Good job Hoping. Did you ever hear back from Dr. Harley from your email?

Haven't had a response yet from Dr. Harley in regards to his reaction to WH's email. Perhaps he is seeing what WH's response will be.

Tomorrow is the big day. I'm very nervous but can't wait for the drama to be over. Going to the bank and opening a new account made everything very real and really upped the anxiety factor.

It felt good to talk to the attorney because I felt empowered and everything was about me and what I want for my future. I'm looking forward to the "me" part of plan B but gotta get through the withdrawal and anxiety first.

My dog got sprayed by a skunk today! The silly chap just never learns and now will stink for the next 4 weeks.

I cant help with plan B but can with the skunk. Buy a box of baking soda and a pint of peroxide. Mix in a bucket with a few drops of dish soap (it will foam like crazy) sponge over dog for a few minutes then wash off. Might have to double quantity if a big dog. DONT GET IN EYE, MOUTH OR NOSE.

You might have to do it twice bit I only had to do it once with my dog. The key is dont "scub" you will just spread the skunk oil with scubbing.

If you want a little skunk story that happened to me that might make you LOL, just let me know.

I'd love to here your skunk story Tiger, could use the laughter.

I'm having a moment where I'm remembering some of the admirable qualities in WH and feeling sad. He is a physical therapist at a nursing home and was talking about one of his elderly patients with such tenderness, I thought I might cry. He sings to her and she opens her eyes and smiles. He is a good guy with a good heart. Too bad he's not the greatest husband. I'm really going to miss a lot about him.

I know it's tough Hoping. You fell in love with him for a reason.

If he was a jerk before you M then we'd have to wonder about you. We know you're a very smart woman so that's not an issue. Right?

Plus your LB still has a balance and so of course you have fond thoughts.

Plan B will protect you and help you heal.

Hang in there, my friend.

I'm pretty scared to go into Plan B today. Having doubts, as expected. Maybe I should give him more time? Maybe this will drive him away?

Besides those lapses I still feel I am doing the right thing, I guess I'm mourning the part of him that is a wonderful man and the beautiful moments we've had together.

Thanks for your support. It's amazing how when you say things like this to yourself, even when you feel the opposite, they actually come true.
Indie gave me the following as well:
The truth will set you free.
I am not blackbeard's wife.
Feelings follow actions.

I did it!

I sent the Plan B Letter, changed my phone number and email address, deleted my old email and warned friends and relatives to not pass on messages.

I spoke to him on the phone just prior to doing all this. It was a very emotional exchange and my resolve wavered but I knew I was doing the right thing. It still hasn't hit me yet but I'm sure it will soon.

We both cried and I wished him the best in his future if he ends up deciding not to take the polygraph and we have to split. He begged me to not "give up our wonderful marriage and our beautiful life together" for a "stupid poly." I begged him not to give up these things to avoid taking the poly. I didn't tell him about Plan B but he definitely got my sense of "Goodbye" because that's what I was trying to say.

I have to say I am very sad and can't believe that that may have been the very last time I speak to him. I still am in love with him and it hurts a lot. At least I got to say goodbye.

I also transferred my money to another account, cancelled our bank accounts, and changed our insurance payments to his account.

Last thing is just changing his phone to a separate account and I have asked in the addendum to Plan B that he do this himself or I will simply cancel the phone.

You are doing marvelous, I am proud of your resolve. This may or may not be over, it all depends on how Plan B affects him and what he does with it. Try not to worry about the outcome, remember, stick to the plan and trust that it works. Good job!

Thank you. I may need some extra support come nightfall. I'm going to a Hibachi bar with 2 friends so hopefully that'll keep my mind off of it.

Hoping.

Hang tough and we're here for you.

Hoping, you brave warrior queen!

The fact that this is so hard for you, yet you just plough on anyway,is so brave and makes me remember the early part vividly.I was where you are now. You should be able to see my heavy footprints still in the mud at this part of your journey. The footsteps dance more now.


You have such a high love bank. He has always ensured you're topped up with a hit of dope.
It will hit you quite hard, love. Let it. I am honestly grateful for that pain now, the rewards after it are great and it is very temporary. You become someone who would be great at recovery. I know I would be much better now, if it were to happen.



Try not to think so far in the future. Its very pointless, there's no telling what will happen.

Let's just concentrate on getting you strong, first shall we? Let's get you through the first stages of grieving and the withdrawal. Gosh those pangs are awful but when they go, you'll feel as proud as if you'd climbed Everest.

After that its at least six months before any BS can think clearly and make permanent decisions.

I think you will start to taste joy and peace much earlier than you think you will.

I'm predicting a sudden nose dive into grief for you (which really is best), but if you can just hold on, you'll get an upswing quite early which will surprise and please you. There are ups and downs - you'll see.

Just hang on and keep doing what you're doing. Being strong, anticipating problems and just rocking it.

Having thoughts of WH and can't stop. This time is supposed to be for me!

My mind keeps asking what is he doing? What was his reaction to my PBL? Did he cry? Is he sad? What does he think when he tries to call me and can't? Tries to email me and can't? When he just wants to hear the sound of my voice and speak with me? This is killing me. I'm just thinking how sad he must feel finding that I've shut myself off from him.

How long will it take before I forget about him? This must be the first stage of withdrawal, it is not fun.

Going to try to focus on me tomorrow. I'm thinking massage, running, biking, anything to keep my mind off of WH.

this IS the first stage. it will stick around awhile.

but hoping, look at you! you've done it! you are now in PB, and it is going to help you a lot.

since you've gotten the work out of the way, you can now fill your time doing things you've always enjoyed. you DO need to keep yourself busy. i found listening to the radio show each day helped me a lot (you know, to get out of bed and stuff).

your day tomorrow sounds great. take care of you.

I count seven question marks trying to figure out how is doing/reacting. That is indeed the first the stage.

At first the lack of information makes your brain swivel wildly over the blanks in your knowledge. You try to guess.

There's no way to guess. You have no idea what he doing, whether he has chosen anger/sadness/reflection/whatever.

Eventually your brain catches up with the circumstances. It's impossible to wonder about the unanswerable forever, and you give up. The instinct to 'search' for an answer, vanishes.

Then the logic reasserts itself. He hasnt agreed to recovery. He hasn't made the easy step of contacting your IM and agreeing to recovery. Is he sad? Not sad enough to agree to recovery. Is he angry? Doesnt matter if he doesnt agree to recovery, Nonchalant? Doesnt matter if he doesnt agree to recovery.... etc.

You do get there. Stay with it.

Plan B Day 1
Feeling pretty bad today. Haven't cried yet but want to. Thoughts of WH still going strong. Missing him a lot. Lonely, sad, doubting, lost.

In our very last conversation he said that he doesn't care about the sale boat or starting a business, just wants to be with me again, wants to be happy again. He would agree to POJA if it would mean we could be together. Now I'm thinking maybe I should have jumped on that and worked things out with him. But he didn't agree to the polygraph so I stood my ground. It broke my heart to do this because for him to agree to POJA means a lot to me. For him to say he doesn't care about a sale boat or his business means a lot to me.

I doubt myself. I think, what if his online affair and kissing my friend is ALL he's done? I'm risking my marriage over that? Maybe asking for a polygraph is too much? Why won't he do it? I will never know if that's all he's done. He also had a problem with POJA and I don't know if he'd actually follow through on agreeing to it like he said yesterday.