Hope this radio clip may help.
Radio clip of Dr. H explaining to tell children as young as 4

To clairfy exposure was to WH & OW workplace (co-workers) and their family & friends.

Have already told eldest children and DS6 (in age appropriate way as per Dr Harleys advice in radio segment).

My concern is exposing DS6 to WHs anger. WH & OW have been badmouthing me to DS6. OW has been actively manipulating and telling lies to DD16 & DS6. His last visit coincided with me preventing our financial security being used to finance their affair ... major anger from WH. DS6 came home sad that "they sad mean thngs about you" OW even told my son he couldnt see his grandmother (my mother) because she was making silly decisions.

I had planned exposure letters etc so that DS6 visit didn't coincide with exposure, a change in IM delayed this. I have been actively seeking ways to prevent visit this weekend so son wouldn't be drawn into the conflict or be staying in an unhealthy environment. Our laws here in NZ do not even prevent contact with OW.... have tried everything, short of moving to US where I could do something, even then I need his consent. This is why I posted about waiting 4 days to do nuclear exposure

Scotty, Honestly it is not an excuse. All letters are drafted ready to "push send". My concern is DS6 being exposed to WH anger. As I have protected our financial security and not complied with WH demands, he has drawn our children into the drama. I am concerned about the negative impact and the damage negative comments about me has on the children. He also knows my love for the children and this is being used against me. OW is also manipulating him and our children.

I had planned exposure very carefully so that everything was timed to be totally nuclear and so it wouldn't coincide with DS6 visit. Unfortunately this was delayed due to change in IM.

My question was .. would 4 days really make a difference in going nuclear. I also wanted feedback as to whether if I waited to expose when DS6 was home safe, would their long weekend in Sydney lessen the impact (temporary escape) or would it have a "nice" impact on their trip. Note trip would be 4 days after exposure.

I am of the 4 days won't make a difference club, but I am confused about something. Didn't you already give him your Plan B letter? I thought you were in Plan B?

I am completely confused.

Right! I couldn't agree more. You should do things that make you happy and you should make yourself a good spouse for the future, possibly for another.

But you should NOT tailor that self improvement to the ENs of the wayward. You won't get through withdrawal that way and without a cold turkey withdrawal from the WS the pain continues. The love, the marriage, they don't exist in Plan B. They are frozen. Perhaps forever, perhaps till Spring.

I sincerely want to expose. I understand this is the only way to kill an affair. I also realise it may take time.

Before MB, from my research, I thought all I could do was to present myself as the best most loving version of myself and wait for the affair to take its natural course. No where did anyone indicate the benefits of exposure. Sadly I thought by keeping quiet I was protecting my husband and family. I now know through MB I enabled the affair. If I had learned this earlier there is no way I would have enabled it!

I am ready to expose I want to:

1. Kill the affair
2. WH to be held accountable, and eventually accept responsibility for his actions (I know this won't happen immediately).
3. Acknowledge our children's pain and start helping them and make amends to them (I know this will also take time)
4. Get the truth out there. I don't want everyone accepting his version as reality.
5. Hopefully save our marriage and know I did everything possible.

Also if the truth is out there to OW family and friends she can no longer use my children to normalise her relationship, people will know or at least question. Hopefully she will stop using my children for her own agenda.... I don't know if this is possible when dealing with a narcissist.

I think ML is confused because it seems you are exposing in Plan B and people in Plan B don't expose, you do it in Plan A.

I am confused because she is talking about who the IM is but I thought she was in plan b? Is she in plan b yet? I think it's a great idea to expose after plan b.

I though Letty was her IM?

Oh yes, happy to do a translation in full. One of my favourite hobbies.

The confusion on the IM is that her first IM fell through so she postponed Plan B and now Letty is her IM.

Yes I'm in Plan B mailed it to him and received on Tues(NZ time) My exposure was meant to be during Plan B

Sounds good. At the moment I am dealing with the fallout of his decision to default on our mortgage. No contact with WH just lawyers and bank. Angry at him for placing us in this position and the additional expenses we are incurring because of his irrational thinking.

Thanks for the link BH, I did tell DS6 and used Dr Harley's radio clip and his articles to help make sure it was age appropriate. My wonderful son later stated "dad has made a bad choice, he should come home, we love him, he has broken his promise" Shame a 6yr old has better logic than a WH

Lots of people on MB, it would be hard to keep track of everyone's progress etc.

I'm in Plan B, the advice was to expose in my Plan B. WH has letter, now time to expose.

Hi ML. My post has caused confusion. I am in Plan B, my letter to WH was delayed b/c of change of IM. Now have Letty as my IM I though I had planned the timings very well to do my nuclear exposure straight after WH received his letter. The hiccup was changing new IM and getting details and missing the mail collection before the weekend. This meant exposure would be the day before my DS6 weekend visit with his father. My son's exposure to his anger and negative behaviour was the reason for wanting feedback about delaying exposure by 4 days. If all went to my original plan DS6 vist wouldn't coincide with exposure and fallout.



I hope this makes sense ...lack of sleep and current problems with bank re WH defaulting.

Letty is my IM she stepped in after my original IM fell through, hence the reference to the delay in my well laid plan to time exposure prior to son's visit with WH.

HF I'm confused as to why you are doing exposure and plan b at the same time....

You need to be in contact, fighting for the marriage in order to expose. You need to tell him you 'did it to save our marriage' and urge people to respond to exposure and to help you save it. It is an affectionate thing.

To plan b properly you don't mention his name to others, you don't fight for the marriage, you don't acknowledge him at all....

If you haven't sent letter yet, keep it back until after exposure.

Indie thankyou sooo much for your translation. It brought a smile to my face and even a laugh. Really shows what foggy babble it is, helps put things into perspective. Made me realise something .... I keep wondering if they are sooooo happy why the need to continually attack me... didn't think of my response as feeding his ego etc. That will make it easier to ignore what he says.