to all that have made it thru, I give u a huge pat on the back.this would be the most difficult thing I hv ever done. getting thru the anger, waking in night suddenly angry. trying to be nice to wh is hard somedays. I know we need to spend time together, but somedays i just want to be left alone. we live in a small town with not alot to do, i really wish i could just bottle it up & throw it away. seeing the light at end of tunnel is very appealing just wish it would hurry up.

I understand how you feel, kimono. I sometimes wish I could erase my mind of that time. But we can't. All we can do is focus on the present and future and do our best to get through the bad times.

((hugs))

~RQ

kimono,

Is your WH doing everything that you need him to do? Has he created precautions for you?

Please listen to this radio clip of Dr. Harley talking about forgiveness compared to just compensation.
Radio Clip on Forgiveness compared to Just compensation

You said you live in a small town. Are there too many triggers for you?

its a struggle everyday not to say things back, ex: yes we didnt do that because u were busy having affair,no i cant move on when i hv dreams & bad thoughts in my head all the time. no i dont want to watch footy when u shared ur night in hotel watching footy. how do i know he dosnt think of those times, after all he lived all his fantasies with ow,watching footy with me can never be the same, how can i match sex every qtr & whatever else went on?? it must rate there in his head even he says it dosnt.moving forward seems so far away......
i wonder if he settled for me because ow wouldnt leave husband
he thought he had found the money pit, as well as i am mother of his girls??? or did he realise what a selfish pscho ow was??
can a selfish person really change for life, its easy when u want to stay but with time it probably will wear off....
so confused & angry..........

My dear I understand your anger and I've been there. I was the queen(and not a good queen) of AO. Anger is an expected feeling you will go through about 6 months to 9 months into recovery.

Did you listen to the radio clip? Dr. Harley says if the BS can't move beyond the pain and betrayal that their WS put them through, to leave the M.

Do you want to stay married? Sometimes us BS can be the biggest wall to our own recovery.

What are you doing to help you through this? Suppport IRL?
Can you do the online program or call the coaching center?
Are you exercising? Can you get into the doctor for some AD's?

To me it sounds like you are also dealing with triggers. Can you move?
HAve you seen this? Managing Memories and Dealing with Triggers

How much UA are you getting?

yes im aware of all those, no we are not doing online program unfortunatley we can not afford. i can move when we sell house, but the ow lives 3hrs away so thats not an issue. the triggers i have will follow me where i go.
have u recovered or did u leave marriage?

Did you listen to the radio clip? Dr. Harley talks about how some BS can not get over the betrayal. What do you think? Do you want to stay M?

My first M ended, but I'm in a recovered M now.

I know you can't afford the coaching center or the online program. Can you email Dr. Harley at the radio show? It's free.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

nearly 7 months into recovery, h lets me know he is going out of office during work hrs(txt & email)as he has been doing at all times during last 7 months. 45 mins later I'm starting to think when he hasnt returned to work, I'm not saying I think he was up to anything. it's that uneasy feeling it gives u, gets the brain thinking again, should this b getting easier by now??? am facing the rest of my life like this?? not sure that i can ever trust anyone again.......

kimono, can you email Dr. Harley?

if i email, where does the reply go, my mb posts or to my email address attached??

They will go to the email that you send it from. Does that make sense?