be a place for dd to vent and get input on how to handle her state of emotions. That's why I put her in there. This way she can talk to someone without being judged. I will definitely be talking with the pychologist and asking how it's going. She told me that I seemed very mellow and soft spoken. I don't know if that's a bad thing, but I just explained to her that I like to think about what I'm going to say before I say it. I think she was just suprised because I'm a Marine, been through combat and was a Drill Instructor before. All I could think was get out of my head 
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I know this is for marriage counseling but I think you could use some of the questions and Dr. Harley's suggestions to find a good counselor. Especially the "interviewing" of multiple counselors by phone. How To Find a Good Marriage Counselor Also, do you know anyone who can give you a referral? Church or school perhaps?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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BH,
I've read that article several times and used it in my search. I've looked at their online reviews, the health web site that talks about malpractice and how long they've been licensed. I called around before I chose this particular psychologist. My insurance has a list of providers that accept their payment and the list is pretty big so there are many options. Tuesday is the first real appointment so I'll see how it goes.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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BH,
I've read that article several times and used it in my search. I've looked at their online reviews, the health web site that talks about malpractice and how long they've been licensed. I called around before I chose this particular psychologist. My insurance has a list of providers that accept their payment and the list is pretty big so there are many options. Tuesday is the first real appointment so I'll see how it goes. Well as a great marine you have it handled.  Good job, my friend.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Thanks I was studying more on Plan B (hence I started the thread what to do with special/important events while in Plan B) and it hit me why you are able to follow Dr. H's advice for you to do a longer Plan A and you're able to do that. It's because you're a marine by gosh. Marines are one tough cookies.  If I haven't told you already. Thank you for everything you do for us and for your service.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks again BH
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I went and removed my name from my wife's apartment lease the other day and she just called me to ask me why. I said the six months is up and I fulfilled my obligation. I don't need to be on it anymore. She asked me why I didn't tell her, but I didn't feel I needed to because the lease is up and nothing changed except the fact that she's the only one on there. Needless to say, my wife is upset. That's just phase one of what's to come.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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So just what was she upset over? I mean, this is what she wants, right? Independent life, no you, do what she wants when she wants, etc., etc.
I'm not going to even ask what phase two is, but you certainly seem to have something cooked up.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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GJM, i've only just started your thread, but have seen your posts to others. as the child of a career marine (vietnam) and an american citizen (though i live abroad), i thank you so much for your service. i am sorry you have to be here, but as you've discovered, it's the best place to be in this situation.
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Today I offered to bring my wife some lunch to work and she declined as I thought she might. The exposure of the affair is what keeps her away. She's embarrassed because her co-workers were questioned during the investigation. The exposure stopped the affair, but now I know part of the reason she won't come back. It must be tough to have to face the people you know after doing something so morally wrong. I guess it's a double edged sword. I don't know what I can say or do besides continue to keep the welcome mat out. We go to court in two days. Last night as my wife was leaving, we hugged for a while. I said I still love you, you know. She said I love you too and left with tears in her eyes. I feel like if I Had the right words or action, she would come back, but I don't know what that is. It's a mystery.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Does she know you are willing to forgive her? Your story breaks my heart. Maybe because you never went into plan B, she doesn't have a clear road back? I don't know, what do the vets think about a non-plan-B love letter detailing extraordinary precautions that it would take to save this marriage?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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No....exposure isn't what is keeping her from coming back.
You two could always move out of the area .....
she is still gone because she is fogged.
You are not to blame for that. You are doing all you can do.
Exposure was a gift to her. An oppurtunity for her truth to be out in the open. That is a good thing. For her.
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