Oh happy, I wish MB and affair-proofing was a pre-marriage rite. I really do. I've had one of those weekends that just reinforces this

But people who want to be educated will ask things, what happened, your experience, your opinion. My experience anyway. When they don't ask questions, you are simply talking to a brick wall.

BH nailed it. Its education without seeming scorned or patronising.

This is some good Plan Bing. So early on, too!

Letty is so right. Its weird, but I didn't find much on MB about how a BS should respond to exposure. I thought I would share some of my experience.

Happy, be prepared for many ignoring your exposure. It happens. I didn't push this. In hindsight, with some of the key targets, I think I should have. I allowed WH to gaslight them. I should have contacted them after exposure and asked for further support.

Others might hurl abuse at you. It happens. I chose to ignore the these. They only came from OW's side. If they HAD been from WH's side, I would have responded that I am sorry they choose to support WH's adultery.

What I didn't expect, and might be particular to my sitch given the young age of OW and her friends, is people simply commenting. I got all sorts of varieties.

This I always responded to. People taking the time to respond to a stranger deserve an acknowledgment. I think it also suggests they are thinking about your situation, and about YOU. Any chance you have to reinforce you are a person with a family that has been hurt, use it. In my responses, I educated depending on the comments made. I had strangers who were friends / family of OW offering support and / or unfriending her on FB.

Don't assume if you have little response to exposure that it has not been effective. I know that WH's family were very critical of him, TO HIM, due to exposure, but I didn't know it at the time. The thing is that WH KNOWS you exposed, regardless of the response.

But the most important thing... you know you did what was right for your family and marriage. End of.

Thanks Indiegirl, to be honest it's not easy but I'm really trying. Lots of rollercoaster moments and tears.

Thanks Caracal for sharing your experience. Its helpful to keep in mind, no response doesn't mean exposure isn't effective.

I am anticipating some abusive replies from OW side particularly her sisters. I was planning on ignoring if this was the case, I figured I'd never change their opinion.

Toxic is as toxic does?

I got some very wayward responses from OW's aunt. Real soulmate schmoopie stuff.

But you never know what these toxic people may be saying to OW. I've seen people defend a family member to strangers, however when the stranger leaves the room, turn on that family member and give them he77.

Now, back to Plan B... good work on your weekend!!! You have made me envious of being near a beach...

I won't mind them defending OW to me if they give her he77

It's great being so close to the beach, when we lived in Oz it was an hour to the nearest beach.

During one of my hardest moments, I headed off to the beach and sat in the car looking out at the waves. A great place to sit, think and let the tears fall.

I'm two hours to the nearest beach... one of the crazy few Aussies who live inland! Whilst I enjoy the ocean, I am very much a desert and "bush" girl.

I had to laugh, reading you having a "cuppa" somewhere on your thread. I am starting to pick back up on the lingo, and lose the "Pommie" accent

Actually come to think of it, it was probably 1 1/2 hrs to the beach. We lived in a semi rural area of Sydney about 1hr from CBD but still part of the Sydney metroplitan.

I love the beaches, mountains and bush. We used to travel alot around Oz when I was growing up and had family friends who owned a sheep and dairy farm in southern NSW. I used to love spending time there.

One good thing about living in NZ no snakes. Its great to walk through long grass in summer! Funny when I garden I don't worry about spiders, I figure they might bite you but they won't kill you.... no funnel webs, redbacks.

lol, it took me years of riding here to get used to NOT having to look for snakes!

the only thing that bothers me gardening is cockroaches. i can't abide the things. after living w/black widow spiders, spiders don't bother me, though DD has arachnophobia, and has since she was a baby. just like me and roaches.

happy, i'm just about to leave for the car show (i get to drive Hs new camero), but i'll be thinking about you while i'm away. stay strong, and remember, you don't need to reply right away. have a think, and even post replies here for guidance if you need it.

Letty - Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Haven't been on DD6 has been home ill, lots of hugs seems to make anything better...hehehe

Update: Exposure done! Seemed like hours before I pushed that first sent button exposing WH. Once I was into it it was almost impowering .... yay I finally get to stand up against infidelity. Exposing to OW friends was easier, finally the truth is out there after all her lies and manipulation.

Time will tell what effect it has, hopefully its huge!

Now sit back and let exposure do it's thing.

You keep taking care of yourself and your kids in Plan B.

I know I am going to get 2 x 4 for this. I will be honest I was going to forward email to IM without looking but curiosity got the better of me. I was good earlier today, I'd deleted an email he forwarded from lawyer without reading it (lawyer & bank cc email to both of us so no need for him to forward)

On the plus side, I see it for what it is wayward foggy babble that shows exposure hit the target.... wow I have come along way I didn't react. Shame I'm not replying in person to let him know I'm not an emotional wreck, wouldn't that dent his ego and what a loss of power, he didn't push my buttons. Enough said here is the email:

BS,

I cannot believe you have sent messages to OW's friends. You have breached both OW's and my privacy and reinforced to our friends that you are not behaving in a rational and sane manner which gives me grave concerns for the safety of my children.

I will be contacting my solicitor to discuss the appropriate action.

I am a grown man who is capable of making his own decisions. I left you before I started a relationship with OW the transition was simply two weeks which I lived in the house...

I first decided to leave you in 1997 and only hung around for the kids. I have no intention of ever reconciling the marriage and will be applying for divorce at the first available opportunity.

The only reason I ended up marrying you was because I got sucked into the "must look after her because she is grieving" thing ... I already didn't find you attractive in body and spirit at that time! It is a decision that I have regretted for the past twenty years. The only exception is my children!

I really don't like you. I don't even think enough of you to hate you!

I am concerned for the damage you are doing to our children with messages like "I am trying to get our family back together" (from DS6 along with a few other choice conversations).

It is a shame that you have chosen to embarass yourself in this manner. Perhaps you should seek professional help for your irrational behaviours and thinking. This will also help assist you in recognising that the marriage is over.


Amazing the last email (response to Plan B letter) it was 15+ years, now its 1997 ie 14yrs. On a new foggy re write its now he never wanted to marry me. What a wonderful sacrifice to marry me to help me grieve the death of my father (cancer). There are so many contridictions since domb drop, the story gets better each time.

The irony - supporting our children, teaching them right from wrong, letting them know I am fighting for our family, being honest with them he views as damaging. Yet his infidelity, abandonment, irrational behaviour, sacrificing our financial security by defaulting on mortgage and his bad mouthing of me is not damaging or irrational.... foggy.

Yay a victory for happy and MB I think i hit the target

BH - I'm glad you sent this before my last post.

Bad girl reading that slop!

Now forward it to your lawyer.

LOL, that's one the best fogbabbled responses to exposure I've seen in a while.

Translation: Direct hit

But quit reading

Actually I should say one of the saddest responses.

DON'T DO THAT AGAIN.

Now that we have that outta the way. Why is your email address still the same, hmmm? That should have been changed. At a MINIMUM, your WH should have been BLOCKED. You now have stated that this is the SECOND email he got past your hounds. Plug up this hole dear.

Now, more importantly, what colour are your toe nails today? Any sparkles? I LOVE LOVE LOVE Sally Hansen Rockstar Pink. It's very sparkly.

I know, curiousity got the better of me. I've blocked his emails now.

He's super foggy. I now I shouldn't have read it but its good to know I had a direct hit. I think OW will be very angry, she's into bodybuilding, competing and executive level ...there were lots of body builders,gym owners and personal trainers on her FB. Lets hope the LB begin. If nothing else I hope it starts to peel away the layers of fantasy.

I have blocked future emails.