Good. What about an alarm system? At night i even padlock my garage door down in addition to a sliding lock i had a locksmith install onto the garage door, so even if my WS purchases an item that try and open the garage door (similar to a garage door opener) the WS still has extreme difficulty getting in. Something to keep in mind for security.

Between the party and the workweek coming to a close, I'd wait but not long. I'd either expose Fri or early Sat. Don't lose your courage. Be careful not to let the "what if" scenarios discourage you...you have gone down that road before and things only got worse. There is no "good time" to expose, rainy but the trigger does need to get pulled. Living in fear is not the answer.

For me, my children were/are the greatest source of strength for me. When you see your children enjoying themselves at that party tomorrow evening, take a mental snapshot and remember it when you start to feel weak or anxious. Those kids need you to be strong for them. You know this...repeat it often!!!

X2

Here are a couple things you MUST consider adding to the exposure letter:

1. His potential for violence must be exposed - that you have found it necessary to take out a protective order because he has endangered your daughter, and threatened financial and physical harm.

2. Exposure before PO is better because it would not be seen as a "egg him on" when he can't do anything about it. Exposure after PO in place may have unforeseen consequences in your ability to protect, where requesting family and friends intervention before PO in place would be seen as a sincere cry for help.

3. Exposure request for help must include encouraging him to return to his doctor and treatment plan as well as being away from OW. This is an all-encompassing problem that doesn't go away just because she does.

Yes, a trailer out back:) I have talked with his teacher. People who need to know at my children's schools were told last week. No, I have to be done with fear of him ruling me. He's been controlling, manipulating, threatening me for too long. I feel sad that it's come to this, that this is who he's choosing to be. But I feel relieved to be going into Plan B and exposure. Live my life, focus on my kids, and let the affairees deal with some of the garbage they've been building up all this time.

Does that not just look like I'm trying to slander him? He doesn't really have anyone for me to expose to - everyone knows. It's her fb friends that I'm targeting - her "upstanding Christian wife and mother" image that needs to be taken down a notch. I have no one left to ask for help with WH. He doesn't have a lot of friends, honestly. The ones he does have are people who support what he's doing, not people who would help him. I have asked his family and the couple of good, decent friends he has for help. I mostly hear, "I just want him to be happy" or "I've told him I don't support this, but there's not much else that I can do - he's an adult." He has cut off contact with any of our mutual friends.

True, the anger and meds needs to be addressed. The last 12 years of living with me, he was never off his medication for more than a couple of days - the kids and I could tell if he missed even 1 day and would politely remind him to please take it, for the benefit of his family if not for himself. That's the one thing I would still say something to him about - I learned to let most things go. It's all part of the addiction, the "high," the being out of control. When he got some space from her in Nov/Dec, he went back on his medication of his own accord - realized he needed it and took responsibility for it. I do think she is 90% of the problem.

I'm targeting her friends who still see some untarnished image of her, in an effort to damage the affair. That's all I see this as at this point. I'm well past the point of asking anyone I know for help with WH. I guess I could send a letter to his boss, but no idea if that would do anything. Everyone he works with knows. He has pictures of OW up all over, and is completely open about it. I could suggest that he is using company equipment - phone, computer, etc. to carry on an affair. Don't know if that would do anything. He's fairly high up - the head of the entire company carries on an open affair that everyone knows about and has talked about for years - not the highest of morals here. But it is a government agency, so maybe???

RS, I agree finish out your week you have been through an ordeal and you need your strength. More importantly if you fear for your safety and the PO will give you security wait.

You have thought this through weighed up the advice. You have to decide what you consider to be best for you and your children. You need to keep safe and stay sane without additional pressure and worry.

I am not an expert by any means, many posting here have more experience than I, but I can not see this short delay having a negative impact. I think in your case the health and safety of you and your children should be a priority.

You have done amazingly well, you've set the wheels in motion for hopefully a permanent PO. Stay strong and hang in there. You will do fine when you expose. We are all here to support you.

Good idea. I'll look into that.

Does it look bad for me to get the PO and then expose her on fb? For getting a permanent PO, I mean? What's WH gonna say - "My horrible wife got a PO and then slandered the amazing woman I'm committing adultery with, when I couldn't even go after her for it?" ??? "I MUST defend OW's honor!" hahahaha

No, seriously. Can I not just say I've had it with WH and OW running my life? After he chased down my kids, and she talked him into withholding CS, that was it for me? I'm done? Standing up for my kids and myself from now on?

Rainy, I have a friend whose WH took out the Australian equivilent of a PO on OW.

OW did not take a hint and still pursued. My friend, the BW, then exposed on FB to OW's friends, family and contacted the BH.

Your sitch is different in that the A has been going on in front of others for a long time. There are other differences as well.

But my friend felt EMPOWERED by letting OW's friends know she was a living, breathing woman who had been dealt a devestating blow.

There is something about exposing to OW's side that helped my recovery as well. I felt I stood up and cast doubt on her actions to those close to her. I felt and still feel that I showed her actions for what they are, regardless if others want to accept that. She has been labelled a skank, although not in so many words. The seed is sown.

BTW, in my sitch, when I exposed OW (months after the A had been flaunted in front of others), not a whisper from my WH. When I exposed OW's FB bragging about the A to WH's family, which prooved he had lied and cheated and gaslit his family, THEN he started to try to break Plan B.

So much for protecting her "honour". A wayward only tends to care about themselves.

With a PO, you are securing your Plan B. If you choose to expose, expose for your sake, knowing you did the best you could. Don't worry what WH's reaction will be. Just keep yourself and the kids safe.

I agree with KA. And I don't see that your WH will abide by the PO in any case. I think he'll try to push it. Now, I would wait until the party is over, and then I would start exposing, right away.

I also agree that you should be adding the things about your WH to OW's exposure list. There may be some people who would be more willing to speak with OW, if they believe that she is getting herself into an abusive and violent "relationship".

Are you not going to include any of WH's contacts? I think that you should do a proper exposure, of ALL targets all at once.

Expos� the affair, rainy, and stop second guessing every decision. You can't allow yourself to be ruled by fear driven hypotheticals. Expos� tha affair to the OWs Facebook friends. Do you know how to do it? Spacing the PMs 30 seconds apart?

I thought it was 60 seconds apart? Yes, the only thing I still am not sure of is if I can only send 1 message to 1 person at a time, or if I can send a group message to say 10 or 20 people, wait 60 seconds, and send another group message?

I'm not on fb often. I hate it - that's where the A started. I only stay on so my teenagers know I'm watching them.

Last I knew of, WH closed his account, opened a new one that is private, and OW is his only "friend." Kinda telling, huh? I'll see what I can find, though.

You are all correct. Just gonna do it. I 2nd-guess myself and analyze way too much. Time for action.

Rainysweet,

Everything you described about OW, her need to have perfect kids, no doubt a perfect house, a perfectly compliant husband, large numbers of �friends� who fill every niche in her life, indicate a woman who is the perfect target for exposure. She is all external and selfish and the revelation of the truth about her life will devastate her, she might never have another affair.

Your WH will no longer be a romantic figure to her, but will be associated with the worst drubbing she ever received in her life.

God Bless
Gamma

Thank you, Gamma. I think you're absolutely right.

Mailing Plan B letter on the way to work this morning.

Rainy you're doing great, and the harder he comes after you, well the harder he will get knocked back down and the more foolish he will make himself look.

Why?

Because 'The general who makes the most preparations is victorious'

Because YOU are logical, you are preparing for all eventualities, blocking all gaps, safeguarding all weak points. You realise he is so unhinged on a normal day that he has left you nothing left to fear anyway. So youre just getting on with the work and battening down the hatches.

Do you think he prepares? That he is logical? No. He only has the one little tool of fear, rage and unpredicatability and he's already used that too much for you to fear that combination any more.

I agree. We used to be on the safe side with 60 seconds but in actuality I think 30 seconds is safe. I would do it today.

That's good! I agree that you need the Plan B letter to him and expose before he is served with the PO. Why? Because he could easily make the argument at the temporary hearing that you're not abiding by your own PO. Does any of the language say what is expected of you?

WH just texted me that if I sign D today, he will sign an agreement to have CS funds direct deposited into my account, like he's been doing til now.

I am ready to be done, and that would be in the best interest of my children at this point. Especially if I can get him to do it before he is served with PO. A blessing, really.

Why do I feel so sad?

Regarding exposure now, that is going to look very vindictive that I did it the day after we sign the D. Should I put in the message that I finally agreed to the D, but that she is the cause of it? That I am still willing to work on the marriage?

Or not mention it as I was advised before? I guess it won't be final for at least a couple of weeks.

More questions, I know. Guess I'm in a BS fog. Hard to see things clearly.

I am relieved, if I can get this done today. But so, so sad that our marriage and family ended like this. And he wants me to meet him and sign together. I don't want to see him.

I don't get this, RS. Why is your WH using this as a bargaining chip? He has to give you CS regardless of whether you "sign right now". I wouldn't rush to sign without making sure all the I's are dotted and T's are crossed. And in the meantime just stick to your plan.

Has the decree been reviewed by an atty? What about the parenting plan? This isn't how D is done in my state at all... I must be missing something.