I hope to have things in order to begin Plan B by this weekend - at least by Monday. My friend will IM for me, but thank you so much Black Raven.

What do you all think about this? My WH keeps calling since he returned from trip with OW. I keep sending it to voicemail, and then turning off my phone when all my kids are home safely so I know they won't have to get ahold of me. I'm worried about it causing mounting tension though.

Should I answer and be pleasant? No idea what he wants. Or continue to ignore him until I can begin Plan B? Seems silly, I know, but it's stressing me out.

If you are still in Plan A, yes, be pleasant. When you go to Plan B you do not answer at all.

Just something to consider RS. BlackRaven would be an excellent IM she knows the MB principles and the duties of IM. MB IM's have been recommended as the ideal IM. She has also been "vouched for" on your thread. Having been through this herself, she can offer you invaluable insight and support. My IM is MB and she has been a true asset .... she understands. Your decision obviously, just thought I'd offer a suggestion.

Until Plan B....you communicate directly.

Stay pleasant (last thing he will remember when you do implement Plan B)

and

if he talks divorce....you pleasantly tell him that his attorney will need to discuss such matters with yours. Pleasant even if he then blows a gasket and says you must discuss it. Change the subject if he gets nasty or say "I will talk to you later dear. Gotta go." and hang up, turn tail, whatever you must do to not engage in nasty talk.

Rainy, PLEASE listen to BR. She is exactly right. You need to protect yourself from the man who said the above. He is dangerous to you and you need legal protection. You should not only cooperate but you should countersue on grounds of adultery and get the best deal for your children. Your main focus needs to be on protecting yourself and your children from him.

Your husband has already "decided" on divorce, so you don't have the luxury of waiting to decide on anything. You need to decide to protect yourself.

We have told her to do BOTH. She needs to divorce him AND immediately go into Plan B. I doubt he will ever come back, but if he made a personal radical change, she could consider taking him back some day. But that is unlikely to happen. In the meantime, she needs to shut that door in Plan B to preserve her mental health.

Well, you can all rest easy. (And please pray for me and my kids). Plan B and D are both on, kinda shoved into it. WH went completely psycho tonight - went to Grandma's to demand to take our 12-year-old. Thankfully he was gone with uncle. Chased our 16-year-old daughter all over town in her car, driving like a maniac. Threatened me, my family, the kids. He is gone. He is just gone. I have no idea who this raving maniac psychopath is.

I was trying to track down my son to protect him when my daughter called me. Called police to go pull him over and protect her. What a nightmare. I can't believe this is my husband. Well, it isn't - like I said. What happened to him?

Taking day off tomorrow to get protective order and file D asap - call into lawyer tonight, police report filed. Sad. So, so sad. In one way a relief - it's over. Dead.

So sorry rs.

I'm so happy you're taking the steps to protect you and your kids.

You need the protection of Plan B.

Your sanity demands Plan B.

What I can't figure out is why he would break like this all of a sudden. Then again...when WSs go bad, they go BAD. There doesn't seem to be any figuring 'em out.

Sorry to hear things have taken a turn for the worse. Its good you have taken steps to protect yourself and your children.

Hang in there, try to stay strong, you can do this and remember you have support here any time you need it, someone will be online.

I tend to be on til about 6-7 AM of US's eastern time zone. So I'll be here, too.

Sorry to hear about the meltdown but sadly I am not surprised. I ended up calling the police on WH then filed for D...scary and surreal. Prayers to you and your children.

Thank you all. He's been going steadily downhill the last 4 months, but this is the worst I've ever seen him. Not even him, like I said. OW pushing for him to D, but sounds like after his rants tonight that she is not filing for D - she is staying in cushy house with rich hubby. My WH is just her worshiper vacation boy. He wants his money back to buy a house here. Wants to spend every other week with the bimbo, and force the kids to go with him in between. (After tonight???)

I think it comes down to not enough cake to go around. "I should get to keep OW and all that entails, have my kids ready to adore me at my whim if I decide to pop in occasionally, have my BW be willing to take up all the slack and be my buddy while I'm killing her and our kids, have a nice swinging bachelor pad, keep all my hard-earned money, and never feel the consequences of any of my poor choices - just be able to stay high, high, high all the time." Since he can't, that must be my fault too.

Says he has a D suit prepared demanding joint custody and no CS or alimony. Minor change from what he promised this weekend, huh? Never did follow through with his offer of more CS if I would just sign the D and get out of his life. He doesn't really want me out of his life - he needs a scapegoat for everything. I would love to be out of his life at this point, but he won't let me be. (Yes, I'll be doing something about that). He's destroyed his life, he knows it, easier to go into psycho rages at me and even his children than accept responsibility for himself, I guess. It's like he hates himself so much that he has to take all that out on someone - he can't live with himself, can't just leave us alone.

I don't want to send him a Plan B letter anymore. I'm just going to try to get a protective order ordering him to have no contact with me or the kids - no IM needed except lawyers now. No need to express love to a heart that hard, or gone completely. And no longer willing to work on M even if he turns his life around. I hope he does someday, for himself. But I just want him far away from me and my kids. I so wish he would go live with OW across the country, let them both see how great real life is with the amazing other person and what they've done to each other and their lives.

I'm furious with him, my kids are terrified and traumatized. I can't believe it got this bad. I just can't. This is what OW does to him. She should get to deal with it, though, not us.

Ahhh, that must be it. He realized that his fantasy's not working out the way he had imagined it, so he's MAD now, a la Mel Gibson.

Definitely file a protective order and get police reports/etc so you can be SURE he gets NO custody of any sort! Get the alimony/CS you deserve.

No judge with any sense would give him custody or say he doesn't have to pay anything after the crap he just pulled.

And did he leave you alone after that, BR? Is he with OW? You sound like you have things together pretty well. You and your kids are ok?

Please make sure you go ahead with the protection order and give your lawyer copies for your custody claim.

It is a real possibility he never intended to pay extra child support. It may well have been a carrot to get you to sign. Best to not dwell on what might have been, focus on protecting yourself and children and get your lawyer onto child support etc.

I just feel bugged because when he was with OW this weekend, I think (no, I KNOW) she was throwing a fit that he divorce me, so he says he'll do anything to get me to sign. Then she turns around and throws a fit that he can't give me more money - she wants it. He REFUSES to pay more CS for our youngest son last 4 years at home - must plan to hook up with her then and has promised her his full salary. More important to keep her in rhinestone bikinis than his son in his house. Told me I can work 2 jobs, but she can't work 1. Or I can just go find a new dad for his kid. Yes, he said that.

I have never seen one person control another to the extent that she controls him. Yet he is always telling me his biggest complaint was that I was "controlling." And her biggest complaint about her husband is that he had "no balls." Bizarre. Well, they both stepped out of the frying pan and into the fire, didn't they?

I guess I've spent enough time trying to analyze irrational behavior. There's no sense to make of it, just a sick, out of control addiction. It is sad to lose someone you love so completely.

But she is different! She is his "soulmate"! She is not controlling him, no. No, of course not....

And you can bet that on the off chance you did decide to "get him a new dad" WH would throw the biggest fit since the LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE kid.

Not that you would, of course.

I've stopped trying to figure out this stuff myself--it's like trying to figure out why poo smells. You CAN find out but you're so disgusted it's just not worth it.

He's a full blown addict.

Addicts make no sense. That's why Dr. Harley advises separation with an addicts. Affairs are abusive. She's his crack pipe.

Will the karma bus hit him someday? I believe in karma.