Sad but true. When he finally comes out of the fog and finds himself again he is really going to struggle with his appalling behaviour and guilt.

Scotty, yes I deserve 2 sets of 2 x 4. It actually sat unopened in the in box for 5 minutes before I was ready to forward it. Then curiousity got the better of me, I really wanted to know how successful exposure was. I have now plugged the hole. I didn't even go onto his FB account to do exposure I searched each friend from my account.

I need to invest in some new polish, so they are natural today. Sparkly sounds good. treat. I'm thinking a bubble bath with candles tonight.

Reply from OW on FB

If you want to talk to me BS, talk to me - my friends are not the appropriate avenue to discuss your failed marriage and they think you are a little mad for breaching my privacy in an inappropriate and childish manner


I note she has blocked me from messaging her.

happy, i am so happy to hear you've FINALLY blocked the email. good girl (if a little late! 2x4). no one marries and stays married to someone they don't love - fogginess at its worst. and you've definitely scored a direct hit. now block that skankyhola from being able to message/post to you!! (2x4!) you've gotta plug up them holes!

make sure you send the info re son and trip to ME to send on to wh. he MUST learn that all contact is via IM, whether he likes it or not - tough patootie. and yes, he doesn't know you've actually received either of them. what an entitled POSWH and POSOW. but you really don't need to hear it, period.

Actually WH & OW response has confirmed everything from the affair, addiction, foggy behaviour to the direct hit of exposure ....I'm sooo glad I did it, hopefully when they are on their 4 day shopping holiday they are still thinking of the ripple effect of exposure.

OW message had a notation that I was blocked .... what a shame I so wanted to discuss my "failed marriage" with her .... not. I deliberately ignore her, I'm not feeding her narcissistic supply. I think she missed the point of the letters, I didn't need to expose to her

The irony is amazing I breached her privacy by being honest about the affair. Yet my privacy counts for nothing - she has knowledge of our assets and finances etc, our property settlement has even been discussed with her friends. My marriage has been re written and held up for anyone silly enough to listen. She has told people I have no idea how to be a parent ... she does she has 4 cats. Soulmate schmoopies.

Did you block her and him on Facebook?

What do you have planned for you?

Yes I have blocked both of them.

A bubble bath with relaxing music and candles .... hopefully I wont fall asleep.

I was actually thinking of her comment her friends think I'm mad (possibly b/c they've been told I'm crazy )and childish. It certainly says alot about their character, no wonder they are friends.

Atta girl, on the bubble bath. Love it, and put some nice music on. Maybe a glass of wine?

Don't make yourself crazy by trying to figure out a wayward's mind. They are the queen and kings of blame shifting. If they actually were to stop and have a conscious they would crash. Trust me. Some get there and some may NEVER get there.

I meant to add the music. The glass of wine sounds decadent and wonderful.

Exactly, even the accusations in WH email were really a projection of his behaviour.

I like reading the wayward babble threads and the soulmate schmoopies website, it ..... "puts things into perspective" 'provides some clarity" I can't think of a suitable phrase for such crazy, illogical, irrational thinking.... confirms they are aliens

Thank you for sharing that email from your sweet husband. I wonder if he copied and pasted it from my WH, or the other way around? So made me laugh, and made me feel better that they all say these horrible things, and that you can let it roll off you, recognize it for what it is.

Hi Rainysweet, Its taken time to get to this point where I can see it for what it is wayward babble. I know the truth, my children know the truth and that is what matters. One day he will have to face the reality of his actions and I know he will struggle with this.

Even though I knew he was an alien and following the wayward script it took a long time reconciling his alien behaviour with the man I loved and knew. It isn't easy to accept someone you love can suddenly hurt you more than you thought possible.

Understanding he is an "addicted alien" is what has helped protect my love for him, it doen't lessen the pain but helps me come to terms with the situation I was faced with.

I have learned we need to focus on what we can control, that is our actions.

For me exposing and going dark was somehow empowering I was taking some control for my life back. Waywards exercise so much control, they make they decision to leave, we Plan A and present the best possible wife. Plan B is healing, refocusing on old or new interests. Its about living life on our terms, taking control of our lives regardless of what our future may hold, we choose the path. Our children benefit from this.

I've been reading your thread and my heart goes out to you. Listen to the vets and those more experienced than ourselves, they have invaluable insight, great advice, encouragement and support. I know you are about to Plan B, it does provide a sense of relief it removes us from the drama, gives us the space to heal and focus on ourselves and children.

Thank you, Happy. Good to hear advice from vets, but also from someone pretty fresh into it, closer to where I am. It is so sad to lose someone you love to the "addicted alien" thing. I had one counselor tell me when I felt really angry or afraid of him to try viewing him like a "wounded animal," like he's gushing blood everywhere and lashing out at everyone around him, especially those who try to help him, because of pain brought on by his own self-inflicted wounding; that he reacts only on base, instinctual levels, no rational thought or higher emotions like empathy or love. That's helped me a few times too.

I'm glad to hear hope and encouragement from you, though, and that you and your children are doing well. I do feel nervous and afraid in moving forward with this, but also some peace and hope for something - a better life for me and my children. Thank you for your kind words.

Well is all quiet on the western front. No responses to exposure, still its early days. Bit of an anti climax. I don't know whether no news means good news or is it the calm before the storm. I expected a few rude replies from her family and possibly her closest friends .... maybe I'm too "mad and childish" to quote OW, for them to bother to reply. To think

dang fingers accidentally hit submit before finished.

To think I stayed up all night to expose while the non "mad" slept so she wouldn't get wind and block me before I'd finished.... maybe I am mad.

Feeling a little down today. WH & OW are in Oz today in our hometown, this has hit me more than I anticipated. I've known about the trip for weeks.

Hard not to think about it, he's defaulting on our mortgage and taken OW on a 5 day shopping trip for her birthday. His justification for defaulting is: "our debt is unsustainable and he is stressed". Driving around in a new/newish BMW, 5 day shopping trip to OZ, inter island weekend in less than 2 months, new furniture, dining out and shopping sprees certainly aren't the actions of someone worried about debt.... more like soulmate schmoopies.

On the positive I discovered prior to going dark that they are not staying at his parents house as I assumed. That thought was pretty gutting, that his parents would have OW stay 4 nights ... happy fantasy family. They are visiting on mother's day though.

I know I need to treat myself today but it's harder to get into the spirit. Weather is not so good, overcast, windy and foggy. I can't even see my lovely view, it would be nice to sit with a "cuppa" on the deck.

Maybe watching a comedy movie might be the way to go tonight.
I think I need to make plans this weekend and keep busy Hopefully the weather forecast improves it would be great to get outdoors, lots of lovely spots nearby.

(((Happy)))

Have you been to see your doctor for some AD's?

Have a cuppa in doors?
Watch a comedy with your teenagers.
Get up and have a dance off with your kids. The goofier is the winner.
Play a board game with kids.
Go give big ol bear hugs to your kids and then just walk off saying "love ya" with a wave.

Thanks BH, I think I've gotten over myself. Haven't taken any AD so far on this journey. I even avoid paracetamol unless I really need it.

Had a coffee in the dining room (lots of glass that looks out onto view) even the fog cleared a little .... wish WH's fog would. Listened to music.. sang Anastacia's Left Outside Alone & Seasons Change really loud. DS6 is home today so I've had lots of hugs and we are about to play Ben 10 Guessing Game.

Its been a huge week exposure, dealings with bank and lawyers etc and I think my lack of sleep (exposing into the early hours of morning) caught up with me. Getting off my chest on this thread really helps.... everyone can relate to the highs & lows.

Feeling better, little sad but not down. Reminding myself focus on what I can control not things I can't. Do something to make myself happy, I don't want his wayward behaviour to define me.

I thought I would re post this and add a few quotes from WH along the way to help show the illogical mind of a wayward. I hope this helps any new BS reading this thread to understand and accept their foggy babble is a re write of history. You have your memories and you really know the truth, try not to doubt yourself.

Quoted from WH a few days/week prior to DD:

"I don't know if I still love you"

"I did love you madly, but I am not there now"

"I simply do not love you anymore. I respect you as an intelligent caring person, who I once loved and the mother of our children. I do not believe you can fall back in love"

"We can be great friends moving forward"

This conflicts with his statements in his email above - didn't want to marry me, doesn't like me or think enough of me to hate me. When he announced moving out he stated that it would be silly to "maintain an illusion for his parents visit b/c his mother (retired pyschologist) would see through it" .... funny he now believes he fooled her for 20yrs.... he should be nominated for a grammy!

I hope sharing this helps.

It helped me, Happy. Thank you. I'm sad for you. Sorry for all you are going through.

I hear the same things. "I was so in love with you. I never wanted anyone else. You could've had the world with me if you'd only done (whatever it is at that moment that I didn't do). We don't have to hate each other. We can be good friends and help each other through this." Then, "I never loved you. You forced me into marrying you. I hate you. I wish you were dead. You are a horrible person.
blahblahblah . . . " So which is it? He can say completely conflicting things in the same sentence. The kids were millstones around his neck, he never wanted them, don't ask him to help with anything for them ever again; then how dare I not force them to go with him, how can I keep his kids from him? Whatever. Aliens. Yes.

I found a picture today, from our wedding (not on purpose, sad that I found it). He was dipping me down and kissing me - so cute, so funny, so him. There's a huge, beautiful rainbow across the sky behind us - that really happened, the rainbow. But he never loved me. It was all a joke.

Yes, we have to stay grounded in truth, trust our hearts and what we remember, and know they are just very lost.

Amazing how much money he blows on OW (like you - vacations, shopping sprees, presents) while complaining that I'm so irresponsible with money, trying to keep up on bills and keep kids going. How I should "grow up" while he runs away and pretends he's 13 again.

My WH's parents both let the OW stay with them too. Hadn't heard something so awful from anyone else - so I'm horribly sorry for you, but comforted that they're all whack-o. It's not us.

I hope you do something wonderful for yourself, enjoy your children, relax. You are a brave lady to expose to all her friends/family. And you are there for your children. Where else would you want to be, really? You will have them forever, your grandchildren, all of it. If he never comes around, he will lose all of that. Sad for him. Your heart is in the right place, no matter what the weather is outside:)

RS. I'm glad it helped. For me not only writing about my story so far but being able to help others has a healing effect. MB Land is a wonderful place for support and its good to be able to pay it forward.

It is sad what waywards are willing to sacrifice to maintain their fanatasy. Financial sacrifice is crazy, but family thats a price too high to pay.

I read a psychologists article which indicated that wayward's will sacrifice everything, eventually when there is nothing left to sacrifice the cracks in the affair being to appear, some WS even start to resent what they have sacrificed.

WS project their own actions, guilt and anger onto the BS. It seems that some even project the OP behaviour onto the BS .. I suppose its easier to demonise the spouse than face any flaws OP may have.

Try to ignore what your WH says (I know its not always easy) but you know the truth and thats what really matters. Remember its wayward babble and not even worth the grief of try8ng to understand.