Thank you all so, so much for your pearls of wisdom. My mind & emotions haven't been at their best lately and it helps me to stay focused when I hear and read stories from some of you who have "been there". Happy, Scotty & Indie I've done some reading on your threads...WoW! I respect your strength so much. So grateful you read & respond to this thread with your words of wisdom!

reading & Princess M you'll be happy to hear I've been enjoying the days with DD. She'll be 18 months old this weekend and since I rarely get solo-time these days with either child it's been nice to do things with her. Playing, jibber-jabbering, chasing - she's kept me busy and smiling.

A little bit of progress that stunned me today. My mom had hysterectomy surgery so I woke up with that on my mind, getting things ready for the hospital and driving up there. While my sister & I were in the waiting area I started thinking about Pastor & I and realized that was the *first* time I'd thought of our situation today. I'd been up since 5:15 AM, it was now 7:15 and I'd been so consumed with my mom's surgery I didn't even think about the A. It was awesome. Ok, so two hours may not be all that big of a deal, but to me, it was a big deal!

I was excited the first time I went 10 minutes without thinking of it.

Put a rubber band on your wrist, and snap it every time you think of him.

At this stage in your plan allow grieving/feeling sad/remorse/pain..stuff that relates to you and letting go.

But snap it for any romantic daydreams and memories etc.

You'll prob be surprised how few times you really do think of him and that much of it is just you letting go.

Yes it was. WOOOHOOOO.

I agree with the others, your son is probably into what is going on in the here and now in his world, it doesn't mean he doesn't miss you, he'll be back soon!

Don't worry about what your WH thinks about anything, let alone you, just focus on doing what's best for YOU right now! Hang in there, it gets better.

Thanks for your kind words. I read your post when I was feeling a little emotional, it gave me a much needed boost. My WH has taken OW on shopping trip to Oz for her birthday and rang DS6 from his parents house. This really hit home OW playing happy family with our family.

You are doing well. I think any progress is good progress, take one day at a time. I believe our children are a blessing, they give us the strength to continue on our journey and really provide so much joy.

I loved this WHiP. Jibber-jabbering. Bwahahaha. It ain't european speak thats for sure. But is it Plan B. Antipodiean style.

Don't underestimate this "big deal!". They are a big deal, even when under sad or difficult circumstances. They are showing that YOU can survive and deal with anthing without WH.

ANY moment thought about YOU or YOUR life, rather than that of WH's life, is time well spent.

In my Plan A, just before Plan B, I had a family emergency that I so desperately wanted WH there for. He wasn't there. A wayward is incapable of "being there" when it is all about them. My WH couldn't face the shame of the family due to his affair. He can not and will not be there.

I no longer tell him of family emergencies or deaths. Some part of me still wants to. But recognises that WH will not and can not meet my needs. So there is just no point.

Well done on recognising this so early in to Plan B!!!

When my XH and I split up I was having to have my dog put to sleep...he wasn't there for me when I went through that. You're right, they are incapable of being there for us, it's all about them (they think). It's good to remember that and not expect anything from them. A wayward is about as selfish as it can get!

Sad but true, we have to face many challenges by ourselves. I'm having surgery on Monday for the removal of a potential melanoma, WH will be in Oz still with OW (her birthday shopping trip.

Loved this idea. I started doing it after I read it on another thread (yours maybe?). You're right - fewer "romantic" daydreams than I thought. A lot more of letting go - sadness, anger, remorse, etc.

This is so hard to do right now! I also snap the rubberband on my wrist when I notice I'm starting to care what WH thinks, feels, etc. If I worry ... "What will other people (read:church people) think about this?" "Will this make WH mad?" "Will doing this hurt WH's feelings?"
***SNAP*** goes the rubberband!

Happy Mother's Day! How's it going?

Awesome work.

I like the rubber band idea!

Happy future,
I hope it went okay (melanoma)...let us know how you're doing.

Its not easy when you love and care about someone, refocusing thoughts and priorities. I can relate to this, the last 5 days were tough (WH & OW in Oz visiting family). Its important to focus on our healing and in turn our children. Its hard but remember you have done everything to fight for your marriage and family, you can hold your head high. It doesn't matter what others think, you know the truth.

Thanks Kaycstamper. All went well, little uncomfortable today, taking time out watching movies. Its been sent to lab for testing, I'm sure it will be fine.

ADD to comment above - well done!. Sorry I didn't read last sentance about snapping the rubber band... sleep deficit

Happy66-prayed for you yesterday! Glad to hear you're doing alright. Hope to hear soon that those test results are ok.

Probably a longer post since I've not been here in a couple days.
Pastor & DS5 made it back safely, and he dropped DS off here at my parents around 8 PM Friday night - with a fever, headache and stomache. While I took DS's temp (because he was burning up!) my parents took DD out to see her Daddy she hadn't seen in 7 days. And tried to get info on how long DS had not been feeling well, if he'd had any meds, what kind and how much had he taken, etc. Pastor wasn't too cooperative and didn't really answer any of their questions.
I wanted to break Plan B and talk to Pastor to find out what was going on with DS's health, but I didn't.
THAT was hard.
That was very, very hard.
But I'm gald I kept no contact. That allowed me the strength I would need to take care of DS that night and all day Saturday as he STILL didn't feel well and ran fever most of the day. My best guess is that he was just exhausted from the beach, swimming, being in the sun, etc. He's all well now!

Pastor has been communicating through the IM pretty well. (thanks Princessmeggy!) IM contacted me Saturday and a couple more times over the weekend to find out how DS was feeling. I have no problem keeping him informed when one of the kiddos is not feeling well. He needs to know that. But it urked me (and still does) that he didn't inform me about DS being sick at all! And even after he dropped him off and I discovered he had a 101 fever, still didn't say anything about it. Oh well! Script of the Wayward I suppose.

Plan B is still going strong. REALLY starting to feel the peace in it. And the empowerment of not being in direct contact with Pastor. Princessmeggy has helped me discover a hole in my PB though that I'm not sure I can plug -- young kids.
DS came home from his Florida trip asking me why I wouldn't go outside the house when Daddy was here anymore. He told me Daddy misses me and DD and wants to see both of us. "He doesn't like arguing and is trying to be nice, but why won't you talk to him and be nice too?" Oh deary me. He's 5 so he doesn't understand. And I'm sure he's being fed all kinds of crazy fogbabble that Pastor wants him to repeat to me since I'm no longer talking to him directly, and if he says things to family or friends, they've been told (by me) not to tell me. I just told DS that I wasn't arguing, because I haven't even talked to Daddy in a long time. I do NOT want to use DS5 as a go-between and I won't. He's not our messenger boy and I'm pretty frustrated that Pastor's put our innocent son in that position to try to pull on my emotions. Good grief! Has he no decency???

On a sunnier note, Mother's Day was nice. Enjoyed the entire day with my parents, my babies and my 3 siblings. Just what I needed! Pastor had left gifts with DS's things when he dropped him off Friday night. I hadn't opened them. I REALLY don't want a souvenir from their vacation which still gets my blood boiling anytime I think about it. There were three wrapped gifts and DS said he knew what one of them was, and it included a card he told me he picked out so I opened that one. And it was nice - professional portraits of the kiddos together. The other two I gave to my parents (at Princessmeggy's urging - THANK YOU!) and told them to open them when I wasn't around. If they were legit and wouldn't cause an emotional tornado to take off inside me they could give them to me. Otherwise I asked them to keep the gifts hidden until a later date or just throw them away. I guess it was a good idea to do that since I haven't received the gits yet.

Well done that was an awesome effort that took alot of strength. I can understand how difficult it was to let your parents handle the questions about DS health. You did an amazing job.

Its beyond sad when they use our children to get to us. Unfortunately waywards know what pushes our emotional buttons. My children are my weakness too. My son is 6 so I can relate to your post. I wish waywards could see the damage their actions cause our children.

Thanking you for keeping me in your prayers I really appreciate it.