Lorrie, I assure you he has been gone enough to have an affair. We have had "platonic" friendships blossom into affairs overnight. It could have begun via facebook and then been consummated on his business trip. That is pretty common. Please don't rule it out.

I have one question - you say he's miserable where you live now? How did y'all end up there? By mutual agreement or because of your family/his family/whatever?

I would POJA a place to live. POJA

Do you know why everyone here says "AFFAIR!!"?
Because some of us have been here for 10-12 years and we see it time and time again.

Nobody who "needs some time away" "to clear their head" does it for any reason but to get away from the spouse to pursue their affair. They need "peace" from you discovering and giving them a hassle about the affair.
He "isn't abandoning you", but is leaving the house, letting you take care of it and the kids, and letting you pay for everythign. Uh...isn't that abandoning?

Even teh people who have only been here a year or two see the same thing. His behavior looks, walks and quacks like a duck in an affair.


I would tell him that if he is going to get an apartment by himself, then that appears to you if he is separating from you and you will need to get a separation agreement so that he will continue to contribute financially.

He needs to know that he can't just check out with no consequences. Don't say "I don't wnat to do that because that will just push him away"...he is already away.