True, thank you both. No idea how I can laugh after tonight, but I did.

I wish the karma bus would hit him tonight. Or a big ol' truck????

Thank you all for the support and prayers. Got a long day tomorrow with an early start. I'm going to bed.

Karmarose, I like your poo analogy, how appropriate when discussing waynerd behaviour.

RS, Waynerds also project theirs and OP controlling behaviour onto the BS. Unfortnately they are "soulmate schmoopies" so her interests come first.

In my stich OW is controlling and manipulating. Everytime WH and I reached an agreement about marital assets, he'd go back to her and I receive a call, WH would do a 180 on our agreement. She couldn't equity harvest so she is now behind his defaulting, she's enjoying the lifestyle our defaulted payments are providing. OW is also fueling his anger towards me and lying to our children about me..... they alll have their own agenda.

This may make you laugh ... I even had WH do a 180 about selling our investments as he needed to buy a house b/c OW had sold hers (trading up) and it would be hard to find accomodation for her 4 cats.... now even thecats were taking priority over me!

Thanks. I thought it may be a bit inappropriate, but...

Sleep well!

No way it was spot on. Good one KR.

RS, its your call but I would recommend sending the Plan B letter.

There are a lot of long nights in Plan B where you wonder if he's changed, sobered up, realised that you met most of the needs.

If he hasn't contacted your intermediary,promising to comply you know he hasn't.

It removes the doubts and the urge to peek out of your plan.

You don't have to take him back ever if you don't want.

My WH might abide by the letter when its too late. I would sit down and speak with a FWH. I would let him offer me amends. Doesn't mean I have to take them.

Oh and the copy to OW is a nice FU that causes trouble in the A.

Nothing wrong with tossing a grenade into the crackhouse that took your life before you go.

I would still go into Plan B so you don't have to deal with him. You STILL will have to have dealings with him so it is best that communication go through an intermediary. Glad you are filing for divorce. You need to protect yourself and your kids.

P.s. and change your locks!

X2

Let us know how it goes with the protective order.

How are the kids?

I believe one of the posters on here has offered to be your IM. Considering the fact that it seems your WH has gone completely off the deep end and is very volatile, it might be a good idea to have an anonymous and unavailable IM. I would hate to see a personal friend that he knows and has access to be approached physically with his rantings and ravings. On paper it can just be deleted but a physical confrontation is far more serious. Just seems like he has it in him.

I agree with unwritten. I tried to have my sister as an IM and he nearly made her ill with manipulation and craziness.

Is your friend tough? It could still work if she sticks to the script.

An anonymous MB IM is harder to mess with, though.

You can try to make sense of the madness and imagine what is going on in his other life but it is pointless.
WH and OW can have drama galore....break up....make up......break up, etc.
indefinitely.

I would just make a Plan B letter to give the man and not try to consider what his future is or is not.

File for a Divorce too so that it is clear that you expect a fair treatment financially and child custody wise. That you will take no crumbs or threats or poison.

Remove yourself from the adultery vortex.

Hug those kids. Hug them close. Take them together and tell them it sucks but you will be their rock....come Hell or high water you are there.

You still need Plan B!

I came out of my Plan B somewhat during this D process to answer some emails and fwd copies of them to my atty. Some of them got nasty and it is very hard to fight the temptation to reply and things escalate very quickly. I am back in Plan B and it is unreal how much better and less stressful it is...

The IM will basically make or break your Plan B, RS. I have had to tell both of my IMs countless times: Stop, only tell me the bare minimum.... It is basically crazy not to use an experienced MBer as your IM...IMVHO!

Well I still have to deal with ex because of the children and until D finances are tied up. For the most part, we do not speak to each other unless it is about the children or finances and contact is usually email. After that incident, he left and the D ball started rolling.

We live in different states now. He is not with either OW to my knowledge but even if he was, I'm not worried about it since OW can't be around my children. They can have each other if they want. Even if the OW in your case goes away, there will be a replacement soon.

All things considered, my kids and I are well. Sad to say but my ex was so into his career and traveled a lot that my kids were used to having him gone. They miss him and I know ex misses them but I do think that helped the kids somewhat.

I'll try to answer everyone here. Thanks for all the concern.

Kids are shaken up, but okay. I could not get the protective order today. Taking another day off to try again tomorrow, but not looking great. Unless I have a bullet wound or something . . .

I did say, "Well are you at least going to note all this, so if I end up dead you'll at least have what you need to keep him away from the kids?" So annoying. The officer who pulled him over last night told me he was clearly emotionally unstable, said he went through everything he could to try to find something to arrest him for, but could find no legal grounds. He told me to get a protective order. Even with him vouching for me, they said they just don't think there's enough concrete evidence that he's a threat, especially to his children. I'm more worried about them than myself.

Don't want to just make him madder and then have them not grant it to me. Why can't he just move across the country and live with OW? That's why this has gone on so long and gotten so ugly. She runs his life (and he allows her to), he sees her at least every other week now, sometimes more (all vacation and play time - no kids, no responsibility), she gets him all riled up about how horrible I am and how awful his life has been and everything he'd better be doing and demanding, then she goes home to her privileged life and he comes terrorizing to take out his anger on the kids and me and fulfill her latest orders. No idea what the anger is - at himself for what he's done to his own life? At her? At coming off the high and not having a big enough dose of the drug on hand when she's not here? Who knows. Who cares, if I just didn't have to deal with it.

What is mind-boggling to me is how he can be so sickeningly sweet to her, so pleasant, so fun, so eager to please - and then be this terrorizing monster to his own family, even his children. How do you have those 2 dire opposite personalities both going at exactly the same time? My daughter was scared to death last night. What father chases down his own teenage daughter? He could've caused her to get in a car accident so easily, she's only had her license a couple of months. Then he said she's only afraid of him because of the lies I've been feeding her about him. ???? (Yeah, who's afraid of a raging psycho trying to run your little beat-up car off the road with his huge pickup truck? Especially when said psycho has taken over the mind and body of the man who used to love and protect you?) All rationality is completely wiped out. It is simply beyond my capacity to comprehend. What happened to him? I wish he was on crack - then I could lock him up and get him sober.

I don't want to Plan B at this point, until I have something concrete in place to protect my children. I think he will go after them if he can't get to me (case in point: last night). I will Plan B, but not until I have that issue resolved. Priorities have changed.

If he would just get away from nightmare OW, he might be himself again. Or if he would go do real life with her, the rose colored glasses might start to slip. There'd be no one around to take psycho-ness out on except her. The kids and I could breathe and "move on" like he keeps telling us to. (Tells us to, but won't let us). I know, I can only decide what I do, not what he does. But seriously, how do you escape this? I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out how I could pack the kids up and move out of state, as far away from him and his crazy family as I can get. But then I leave my family, the kids friends and schools and activities, and all my help and support too. It'd be worth the trade-off at this point, but I don't have the money/credit/job to do it.

I'm frustrated, but I'll get it figured out. Talked to my lawyer today. Going to see him tomorrow also, and back to courthouse.

Thanks for thoughts, prayers, and well wishes.

This is the wayward alien. They are vicious and unforgiving.

One BH here had his WW try to kill him.

Another WXW falsified claims of abuse and moved the BH out and the OM in.

Those are the only two I can think of at present, and I know they're women, but they're testaments to how low a wayward can go.

Just remember that.

It's not your husband.

It's a wayward alien, which you need to protect yourself from. Make sure you get in to get that PO asap tomorrow!

Plan B would protect you and your children.

Plan B would help you because you would be emotionally able to handle anything that you need to to protect your children. You are headed for an emotional breakdown, and then, your WH would get FULL custody of your children, and you would need to fight to get them back. That is the reality of what will happen if you continue the way that you are.

I don't see what else you would need to see to convince you to get yourself into Plan B.

So you would all still send a regular Plan B letter? Even though I'm also going into Plan D? You would still do the "I love you and will be willing to discuss reconciliation when you cut off all contact with OW and commit to our M" thing?