Four out of the five EN's I listed I have been fulfilling fairly well, Conversation being the one I've always had problems with. Verifying NC with OM has become difficult, while I don't totally trust my wife, I do trust her best friend more. I have postponed filing a restraining order against OM since that will likely make him lose his job as an EMT, although if contact is made, I will not hesitate to file the restraining order

Do you know for sure he would lose his job? If he did that's the results of his actions.

Sounds like you're doing a good job. Remind me was OM M?

Have you heard and read this? Dr. Harley encourages BH to confront OM

Have you tried this to help you?
Conversation is Boring

OM is not M

I have postponed filing a restraining order against OM since that will likely make him lose his job as an EMT...

And you care about scumbucket's job viability why?????

The few BHs on this site who recovered their marriages did NOT EVER act all solicitous and kindly to the APs in breaking up their affair.

POSOM does not deserve to have a job where vulnerable people are brought into mandatory contact with such a pig! ("Ma'am, little Johnnie's broken arm will heal just fine. Would you like to heal my broken heart?")

Kinda like hiring a hyena as an apprentice butcher!

I find newly betrayed husband's have a tendency to back off OM's after they seemingly end things with their WW's simply because they fear that if they continue to mess with OM that he'll figure what the heck and renew contact with their WW just to spite the BH. This isn't typically the case. OM's are weak slimy creatures that typically view your lack of response as a sign of weakness and will exploit such weakness, at their leisure...behind your back to reignite things with your wife any time they get the inkling. They see your wife as undefended easy pickings. However...an over the top reaction (direct and indirect)...threatens OM on a much larger scale and raises the bar as far a consequences are concerned to such a level that they get the message DON'T MESS WITH MY WIFE...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF DOING TO YOU.

OM losing his job local to you...and having everyone around know about his adulterous behavior just makes it more likely he'll leave town.

As far as talking divorce...everyone above has great suggestions...just don't engage her in such discussions and keep trying to distract her into doing something else. Try to get her out...engaged in life with you (and the family)....living in the NOW. Not too much unlike how you treat a teenager...keep her busy and broke.

Mr. W

R1983,

I have postponed filing a restraining order against OM since that will likely make him lose his job as an EMT, although if contact is made, I will not hesitate to file the restraining order

Not only should he lose his job, but if you suspect he was with your WW while on duty you can threaten a lawsuit against the department.

I've seen a few bad apple EMTs, Police and others in positions of responsibility for unfortunate and vulnerable persons abuse that power to their own advantage. This guy needs to be shut down.

God Bless
Gamma

She can't receive welfare if you are providing support. As soon as she receives welfare, your wages will be garnished. She needs to want better for her children. My W said that same thing. Make sure you're educating your self in regards to the law. You need to know your rights as well as hers.

It seems like plan B is imminent at this point.

What happened?

Not entirely sure. But after talking with her about it for a couple hours, it's going to be more of a combo of Plan A and B...a little bit of both. She and our children will be moving in with her mother (in a different state) and I'll be looking for a 1br apartment in the local area. While this was not how I wanted things to work out, it kind of feels like a best option right now.

There is no combo Plan A and Plan B.

You're either in Plan A or Plan B.

Why are the kids moving in with her mom? Why aren't they with you?

Then I guess it's plan A with her and the kids living with her mother. The kids are going with her, because frankly, her and her mother will be caring for them vice just me. The only thing I'll be paying for is their day care. I'll be using this opportunity to pay off a good chunk of my debt and hopefully allow me to set some aside.

Did you ever confront OM?

Has she ended all contact with OM?

I have not confronted OM face to face. And yes, she has ended all contact with him.

If you let them leave the state, you're going to have a long battle if this goes to divorce. I would file an ex parte to keep them here.