And all, I asked the question: in terms of actual, concrete action, what is the opposite of "uncaring", "complacence", etc?

In other words, besides Exposure (which is a new option, with me discovering this site and having recently acquired evidence), what ACTIONS would I have taken that would prove me to NOT have been complacent and uncaring? Read my post above re suspicions etc over 18 months, and then list me some concrete verbs..!

Are you not reading what you're writing?? "In the middle of a FIGHT"?? Do you not see what we're trying to tell you??

FAITHFUL SPOUSES DO NOT FIGHT ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS.

You're way past time. MAN UP.

When will you be exposing?

Okay, let's assume for a minute that you are sincere in your efforts to be more proactive in your efforts to save your marriage.

What are you willing to do right now to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE?

This is a really simple question that should require a really simple answer.

I'm just curious.

New plan: Mon 21 May. Need to get email addresses of WS friends.

Is there anyway you can expose sooner?

Ok you have OM's facebook list?

Does your WW have facebook?

I would concentrate on WW's family. You know her parents and siblings, correct? You're married to her.

It does not take 18 months to figure out that a spouse is having an affair. There is no excuse for such complacence. You knew your wife was staying out all night, that is all you needed to know and yet you did nothing to stop it. It is contradictory to claim you did anything other than enabling her when you even drove her to the train station. That level of complacence and enabling is shocking to an outside observer. It is obvious to others that you have practiced conflict avoidance to an extreme.

The reason people are stuck on this point is because unless you get this point, you are not going to get too far here. You have a multitude of excuses for why you didn't take action, but they are just excuses. You can't save your marriage via conflict avoidance and complacence. You are a big part of the problem and unless you acknowledge that and commit to change, there is nothing we can do for you.

People here want to help you, but the first step is facing the truth about your own conflict avoidance.

Wh are you scheduling this? Get the names NOW. Expose NOW. Are you waiting for a work day or something? Exposure doesn't recognize work days.

I get the feeling you are blowing this off Why?

Why the delay?

If you actually ever do expose the affair, [tomorrow, tomorrow, always tomorrow] what will be your plan afterwards? She will come home, roll her eyes, tell you to go to hell and then go back out for a few days to get laid.

What will be your next steps when that happens?

Next steps? At the rate he's going he won't even get to the next step.

Been said here many times, but this is oh so painful to watch.

Thanks, TigerWes. You ask what I am willing to do "right now"? Confront the woman and demand that she cease this and any other affairs. If she refuses or denies, expose the affair.

Nothing to "assume" on your part. That snide remark, like your earlier ones about "what course of action a MAN should take" and "no wonder she left you - I would, too", do not strike me as particularly constructive.

What is interesting is I have asked three times for a concrete list of things people here believe I "should have" done (to prove my MANhood, to show non-COMPLACENCY, to show non-UNCARINGness, etc), and I have heard nothing concrete back -- apart from Exposure, which was my plan anyway, having newly acquired evidence.

The affair should be exposed regardless. But it is the right thing to confront her and DEMAND that she stop her affair and STOP running around like an alley cat in heat. She is a married woman! For her to run around like a single woman is absolutely inappropriate.


Let me explain why that is constructive. Women do not respect men they can treat like door mats. And our love is very contingent upon the respect we feel.


We find it interesting that you have to ask that question. The fact that you have to ASK this is part of the problem.

I might indeed have been guilty of conflict avoidance. I understand the "doormat" thing, and somehow even managed to find your "come home, roll her eyes..." comment amusing.

Suppose I have a chip missing. Or am autistic. Or am an idiot-savant. No matter how "interesting" you find it that I ask -- and given that you consider it "part of the problem" -- why would you not offer an answer or solution? (It's plain that the answers/actions I generated by myself have not worked.)

Okay, just to save you the effort: THAT WON'T WORK. NEXT!!

There you go. You don't need to sit and spin while your wayward wife boinks OM. You can :::GASP::: take control of this. Expose this affair! Sheesh!

Okay...let's take this slow...you haven't heard anything other than exposure, because...why?? BECAUSE YOU NEED TO EXPOSE! THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW. (My apologies for shouting to those posters who already 'get it').

Take action and expose right now, today.

You are attempting to distract us away from what you need to do, and pull us into an argument that will buy you time to avoid exposure.

That won't work with us. Now, GET TO WORK AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. Or quit whining.

Do you agree that her reaction will be as I described?

Well good. She won't, so prepare yourself to go full nuclear exposure.

There was nothing at all snide about that remark. It was a truth that you just can't seem to wrap your arms around. If the truth hurts, well then, tough. We're not complacent here, but have on occasion been known to help and produce results. Go figure.

UH, why are you here??? If you're not gonna listen and implement a wealth of seriously good strategy then what's your point?

"Chastising" me for...whatever...isn't gonna cut it.

This isn't my marriage. I, or anyone else, don't have to be here. What do you want?