the sadness is normal. it sucks, yes. but it is part of your withdrawal, so in a way you can be glad you are feeling it!

do stick with the comedies. laughter is a good medicine for what ails you. and isn't it wonderful to find out what great friends you have?

keep plugging along. remember, each step/day is part of your journey.

Day 3 of Plan B almost over. It was an ok day, not great but I got through it.

I am still feeling anger and sadness and have been thinking a lot about the recent revelation that WH had made yet ANOTHER advance on an acquaintance. A similar thing happened 3 years ago, the first time that I saw any sign of infidelity from WH and I brushed it off as an honest mistake. He made an advance on a friend of mine and then she told me the next day. He of course told me it "wasn't a big deal," because nothing but his attempt to kiss my friend had happened. I now know that this was a huge red flag.

What kills me about WH's affairs is that he was caught 3 years ago yet repeated the behavior at least twice since then. It makes me feel that it wasn't just a mistake that he fell into but a pattern of predatory, dishonest and thoughtless behavior.

There seem to be two main types of affairs, the ones where the WS falls into the affair after LB deposits are made by an OS friend without knowing the danger (innocently almost) and then those who are truly dishonest people who are after secret extramarital sex/thrills but don't fall in love with the OP and want to stay in their marriages (like Starfish and my situations). I just can't believe that such a loving husband (my WH) had so many dark secrets and is so predatory and dishonest. I am so disappointed that this is my WH. He isn't one of the those who made an (almost) innocent mistake and wants to make up for it but one who knowingly and REPEATEDLY was unfaithful because he doesn't give a crap about my feelings.

Why did he choose me? I am suffering now because he is so selfish and dishonest. I think I actually hate him right now.

Plan B Day 4

I am having a pretty good day today, I almost feel normal. This seems too soon but I really feel good! Maybe it's because WH has been in Texas since January and I have gone through a partial withdrawal already.

I think the rose colored glasses came off this past weekend when I found out about the third infidelity that my WH had hid from me and I am now reaping the benefits of getting through the sad, angry weekend . I was even thinking today that he is a serial cheat and even if he did meet all of my conditions, I'm not sure I would take him back.

I don't know if I can keep up Plan B for a whole six months. This is day 4 for me and I already feel like I want to move on. I'm a young woman with fertility problems and I feel that I don't want to draw out Plan B for long because I want to have a family before it's too late. I'm already feeling excited for my new independent life and dreaming of plans for the future without WH. I was thinking of doing some traveling with my mom to an island in Florida -- no POJA necessary.

This has been my best day in Plan B so far but I do realize that there are highs and lows and this is probably just a high day on the roller coaster. I am glad I'm having it but won't do anything rash at the moment. I'm just so happy to feel like myself again and I wish every day could be like this.

There will be lots of days like this, but low days too.

Glad you're feeling better

Six months will be over in the blink of an eye. There's no way to heal in that short a time, so you might as well Plan B while you heal.

Plus a divorce takes longer than that anyway, and you don't want to date while married.

One thing I can tell you is that Plan B doesn't just raise the bar for recovery, it also raises the bar for men in general.

It teaches you how to be a buyer, how to have high standards and patience. How to respect your vows when you are the only one. How to spot poor character. I have become scarily good at spotting losers in disguise. That will save you a lot of time when you do start dating.

Plan B Day 5

I woke up this morning feeling good. Then I found out that WH had made contact with my IM and the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. This was a trigger for me and made the sadness flood back.

He was just asking me to authorize him to split from our phone plan (which I had instructed him to do in my PBL), which I guess is good because he is respecting what I had asked him to do but it made me realize how real this all is. He is breaking off. I guess part of me had hoped that he would fight this and I'm disappointed that he seems to be happily splitting off without any fuss. It makes me want to call him but I will resist. It gives me the urge to go back to him, or at least meet some ENs, a little. The urge is not as strong as before.

This also made me realize how good Plan B is. After 4 days of no contact I started to feel good again. Then I had some indirect contact from him and I plunged back into the old familiar pain, although it doesn't hurt as much. ARRRrrrrghhh!! And I was enjoying the good feelings so much!

Hmmm. I'm not sure how you could possibly know how much 'fuss' he is making. You don't have a magic window into his life.

For all you know, he's having a toddler tantrum every hour.

Or he's totally chilled. You can't possibly know.

Your Plan B is too good, too dark for you to see any fuss.

The whole point of all your preparations was so that you would be entirely clueless of fuss, if there were any.

Because you don't need fuss.

You either need a H with the moral strength to agree to recovery, without a fuss.

Or you need him blocked out.

You're doing very well.

True, never thought of it that way. I'm glad I don't know either way but it's hard to hear any message from WH. Hopefully a message from him will not have such an effect on me in the near future. That is the goal and I think I will get there soon.

Plan B Day 6

I had my first dream about WH last night. We were together in Minnesota, living life as usual. I was angry with him, he was being selfish, and I told my cousin never to marry a man like him.

I've almost made it to a week. I feel that I'm doing very well and having another good day. The trigger from the contact with my IM yesterday has faded into the background of my new life. Went biking with my mom and plan to go running with my sweet puppy later this afternoon. I even cooked last night, which I have not done since I began Plan B. Cooking is usually one of my favorite things to do but I didn't feel up to it.

Every day I tell more friends (and acquaintances) what is going on between me and WH. I have yet to have one person disapprove or disagree with my decision to Plan B. I told a good family friend today, who also loves WH. She told me how proud she is of me for being strong and doing what I'm doing. She said I deserve better and supports me 100% in my decision. I love these people, they make me feel so confident. I really like other's approval and that was one of my worries in doing Plan B but it was obviously an unfounded worry because I found out how much everyone in my life supports me and supports honesty above all else.

I am feeling strong today and confident in my decisions. I'm wishing I had started Plan B earlier. I am feeling that I don't need WH and want to move on. I even feel that if he were to agree to my conditions, I'm unsure whether I would still take him back. The bar I have set for him to reach is getting higher and he would have a lot of work ahead of him if he wants me back.

Plan B is amazing isn't it!

I can't believe how much strength you've gotten and how high your bar has gone in just one week

And cooking! That was at least three months for me. You cook with your heart, I think.

I agree that you cook with your heart.

I didn't have the motivation until last night and then I felt the intense urge to walk to the grocery store, buy eggplant, and make one of my favorite broiled eggplant and goat cheese sandwiches for myself and my parents and even do the dishes afterwards. That is the old me that I'm used to!

When I'm depressed, I don't cook, clean or take any joy in what I eat. When I'm myself, I love talking about, eating, and cooking food.

Exercising, on the other hand, I will continue to do regardless of being depressed because it makes me feel better. I actually often step it up a bit because I get so much relief from the endorphins. Whereas with food I don't feel like seeing it or eating it if I'm depressed.

well done hope! you've already learned the first good lesson of plan b: friends and family are a great support. now that you're in it, isn't it much better than you anticipated? good for you on keeping busy and cooking!

As you may know, I was terrified to go into Plan B, fought the advice and stalled every step of the way. Now that I am in Plan B I wish I had done it sooner (as Indie instructed me to do) and I feel a lot better. I feel that Plan B is my shelter, protection and has promised me a fabulous new future (rather than the bleak one I had been trying to figure out the past 2 months). I feel that I don't need WH anymore and if he does decide to meet my conditions I *may* take him back if he can demonstrate to me a fabulous new future that we will have together.

I think all of this has come so early because I was partially in withdrawal, having been separated from WH for the past 3 months. I just had to take the final step of cutting off all direct contact and I was able to see the situation in a new light and focus on moving on with my life. I still feel some pain when thinking of some of our happiest and most romantic moments, but I have overall been ok.

It also helps that I found out about his third infidelity on my first day of Plan B. It was painful to discover this, but boosted my recover in allowing me to stop doubting my decisions and instead move on with my life.

The good Dr. Harley knew what he was talking about, eh?

He told you to go to Plan B when Mr. Machismo wouldn't POJA with you on little things let alone the move.

That doctor really knows his 40+ years of knowledge.

You are so much stronger in your Plan B super cape.
'da bestest !
Dr. Harley = superhero =Hoping

It's amazing, the magic Plan B cape really does work. My hero, Dr. Harley, thank you for saving me from a lifetime of misery!

Plan B Day 7

Well I returned to work today and reality struck. I'm doing alright, but I woke up feeling sad after having a sad dream. Also WH called me in the dream.

I felt that I had fallen back into the familiar old sadness, except this time instead of an abyss it was a mole hole. Just feeling a bit melancholy now. This must be a low in the rollarcoaster.

You will get a lot of lows; you were taking abuse for such a long time and he was very good at keeping your lovebank stuffed with counterfeit coins.

There's no way to skip the lows! Each one processes something important and directly contributes to your progress. Each low makes the next high!

Lows arent so low with good preparation, though. Have a handy stock of treats nearby and dont take on any massive projects.

My treats are comedies, nail polish, guilt-free weightwatcher eclairs, hanging out with the baby nephews and nieces, burning aromatherapy oils in my living room, long baths, facemasks, buying cheap kindle books or second hand ones, buying shoes, hanging out with my mother (she is q simply the most soothing person when you're raw) or going out to lunch, just me, in a cool lunch oufit (buying these is also a treat) and sitting there for ages with my coffee and kindle...

I have seen first hand that the lows lead to the highs, so this lower day is probably well worth my while.

Yes, I need to keep up on my treats.

Here's what I've got: Strawberries, dried mango (keeping the fridge/cabinets stocked), getting a back massage, good books, classical music, thrift store shopping, cafe mochas, and running with my dog in the woods.

Other ideas: Candles with fragrance, bubble baths.

I could use some recommendations for more books. Plan B books, upbeat and not involving adultery or happy couples.

Not exactly Plan B, but I read the Hunger Games series during my vacation, and it was great. She is such a fighter, it can be inspiring.

Read the whole trilogy already and yes, it was great.

Have you read the Anne of Green Gables books?

So so funny. And there's five of them (I think) to keep you busy