Sent the Exposure e-mail.

Started the Facebook Exposure messages as well, but I'm not sure of the results, as I don't really know how Fb works. I've started with the top 20: they've posted multiple messages on OM's wall. Five of them don't accept messages except from Friends, it seems. The troubling thing is I did a couple of test messages to my sister and my friend, and neither received them...

The bottom 40 of the OM Fb list only submitted one post: they're not very active on OM's page -- or at least not publicly so.

So, halfway thru, status is I've sent email, and THINK I've sent Fb PMs (and usually Fb does respond "Your message was sent successfully"), but I'm not sure if they're landing...!

I've now been blocked from sending further Fb messages. I did heed the warning re one every 60sec or so, but it seems I hit a "per hour" limit rather than a "per minute" limit. I hope my top-20s went thru.

I'm awaiting the response from the email/WS route...

Hi igiiroko,I am sorry for you situation...I have read your thread and I am disgusted with the disrespect and humiliation that your W has shown towards you...

But I still dont get how you didnt find evidence earlier since she was only one day/week at home...What kind of a marriage is that when the other spouse is only one day per week at marital home...

I was annoyed of your lack of actions about the exposure but at least you are starting to man up and you are now exposing...and whatever happens after the exposure and whatever she says never take responsability for the affair,and for Gods sake start respecting yourself and never ever alow her to humiliate you again and make a fool of you like this behind your back...

Its my first post on this forum (I am active on other inifidelity forums) and I registered because you wrote that your wife is from Bosnia and that most of her relatives dont speak english...I am from Bosnia and I can help you to translate your exposure letter from english to Bosnian if you are interested...Dont let language to stop your exposure to her family...and also if you have something written in Bosnian that you have found on her email just post it here and I will translate it for you so that she cant fool you anymore...

Whatever you decide to reconcile or divorce I wish you and your children the best...

P.S.And sorry if there are spelling mistakes because english is not my native language..

Thanks, 9895. Your English is perfectly fine, but I don't have anything in Bosnian that I need translated -- for now.

I partially understand your annoyance/frustration, but if I explained the many strands of the narrative, you will understand too, I think.

Right now, my frustration is that I don't know for sure if my Facebook messages reached their destinations, the OM's contacts...

Interestingly, I've heard nothing back from WS, WS's friends/family or OM's contacts. It's only been twelve hours...

Just sit back and let exposure do it's work. Any luck on finding OM's family?

You may not hear anything and then you may get a load of responses. Ignore the ignorant ones because there will be those out there.

Hi, BrainHurts. No luck finding OM's family, alas.

WS was away Sat-Sun. I did exposure Sun morning. She's now still away (3.30am), and HAS to come back home for her work laptop -- Monday starts only her second week at her new job.

I don't know how I'll be when I next see her, having Exposed. I'm hurting, angry and vengeful. I'm sure there's a thread somewhere about containing emotions etc, but I can't find it.

I know you don't have an anger problem but listen to these clips because Dr. Harley has very good steps to working with your anger/feelings.

Also do you have the book "Lovebusters"? This is another excellent read.

Anger Mgmt 101

Here's another good read to help with memories/triggers.
Managing Memories and Dealing with Triggers

Both threads teach you on changing your thoughts/actions. Dr. Harley says it takes time to change what has become habits and so you must continue to work on it.

I hope they help.

The thing that helped me the most was staying busy and working out. I would workout like crazy to take my mind off of it all.

For "closure", does MB/Harley recommend a full admission of guilt? Or will the detail be too hurtful/crippling?

Generally you ask and get all the details YOU are comfortable hearing (IE did you do xxx in our house, did you do x at all...) things like that).

OK. The Exposure's kicked in. WS arrived home 4am (Mon). I thought she'd've already been aware of the Exposure. Turns out she wasn't: she only learned when her ex-husband called from Australia as we were rushing to leave home for work and school.

She leapt straight into defiance: 1) the affair was MY fault; 2) I was such an untrusting snoop and she couldn't be with someone who didn't trust her; and later 3) she's "completely in love with him" and she's not giving him up. (Oh, and 4) she lied to me because she "didn't want to hurt" me.)

Other snippets: "I didn't plan it -- it just happened"; "I know you think we used to sit there and gloat about it and laugh at you, but we didn't -- it was very difficult"; "You think this is gonna fix things, your exposing it this way? No way!"

I feel broken, but so far have not broken down. All I do need is an outcome that secures my 7yo daughter with me (and maybe step-son back in Australia with his biological father, ie WS's ex-husband).

{Dear Lord, I pray to thee for nobility, dignity and wisdom. Amen.}

Well she sounds like fogged out wayward alien. It's always the BS's fault.

Ok. So your next step. Is she still talking with this POSOM? Do not and I repeat do not allow her to conduct her affair in your face. Are you financing any of the ways that she is talking with OM? This should be your first thing to put a stop to.

So tell me. What is your plan to not let her conduct her affair around you and DD7?

Document everything.

I don't know if I already gave you this or not.

Document Document Document

Hi BrainHurts. Interesting you used the word "financing". She sent me txt saying her "cab fare is costing as much as a week's train fare -- not that you care as you're making loads of money. Btw I've seen the email: you sound unhinged. No idea what you hope to achieve - certainly not what you have written to my friends that: is never going to happen".

I replied that I'd unwittingly subsidised her affair for two years - including when I had NO income.

She has since continued with a torrent of messages about me being "unhinged" for sending the email, "making yourself look like an idiot", "people usually deal with this sort of thing in private", "you are living in a parallel universe", "you are a desperate psycho" etc...

Plan? I'll have to ask her to move out. Considering she's been absenting herself five, six days a week, you'd think she'd find that easy. But no, it's too convenient that she has a base from which to change the contents of her suitcase -- and NOW she remembers she has kids. Kids that evidently didn't need her five, six days a week.

Do not respond to her fogbabble. Just send a text and say "I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage" "I will no longer live with three people in my marriage"

Can you legally remove her? If so I would pack her bags and put them on the stoop.

Two threads to read.
How To Plan B properly
Craziest Things to come out of a Wayward's PieHole

I think you may need to start preparing for Plan B?

Hi Igiiroko, I exposed just short of 2 weeks ago. I haven't received any response except from WH &OW. My WH's response was horrible but very foggy, he too claimed I was crazy - "reinforced to our friends that you are not behaving in a rational and sane manner. It is a shame that you have chosen to embarass yourself in this manner. Perhaps you should seek professional help for your irrational behaviours and thinking." At least we know we had a direct hit.

Good job at exposure. I would consult with an attorney and find out what your rights are. Focus on getting her out of there and changing the locks so you can go into Plan B.

And I agree with the others that you shouldn't respond to her texts. She is having a melt down and is trying desperately to make you stop exposing.

In addition here's some more help to prepare with Plan B.

Intermediary Training School
Plan B letter samples
Parallel Parenting

BrainHurts: snap! I'm leaving the office early to pack all her things into the cars. I'm calling a locksmith today to come tomorrow. And I'm making it clear tonight that she's not spending tonight or any other night under that roof - so long as she's maintaining her relationship with OM ("I'm completely in love with him! There you have it!") and if the police have to get involved, that's fine. Spoke to lawyer today after confronting WS, having spoken to lawyer 2wks ago before confronting WS: says I'm legally within rights to change locks on my property, and criminal damage (eg brick thru window) will be prosecuted.

HF66: Good luck with yours. Btw, I was only expecting a reaction from WS - not from anyone else.

All: Plan B is tricky, cos I don't have (English Law) "Parental Responsibility" for stepson ("DS12"?). I would rather stepson and WS left. Any ideas?