She said her families and friends know.

Naw, exposure won't make any difference whatsoever. He is long gone.

He is threatening to post photos of her (I assume intimate?), he's been out of the house for almost 2 years, this man is just cruel. I think the OP's mental health is going downhill if this continues and it is getting to the point where the children are watching their mother die a slow death by abuse.

She exposed to her children, the OW's BH(who said he wouldn't kick her out) and others. This affair has been going on for 3.5 years she tried to Plan A for a short time before Christmas until he resumed his affair. He has moved out. A therapist believe her children are suffering from PTSD. He also has major anger issues.

This poor woman has suffered long enough.

Harley says if the affair hasn't ended and there has been no reconciliation in 2 years, that the situation is hopeless. She needs to move on. File for divorce and go into Plan B.

Rainysweet,

her husband gives her a cushy life and takes care of the kids while my husband takes her on vacation. Total fantasyland.

You need to expose to every single one of her facebook friends, do not waver in you purpose, she is keeping your WH addicted to her, but once your WH is divorced and destroyed will lose interest in him. Her children need to be told the entire truth as well.

She sounds like an extremely vain person and the one thing such a person prizes is their public reputation and standing. If you destroy those then the associations she has of the affair will be entirely negative.

You've been too nice about this horrible affront to you and the destruction of your childrens family.

She will never leave her H who provides well for a man who is strapped down paying child support. She will find another OM soon if she hasn't started down that path already.

God Bless
Gamma

Rainy, I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.

Have you spoken to a lawyer to find out your legal rights? If not, you should, ASAP. You will want to get exclusive rights to your home, so your WH can't use that against you and your children. You are going to want a legal arrangement for CS, and possibly SS.

As soon as you can, I would get into Plan B. You can expose after you have entered PB, and I would suggest that.

Can you see how you are already on the path to divorce right now anyways? Entering Plan B will help you be able to heal. There is a always a chance that you and your WH will remarry, but by then, you may not want him.

To answer this question, yes, they do. And yes, they almost ALWAYS fall apart, for a host of reasons. I have heard Dr Phil say that marriages born from an infidelity have a 92% failure rate. But I think I have seen links to what Dr Harley says here where he indicates it is an even greater failure rate, with the reasons why.

What you need here is a PLAN. Seems to me you have been in Plan Doormat for a very, very long time. Your WH is a cake eater, and you are serving him up on a silver platter. You deserve better, and your children deserve better. Expose that nasty OW!!! And do a dark Plan B. Take away your half of the cake. You are right, your WH is not living with reality, and he needs a good dose of it. You removing yourself from the picture will start that process...then he will be 100% available to the OW and will she want that given her cushy life? Is she willing to leave the comforts of her sitch for him? Either way you need to remove yourself from the situation for YOU and your children who need out of this drama. There are some GREAT Plan B vets on here who will guide you along the way.

Agree. He is paying CS and they already have a legal seperation.

Thank you all for food for thought.

The affair did end once, almost a year after I found out, after doing everything I could to meet his needs for several months. Easier that she lives so far away. (I did not find MB until after we had been separated for a few months). I don't believe it was a false recovery. I believe it was genuine, but he relapsed. He was a completely different man - his whole heart and soul were in our marriage and family. He was the best husband and father he had ever been, told me he was going to work his whole life to make up for his stupid mistake. But he is a sex addict, and she kept after him. If I had found MB then, I would have insisted on extreme precautions, but I didn't know to do that. I think that would have saved us. We had a couple of bad days, she happened to pick that particular time to keep calling him, and he left.

Even after he left, it took him months to really be caught up in this fog again. So he has been gone for 1 1/2 years. He almost came home in July and Dec 2011. Both times she talked him out of it. Do I give it 6 more months? It seems like when he almost pulls out, and then gets sucked back in, it's worse than ever for awhile (an addiction) until he starts to come out of the fog and sober up a little. Dr. Harley told me a few months ago that it was almost like a new affair with it ending after nearly 2 years for several months, and then starting up again - so 1 1/2 years since the re-start.

This is a 22-year marriage with 4 kids in the middle. If it ends like this, in such an awful state, he will be cut off from his children forever I'm pretty sure. He and I will never be able to be civil to each other, attend things for our grandchildren together (the kids wouldn't want him there anyway). Nothing. It is so sad for me to see what he has dragged it down to the last 4 months. It was never this bad before. He says our whole marriage was a nightmare, he never wanted the kids, I'm the worst person in the world, I was such a horrible wife, I deserve all this, the kids are either fine and I'm blowing it out of proportion if I say otherwise, or they are spoiled immature brats who need to buck up and deal with life (kinda ridiculous for him to say that to them, isn't it?), back to the other woman is his soulmate, so amazing, such an effortless relationship (in Dec he said he knew she had never loved him or cared about him at all, that real life never would have worked with her - bizarre how his thinking gets so twisted again). I hate for it to end in such a dark, ugly, awful place for all of us, with nothing left intact at all of love or goodness, happy memories, nothing.

Rainy, this affair has gone on way longer than 2 years, so of course, you should not wait longer. Your marriage already has come to this, you just ave to accept it. Plan a is not intended to be a way of life, but a very short 3 week plan. It is time to face reality, dear.

I meant do Plan B and give it 6 more months before I file, but he may push it through sooner anyway.

Do you think still expose on facebook, even though most people know by now and there could be ugly repercussions to me? Is it worth the risk for possible damage to her?

I disagree with FB exposure at this time. Your family and friends already know, he hasn't lived in your house for 1.5 year and he is threatening to release photos of you? I don't see how Facebook friends (who are likely people he doesn't even know well) is going to help at all. You've already exposed to those who mattered.

Rainysweet, please don't worry about your children if you divorce. Your children have seen you be abused long enough, you have taught them right from wrong and it should not be too difficult of a situation for them.

Having been in a similar position myself (as the child), my child (grandchild) has an awesome relationship with the grandparents who demonstrate love and respect. The one who shows no love and respect is not in his life, and that was an easy choice. Children do not have the same emotional attachment that the BS has (obviously they do have an attachment but it's different), it's easier for a child to say no to the abuser when they are an adult themselves.

Yes, you're right. It has been easier for the kids to cut him out of their hearts at this point than it has been for me. Thank you.

Someone just said on here earlier (I dont know how to cut and paste it) that the OW is obviously vain (total narcissist is more like it) and that exposing HER on facebook (not so much my husband, wouldn't do a lot to him) might do some damage. She is extremely hypocritical and tries to keep up a front of being this amazing Christian woman - wife and mother - to some people, while bragging to others about her philandering, how she got my husband away from his family and he can't live without her. As I said, her family and close friends all know at this point, somehow she has this affair all tied in with how they were meant to be and God brought them together (feel free to vomit).

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. I guess the risks outweigh any possible benefits. She is who she is, and hopefully someday that comes back around to bite her, and him.

I have 4 great kids to be grateful for. I just wish they had not had to go through all this. It has damaged them. But maybe a clean break is what we all need.

RS, I just checked out your other threads and you were STRONGLY advised to move into Plan B last year and it seemed that you were heading in the direction and then ???

How long are you going to let this go on? What is the plan here?

Your poor children have one wayward parent, and they need you to be as healthy as possible, not on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Enough is enough.

I was advised to go into Plan B, and I didn't feel right about it then. He was pretty bad at the time, when I first got on here, but then he pulled out of it to a large extent. It's almost like he's 2 people. He is a different man when he gets some space from the OW.

After I first got that advice several months ago, I did get some space from him and try to pull myself together. He was going to come home in July after I had pulled back for a bit, but then didn't. After that I tried a different marriage program that honestly felt more right to me. I tried to work on myself and re-establish a connection with my husband, try to rebuild love and draw him back in, without trying to control him or let him hurt me. It was good for both of us. It did make a difference, as there was a huge change in him in Nov/Dec, so I'm not sorry I did it. I wanted to feel like I had done everything I could. That's part of why this is so sad for me, because we reconnected and I and my children all saw a lot of hope. We saw him be him again. I don't think that was damaging to them. It's also part of why I feel torn. That worked once, but I let fear get the better of me and didn't react right when I had a window. Since I have mostly pulled away from him the last 4 months, he's landslided down to the worst he's ever been. I don't know if that was a mistake, if I should have tried to keep doing the loving things I had been doing and stay connected to him. These are conflicting programs to some extent, I know, and apparently they don't want me to mention the other one because it's been edited out in another post.

But the last 4 downhill months have been awful, more damaging than the rest of this combined to my children and me, I'm sure. I feel like it's probably a different place, too low to draw him back from, and maybe Plan B of Dr. Harley's program was what I needed now. But I still wanted some advice and thoughts on all of it.

Thanks.

Wow. I just read back through some of my posts. I forgot - I got on here after he did NOT come home in July, not before. And I had forgotten how bad he was then. But I thought cutting him off would only send him further into the affair, so I tried something else. Which, as I said, worked - or almost. We actually reconnected and I saw his heart again, my kids saw their dad again.

But now he's sucked under big time.