As you all know my exposure is set for Sun when DD6 is home safe with me. My letters are ready to go.

I'm hoping the exposure will make people rethink/plant the seed of doubt about WH's version of how their relationship began. My concern is that because they have been living together the reaction will be, "yes you grew apart, they are happy, move on" (this is Aussie & Kiwi mentality)

Should I add to WH family & friends letter something to the effect -

WH has re written our history, denigrated me and is acting out of character. I am concerned when he confronts the reality of his decisions he will have a hard time facing the pain he has caused our family. I hope you will be able to support him at this time and help support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

Or should I just go with the standard template.

Feedback appreciated.

Its crazy isn't it, by replying or normal everyday comunication (kids, finances etc) can keep their fantasy alive ... I certainly don't want to help them in any way.

Thanks again, your insight really helps me find the strength to ignore contact. Its easier to focus on the benefits rather than the emotions of loss.
I like the vision of them rolling in pig manure

crapola, i just typed a bunch and then it got deleted!

something to the effect of:

don't forget, the kids can't pass messages to you. should they come home and say, "dad says he'll pick us up next friday at 5" you will have to remind them they aren't not his message service, then plan for you and the kids not to be home friday at 5! until he gets on board with IM, or unless you already have a written agreement re the kids he is following, too bad!

also, stop thinking about poor him and how he'd handle the mess he's made. after all, you wouldn't want a man who doesn't have the cojones to say, "i've been a total moron. i am going to do everything: confess to family and friends, make amends (JC), and move mountains to show my wife i'm worthy of a second chance (more JC). please, please tell me you won't go running the moment he sticks his shamefaced head in the door. slam it shut.

you haven't yet provided me with your conditions. this is something you can be thinking about.

right now, he thinks he holds all the balls. he hasn't yet realised he's standing over a crevasse, in thin air like Wile E Coyote, and that YOU'RE in charge now. a few bumps down the road not being able to contact you regarding ANYTHING will put paid to that fantasy, and he will start to tumble (living a life that doesn't include his wife and family - not so much fun after all). you are the Roadrunner, gf! now get your ACME pack ready :O)

To tag onto what Letty was saying.

Read this to help with your conditions it's by HerPapaBear (and he was the wayward).
Extraordinary Precautions

This from Dr. Harley himself Requirements for Recovery from An Affair

Also with the kids you're going to do parallel parenting, correct? Parallel Parenting

BH - Thanks for the links will read and finalise EPS

Tried to organise collection and drop off times prior to going dark, he will have to do this via IM. Great suggestion to get him on board, that would really tick him off.

Will finalise EP and get back to you .... so much else has been going on re mortgage etc and I wasn't expecting to need them just yet.

Re amendment to letter to WH family & friends - I was trying to find a way to get message across about wayward behaviour so people would question his version. I thought people may be more supportive of our marriage if they had this snippet, rather than thinking his happy move on. I also was trying to show I was sincere in my efforts to save marriage not a scorned wife if that makes sense. Just trying to tip the scale of that Aussie/Kiwi mentality.

So from your post do you think I should stick with template and not add extra paragraph as per earlier post?

I agree with BH. I know I spent a lot of time in early Plan B wondering why my WH had not tried to contact me, wondering if I had made him so unhappy that he rightly never wanted to have contact with me again. Time in Plan B has given me a different perspective. At the time I entered Plan B, WH was at the height of his addiction. I, with my pesky reminders that he was a married man with the responsibilities that entails, was distracting him from his fix of the OW.

Wayward's responses to Plan B vary. Some are happy that they can concentrate soley on the fix, others are furious that their cake eating days with two women meeting their EN's is over.

I entered Plan B with little realisation of the long haul. I think the WS doesn't think of this either. I have learned from reading here that even the waywards that start Plan B with no desire for contact with the BS usually end up trying to beak it as time goes by. I think many WS's imagine the BS will break, will seek contact, can't possibly not want them as part of their lives. As time goes on, the WS starts to realise... the BS won't break. OMG, maybe the BS is better off without the WS in their life!!! I also believe the unresolved guilt that festers away somewhere inside drives the WS to alleviate it without doing the hard work of meeting the BS's conditions. If the WS can get contact with the BS, they will feel the BS is starting to accept the A. Even if they get the BS to lovebust, this will alleviate some of that festering guilt by validating whatever foggy reason they have for the A in the first place (or giving them a new one!)

Know that the longer you are in Plan B, the clearer these things will become. And the less you will care about the reasons why a wayward acts as he does, as all you need to know is that he is still wayward.

What's the paragraph you were going to add?

Re printed BH

As you all know my exposure is set for Sun when DD6 is home safe with me. My letters are ready to go.

I'm hoping the exposure will make people rethink/plant the seed of doubt about WH's version of how their relationship began. My concern is that because they have been living together the reaction will be, "yes you grew apart, they are happy, move on" (this is Aussie & Kiwi mentality)

Should I add to WH family & friends letter something to the effect -

WH has re written our history, denigrated me and is acting out of character. I am concerned when he confronts the reality of his decisions he will have a hard time facing the pain he has caused our family. I hope you will be able to support him at this time and help support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

Or should I just go with the standard template.

Feedback appreciated.

I guess you posted the original exposure letter, I'll have to go back and look at it.

I made some suggested amendments. I am not a vet though. Some of this is good IMO. I think you need to be careful about trying to educate people about waywards. Be very clear that you are asking people to use their influence on WH.

As you are in Plan B for exposure, I also think it might be helpful to briefly explain the purpose of this and that you welcome WH's contact WHEN he meets your conditions for marital recovery and ends the affair.

Caracal - didn't post this letter on my thread, used template for letter to WH family & friends.

Maybe if we could educate more people there might be less affairs. Frustration aside, looking at your amendments I can see my wayward reference may defeat my original purpose ... not coming across as a scorned wife. I was hoping by adding the extra paragraph, if people weren't prepared to stand up and say what they thought about the affair, or viewed it as his moved on so should you, his out of character behaviour may make them question the relationship.

You're correct you don't want to come across as the scorned wife but the wronged wife is different.

Nothing wrong in saying "I know WH has said that we were having problems in our M and that's why he moved out. This is untrue. . To my shock, I have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with a woman who resides on XXX estate. The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference. Joe has tried to claim that his affair began after I left. We are in fact still married."

BH - thanks for feedback, thats exactly the point I was trying to make. I wanted the truth out there so hopefully people will make a stand rather than accept his babble and take the view "there were problems, his mooved on and sooo happy, they are living together now" etc

don't forget, you can educate them after they contact you as a result of the exposure letter. keep it short and to the point. you will be surprised, i think, at the number of people (especially marrieds) who will not think his behaviour is acceptable. and the ones who think it's ok ("but he's so happy now") will at least have the seed planted. and some you just can't do anything about :O(

I've always hated injustice and apart from hoping family and friends will hold him accountable, I want the truth out there. I want everyone to know our separation is due to an affair not a re write of history.

8 days into Plan B keeping busy helps. DD16 cooked dinner last night and we watched a comedy together Had a really good night, it was great to laugh and have fun.

Many mixed emotions, trying to stay focused on the benefits of Plan B this helps. Like all BS who are dark, I miss my husband and the contact with him. I miss my family. Weekends seem hardest.

Beautifull sunny day, hopefully more of the same tomorrow as DD6 and I are going to the beach.

That's Plan B success. Give yourself a pat on the back.

We all want the waywards to suffer the consequences of their actions and everyone to know the truth. Sometimes we see the karma bus hit them sometimes we don't. It will make you go crazy trying to figure it out. You know the truth, your kids know the truth and God knows the truth..

The best revenge is living your life well. Stay living well my friend.

sunny here too today. tomorrow looks not so good. will be marking for HOURS!

keep busy - will you kayak at the beach? i like kayaking; pity H won't.

how are you sleeping? ready for exposure tomorrow?

Thanks BH. It hasn't been easy, but I'm hoping if I've managed to stay on the straight and narrow so far (with exception of reading email responding to Plan B letter) I'll survive the journey ahead.

Your support and encouragement really means alot. I don't know if I feel successful, bittersweet I suppose, lots of tears and emotional moments but managing to stay dark each day. Trying to stay positive, focusing on the benefits of Plan B gives me the strength. Its amazing the strength we find when needed.

I'm hoping with every fibre we will recover and have an even better marriage, but I'm determined whatever the future holds I will survive and lead a happy life.

Letty at least if the weather is bad it makes it easier to face a pile of marking.

Unfortunately no kayak, grew up with canoe, but we don't have either. Really lucky we live 10mins away from lots of beaches some sandy, some rocky. Quite a few parks & playgrounds nearby. Hopefully it will be a nice day even if we just go to the rock pools or throw stones into the water. Waterproof or puffer jackets and beanies may be the way to go! I must be getting old I hate wearing winter jackets in Autumn, I like to hold out as long as possible