Happy,
Sadly though,some of her friends swung back and are supporting her with the OM now.One of her "friend" said she is to support WW by default no matter what decision WW makes.I guess some people are just people pleasers with no moral values.

oh yes, xp, some definitely are! i actually lost an old high school friend last year. she had started chatting on FB with her old HS b/f, and was contemplating meeting up with him. i reminded her of how badly he treated her back then, and told her that she was sacrificing her marriage on an altar of rose-tinted memories; instead, she should talk with her husband about their relationship. (she was feeling lonely and unloved. sound familiar?) she stopped talking to me because i wasn't "supportive." later, i got a message from her H saying that he had accessed her FB account, read all their messages, and read mine as well, and thanked me for standing up for their M. he was not impressed by her other g/fs that said there was nothing wrong with meeting an "old friend!" grrr to them. they aren't helping anyone with their false comments. in fact, they are hurting people with their superficial "support."

Letty,I wished WW had friends like you.
But as much as I despise these "supportive"friends.I was like that before I came across MB and viewed A in a totally different light.
I had many friends cheating on their spouses/partners and I said nothing.I am so ashamed and resent myself for even covering for my buddies a couple of times.

xtremepain,

Have you ever thought about going back to those BW's and letting them know now?

BH,it happened 15+ years ago when we were in our 20s.The A were mostly one night flings and street hookers.My buddies are now married with kids.Some are still living that lifestyle ,some have become faithful husbands/wives ....i think
I really dont want to go back after so many years and dig up their past.

I would want to know if it was my life.

Have you read lighsout's thread he found out 17 years later and still exposed to the OM's BW who was only his GF at the time.

do u have the link?

Here you go Lightsout's Thread

Here is what he did for exposure to OM's BW 17 years later. OM's BW was his GF at the time that the affair happened and never knew and married OM not knowing.

happy, i'm worried about you. i sent you an important email yesterday but haven't heard back, so am posting here. is everything ok?

X2. I've been busy and haven't been online much... so when I saw this I bumped it.

How are you and Plan B going?

Hi Letty & Caracal. Sorry to worry you but thank you for your concern. I wasn't on yesterday, mother's day lunch and dinner with my mother. We watched a DVD "The Help" last night. I had day surgery today to remove a potential melanoma. They've sent it to the lab for tests but I'm sure it will be fine.

I am ok although I was feeling a bit fragile, lots of tears and feeling a bit sad, knowing WH & OW were in Oz playing happy families with our family. I wasn't expecting it to hit me so hard, I'd known about the trip for weeks.....silly emotions and sentimentality

I was also worried inlaws would listen to wayward babble and OW lies and believe the negative crap. That really hurt to think they may believe the lies and think ill of me. Fortunately fter speaking to MIL on mothers day, they believe I would never do anyting to hurt WH or family. Unfortunately they will not get involved and feel we need to talk and work things out. MIL being a retired pyschologist, I thought she would get the wayward babble, I don't know whether its because she is struggling with facing her son's behaviour or her lack of experience working with infidelity. WH & OW stayed with inlaws and visited SIL, they are all tolerating OW for WH sake.

It seems everyone is willing to tolerate her for WH's sake and no one wants to get involved and voice their opininions. This has been disappointing and hard to acknowledge, I expected family and friends to support our marriage. Maybe I expected too much, if it wasn't for MB and 1st hand experience maybe I would be in the tolerance camp.

It was hard accepting facing surgery and possible melanoma alone without WH support.

Yes its been tough and an emotional 5 days, I suppose added to the mix is withdrawal .... but I got through it. I used to say in any challenging situation it was character building ... but I'm beginnning to wonder how much character needs building.

Hf, their lack of action to protect their family will bite them on the backside.

They have let a wolf in sheepish clothing into their home and dont realise that while they stand around with their thumb up their bum, OW will rip the family they love to shreds.

They dont understand infidelity. They dont understand that they need to take just as much action and make as much of a show of strength as if their son was using crack cocaine.

They dont get it. But they are about to learn.

You on the other hand have your fortress and protection all ready.

OW is a cancer.

You are proving to be very strong, stay positive and remember no expectations, you are doing what is right and moral that is admirable.
We don't know what the future holds for us but we do know god is watching over us all. Trust in that.
Stay busy and be the best person you can be.
(hugs)
Jessi

I so agree with all of this. My WH's family has allowed the OW in too - they "just want him to be happy." Sickening. I did tell them it was like inviting in his drug dealer - would they do that? And I told him once that she was a "malignant cancer of the soul." She is. And that cancer spreads to anyone who allows it into their lives. His family is starting to see the effects - their family (not just my little family anymore) is beginning to be ripped apart by this. Sad.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I just had to have surgery, so I get what you mean. It is very difficult to go through things like that alone, especially knowing where your WH is when he should be with you. I did not have the melanoma scare too, though, so praying for you.

One day you will be surrounded by your children and grandchildren, enjoy beautiful holidays and everyday moments together. And if he doesn't get his act together, he will miss all that. Sad for him. But you are not going to miss it. Stay strong.

Indiegirl, I believe it will come back to bite them, sadly it will be when he hits rock bottom. Its frustrating our family has to weather the impact until then. What hurts the most is their lack of protection for our family. I have never asked them to take sides, I have discussed my understanding of affairs, foggy behaviour and OW and her narcisisstic personality. I thought they would be supportive, they know I am standing for our marriage and family. I didn't expect them to sit on the fence and tolerate OW, I didn't think our family would be sacrificed for the sake of maintaining their relationship with their son. A shame they don't realise their actions and silence is enabling infidelity and validating his behaviour.

BH: A very realistic comparison, same sad effect. I never really watched soapies I thought the storylines were too far fetched not realistic. Maybe there is some truth after all. This would definitely make a good storyline for Bold and the Beautiful.

Jessitaylor: Thank your for your encouragement and support. Its a good reminder after what proved to be a hard week. I think for me its important to remember ... no expectations. When I exposed I did expect family and friends to do the right thing and support our family. They haven't had the benefit of MB and I understand people don't like to get involved. Very true we can have hope but we do not know what the future holds. We have to remain true to oursleves and be the best person we can be.

Rocketqueen:Thanks for your support

Rainysweet:It was tough having surgery knowing WH & OW were in Oz. On a positive note I faced surgery and melanoma whilst flying solo. I'm becoming stronger every day (even on the teary days) Our children and WH parents know this. This will be another thing WH will have to face when he comes out of the fog.
I'm sure the test results will be negative. It is sad when family can't face the negatives of infidelity and choose to sit on the fence rather than rock the boat.

Plan B them too and make your world amazing, full of amazing people.

I found it hard when all our couple friends, including my girlfriends, supported WH and OW.

But now I'm glad. I have better friends these days. Exposure worked for me, even when it didn't work, by exposing the mad, bad, the weak and the useless. There is hope for them of course, but there nothing to do with me while they remain enablers and cowards.

I try to keep in mind they don't understand they are enabling infidelity. I would hope if I was in their shoes I would do the right thing, but without the benefit of MB maybe I would also be an enabler.

Prior to finding MB I was an enabler without realising it. All my research indicated: present the best possible version of yourself and wait for the A to take its natural course, any attempt to interfere would bond them and create and us against the world mentality. I kept quiet to protect my WH and family. I didn't want anyone to think ill of him. Crazy I know but I didn't realise shedding light on the fantasy would kill the A.

If I got it wrong, others will make mistakes to. I should keep this in mind instead of expecting them to do the right thing.

This experience has shown I have some amazing supportive friends in RL and here on MB.

Ill have to disagree hf. I don't know how anyone can cheerfully greet the woman who corrupted the son they loved from when he was an innocent little lad, without knowing full well they are cowards - more afraid of confrontation than of helping their son.

But then I can be a pretty angry little pepper pot.