I dont think you will have to be dragged into plan b. There is a BW who took amost 6 months and 200 pages before she went into plan b. Even then there were numerous holes to plug up....so another 2 weeks before she was dark. I doubt you will be like her. She is still around.......and posts occasionally.... just dont be like me....ummmmm her.

Thanks. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Going ok for you?

First draft of Exposure Letter, but I need some advice??? (Keep in mind that I am trying to get a PO and will most likely be going to court, so although I do love WH, I don't want to give him things to use against me). Thanks!



Dear Friend of OW,

It grieves me to write this letter, but I believe it is time that her friends be aware that OW began an affair with my husband by contacting him on fb in August 2008 that has continued on and off ever since. WH and I have been married for 22 years. This affair has been devastating to our family; it has altered all of us. It has gotten to the point where my children and I hardly recognize the man we knew and loved for so many years. OW has wreaked havoc in our lives, and is even to the point of encouraging WH to withhold child support in order to fund the bi-weekly vacation time they now spend together. There would be much to work on in order to recover our marriage now. For the sake of my children and our future happiness, I am willing to try. But there can be no improvement in other areas of our lives until this affair has ended. For those of you who believe in marriage and family, please use any influence you may have with OW to encourage her to focus on healing the damage she has done to her own family, and to leave mine alone. I am not going to publicly post anything, but I am willing to provide proof of this affair to anyone who requests it.

BW
Email address


Should I add something like, �I think OW�s friends should know the truth about her.� Or, �Men, beware - she has no qualms about using you for whatever she can get out of you. And women, watch your husbands. This woman is no friend to marriage or family.� ??? Or leave it more neutral?

According to a snooper of mine, OW does seem to still be keeping up her �upstanding Christian wife/mother in the church/community� image. She has friends giving her �beautiful soul� awards on her fb page. Can I throw up now? Or punch something? (shudder). The hypocrisy is unbelievable. How best to take this b**ch down? Just the facts? Or make it sting a little? Thoughts, please???

Okay, I got approval for this, but given the advice below, I'm considering adding in a sentence or 2 that says something like, "It has come to the point where I, and even our children, actually feel afraid of you. (This breaks my heart.)" Do you all think I need to add something like that? Or is saying he needs to get back on meds or enroll in anger management enough?

Given this advice - sorry. Do I need to alter Plan B letter?

Your letter's perfect. The right blend of bait and hook. Address the other issues as conditions if he wants to meet your terms and reconcile.

Thanks, IG. When you get a sec, will you read the exposure letter above and give me advice on that too? So appreciate your time!

I would definitely add something to point out what is only the truth. Something along the lines of "I think as OW's family and friends you should know the truth so you can protect your marriage and family from her".

Its as neutral as I could get whilst still pointing out that OW has no morals.

Thank you, Caracal.

Exposure letter 2:




It grieves me to write this letter, but I think as OW�s family and friends, you should know the truth so you can protect your marriage and family from her � she is no friend to either. OW began an affair with my husband by contacting him on fb in August 2008 that has continued on and off ever since. WH and I have been married for 22 years. This affair has been devastating to our family; it has altered all of us. It has come to the point where my children and I hardly recognize the man we knew and loved for so many years. OW has wreaked havoc in our lives, and is even to the point of encouraging WH to withhold the child support payments he has always been faithful in making, in order to fund the bi-weekly vacation time they now spend together. There would be much to work on in order to recover our marriage after all this. For the sake of my children and our future happiness, I am willing to try. But there can be no improvement in other areas of our lives until this affair has ended. I will provide proof of this affair to anyone who requests it. For those of you who believe in marriage and family, please use any influence you may have with OW to encourage her to focus on healing the damage she has done to her own family, and to leave mine - and yours - alone.

BW
Email address

I like it. Usually I am not fond of putting in more than the bare minimum detail, as people have short attention spans, but I think what you have included re finances is good.

I would throw in a couple of facts, like "my H and OW fly to see other often to pursue their sexual affair, using our family money. Most recently they went on a vacation together to crapwit, Ohio." add the word "sexual" in front of affair wherever you can.

Instaed of saying she started a fb affair, say "ow has been having a sexual affair with my husband since 2008."

Remove these sentences: There would be much to work on in order to recover our marriage after all this. For the sake of my children and our future happiness, I am willing to try. But there can be no improvement in other areas of our lives until this affair has ended

So rs when are you sending out the exposure letters?

Okay, thanks. Did you get the post where someone suggested that I add this with pursuing a PO, so I don't look all sweet and loving here, and then look like a 2-faced ninny to the court? Still think I should take this out? I don't really like the way this sounds, either, but I want to cover my bases.

I go back to court today to hopefully FINALLY get PO. Once he is served with that, so I know my children and I are safe, this is gonna EXPLODE:)

What is a PO?
'scuse my ignorance

Protective order.

Thanks, Brain.
I figured it out on my way to the fridge.
I need a PO from the fridge.

Still no PO. This is crazy. They MIGHT be able to get police reports by tomorrow. If they do, then they can decide if I can even formally request it. 2 1/2 days off work, kids out of school for 3 days. Crazy.


This is my new exposure letter. I think it's too long, but I'm not sure what to take out and what to keep in. It's taking longer than I wanted it to to get everything lined up, but I'm going to be ready when the stars are aligned:)



Dear Friend of OW,

It grieves me to write this letter, but I think as OW�s family and friends, you should know the truth so you can protect your own marriages and families from her � she is no friend to either. OW contacted WH on fb in August 2008 and began an emotional affair that turned sexual with her visit to ____ in July 2009. It has continued on and off, with them meeting up for sex in varying degrees of frequency ever since. At present things are the worst they have ever been, with WH and OW flying back and forth across the country about every 2 weeks in order to meet up and pursue their sexual affair. WH flew to meet her last weekend � I�m not sure if they met up in NY or somewhere else. To my knowledge, OW was most recently here in ___ during the week of April 13th. OW is now even encouraging WH to withhold the child support payments he has always been faithful in making, in order to fund these now bi-weekly sexual escapades.

WH and I have been married for 22 years. This affair has been devastating to our family; it has altered all of us. I have done everything I can to keep our marriage and family together. WH did end the affair at one point, in July 2010, but OW continued to pursue him. She has wreaked havoc in our lives. It has come to the point where my children and I hardly recognize the man we knew and loved for so many years. We all love him still, but there can be no improvement in other areas of our lives until this affair has ended. I will provide proof of this affair to anyone who requests it. For those of you who believe in marriage and family, please use any influence you may have with OW to encourage her to focus on healing the damage she has done to her own family, and to leave mine � and yours � alone.

BW
Email address

I want to get AWAY from him! I hate the feeling I get when I see him on my caller i.d.

Who knows how many more days to get the PO. I am thinking of sending Plan B letter now, instead of waiting for PO first. But I also started reading "The Art of War," and want to be strategic - not stupid. Would it be wise to wait a few more days, if necessary to get the protective order, in case he explodes? Or send Plan B now and hope he honors it, to try to escape the turmoil he brings to my life?

I have also thought that during the temporary PO period, maybe I shouldn't block his calls/emails. Because if he DOES contact me when he is not supposed to during that time frame, it would help with getting the permanent PO. Why can't he just poof away in a puff of purple smoke?

He withheld child support on Friday - it's supposed to be direct deposited into my account, and he changed it. I took it out of his bank (my name is still on that account) - only what he owed me, nothing more. Then he freaked out about how he was not going to pay me, I would have to come beg for my money, he could hold it for 2 months before the courts could do anything, etc. So I went back to drain the rest so I would have money to live on, if he really wasn't going to pay me.

I could only get $60, because he had figured it out and taken most of the rest out. He sent me a threatening text that night about how dare I remove money from his account and he was thinking of having me arrested for stealing (puh-leeze!) He also told me what a moron I am, I'm so terrible with money, if I budgeted better I wouldn't be in dire straights, he didn't care if I couldn't make the house payment or buy groceries for the kids - that was my fault for being so stupid, this is what's wrong with me, I should have money saved up, not be down to dollars every payday.

Apparently he just figured out about the extra $60. So he left me a sweet message just now about how he simply does not have the funds to cover it, please put the $60 back in his account TODAY (his bank is a good half hour away - I already made a trip there Friday to get my money), he really needs the money, he doesn't have a dime to his name. (Flew across the U.S. last weekend, spent 3 nights in NY with OW - want to start adding up plane tickets, rental car, wining and dining, hotels, etc. for 4 days in NYC?) Yes, I definitely have a problem with budgeting. Oh, and he looked in my garbage can (????) and saw frozen burrito wrappers. Well, if I would spend my money wisely and make my children homemade dinner every night and not throw money away on frozen foods, I would be fine without his money. Perhaps if I invested in prostitutes instead, that would be a more prudent use of family funds? Crazy, crazy, CRAZY!!!

Should I seriously give the $60 back? Or should I remind him of his own sage advice to me? Or not bother to acknowledge him, since he's been a raging psycho for the past 2 weeks, and suddenly he's sweet as pie since he has $60 left to his name, after blowing it all on his most recent bi-weekly vacation?

I feel like Alice in Wonderland. I just want to get out of this whacko, upside down and backwards place that is such a twisted version of my life.