Rainy, even if the PO hasn't been served on him, it still protects you as it has been filed in court. It is effective from the date of filing.

Yes if he was out of town it would have given you the peace of mind that he wouldn't land on your doorstep. If you wait to expose there are no guarantees being served with the PO will stop him visiting. In any case whether he has been served or not, if he does turn up contact the police, they will respond when you advise there is a PO.

I know it is easy for us to post and you are living with this fear. I am worried about the effect of the stress (worrying about exposure, his angry reaction, when the PO will be served) is having on you and your children. Maybe for your peace of mind you could consider staying at your parents for the weekend. Yes the kids may be annoyed at camping overnight but you will all feel safer.

So did you go through all of them first and make a list? Or do a word document and just dive in? Did you wait until late at night?

Why not have your son take the weed-eater to your parents or a mutual friend's house, then have your son text him and tell where he can pick it up?

If he needs it THAT badly, then this shouldn't be a problem!

Right?

I did it in prime time right around dinner time. I had sent about 2 messages to his friends that were married and they started blowing up his phone telling him to knock "this crap off" and "what the hell are you thinking". I kept exposing on facebook BTW. Also we had a joint facebook so he tried to delete our account.

I did this right after I went to the OW's house because I couldn't get a hold of her BH and they were both at home. It wasn't pretty.
Also I did all this after I was in trouble with the cops for throwing a bag at my WH. This is how I know about DV in Utah. I should not have thrown the bag at him. It didn't hit him but they said it was a weapon.

Actually, I had to include my parents in the protective order - he's gone over and pounded on their door in the middle of the night too, left threatening messages, tried to take our son away from them when they were watching him - part of what led to the PO in the first place. Sadly, things are so bad we have no mutual friends left. Our formerly mutual friends support me, and will be civil to him, but think he's nuts. He doesn't show his face around them. His wild and crazy friends I barely know.

He lives with his dad at present, so my son left it on his front lawn, and texted him that it was there - did that all on his own, so I was pretty impressed. Thanks for trying to think of rational solutions for me - I need to take a deep breath.

Rainy, we know you are scared. We have all been in your shoes and exposed,so we know how you feel. You unfortunately have the worry of his angry behaviour thrown into the mix. You have the PO in place to protect you.

We have all possibly exposed at different times. Pick a time that is convenient to you. Maybe after the youngest children have gone to bed. I stayed up all night to expose. Partly b/c it was really difficult for me to expose, I sat for a long time before I was able to make a start and partly b/c I didn't want skankyhola to shut me down and make it harder ... I was on a mission to expose her, it was my only stand against her (I'd had no contact with her) and I wanted everyone to know the real reason why we had separated.

As I suggested earlier maybe if you start exposing to OW FB list first. It's easier to expose someone you have no respect, etc for. When you expose to OW FB you will start to feel empowered and this will give you the confidence to start exposing to Pinoke's family and friends.

Take a leap of faith, trust in the advice you have been given, yes the first step is scary, but you can do it. You got your PO, you can do this. You will feel empowered as you start to take control of your life and get the truth out there. Its your turn to have your say and slay the dragon (Affair)

You have balls, girl! (Can I say that? Probably I'll get edited). Sooo . . . how hard could you hit him with a bag in Utah before you had to go to jail, hypothetically speaking? Can the kids and I come stay at your house?

Oh, we say balls around here all the time so don't worry about that. And fantastic what your son did about the weed-eater. That is awesome.

You might find this funny. There was a thread on here recently that was addressing men growing balls during these time. LOL...I posted a picture of a Betty White quote that got deleted because a few complained about it. Not sure why, but whatever.

Do a Google Image Search of Betty White quotes and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Well, that wasn't hard to find:) So true. Thanks for the laugh.

Are you using your 17YO as your IM now? No, so since it didn't go through IM, it should have been IGNORED. He doesn't get any marital property until it is all hashed out in the divorce decree.

Rainy, you must be proud of your son, he did really well.

TigerWes, I saw your post. I thought it was funny and liked Betty White. Can't see how anyone would find it offensive ... a compliment to the strength of women on MB. We all need a good laugh ...Betty White did that

NO! He's not supposed to contact him, but snuck around and did it. He knows where to strike. My 17-yr-old would not listen to me to ignore it, because he's afraid of his dad coming over here in psycho mode after it, after me and the younger kids. He said he would rather take it to him and keep him away from me - I tried to explain why we can't buy into this crap anymore. He did not listen. The kid passed me up long ago - can't exactly pick him up and put him in time out.

Interesting that WH did not contact the 19-year-old, who will ignore him and not buy into it. He knows which kid to get to - this son is most like his dad, probably hates him the most, yet also gets sucked into his garbage the most.

You are going to need to get even STRONGER, with your children as well as with your WH. Your children shouldn't be giving into what he demands now either. Have you explained PB to them? You should.

Yes, but not well enough. This is the only kid who's going to be hard for me. As I said, very like his father. (The good, the bad, and the ugly - all of it. Certainly has not gone down his father's path, just his basic personality). He has his dad's great points too. He is NOT his father, I know. But he is difficult for me, rebels easily, has had a very hard time with all of this. I don't know what to do with him.

Stand up to him. You are his mother.

You could explain to him that any of the marital property is to be divided by the courts, and if he removes something, he could get you into trouble. I would probably go even further, and tell my son that he could be charged with theft for taking something that belonged to my home, and gave it to someone else. It really is theft.

You need to enforce rules with him even more now than ever before or you will lose him. Let him know that you understand that he wants to protect you and his siblings but that isn't his job. It isn't his responsibility. You need to have a good long talk with him.

I thought it was a true testament to the strength of women in general. I actually emailed a mod about it's removal, and was told is was about the complaints. Pretty sure all those complaints came from my gender. But the mod I contacted did agree with it's sentiment, but had a job to do. I understand that.

Now, start listening to Scotty intently. She will guide you, without fail, through Plan B.

Glad I was able to bring you a laugh though.

Sorry to t/j your thread Rainy but I wanted TigerWes to see my reply and not think I ingored him.

I can see some males taking offense, but if they could see the boost it gives us females maybe they'd re consider. We all need to be able to laugh at our common situation regardless of the gender implications ... it keeps us sane.

I do appreciate Scotty's advice I know she is the Plan B Queen, shes raised viewpoints I'd never even considered. Its tough when it invloves your children.

Dang, I think I got it wrong hadn't seen the earlier posts.

Rainy, the comment about listening to Scotty was meant for you not me ... sorry blame it on lack of sleep DS6 not well had a restless night not much sleep for me, topped off by having a dream about Sildur last night which didn't help with the sleep either.

Back to your thread ... Rainy I'd forgotten you were in Plan B (lack of sleep impacting my brain), re read earlier post that you sent Plan B letter to Pinoke.

I can understand your son's actions trying to protect you. He must be very concerned about the effect of Pinoke's behaviour on you. Scotty is more experienced than I and considers things I wouldn't even think of. It is possibly best (health & safety) for all of your family that any communication even about collection of possessions go through IM. Having said that you must still be touched by his concern and desire to protect you and his siblings.

True. This one was touchy, though, as WH took the weed whacker awhile back, and this son went to get it from him a few weeks ago so he could use it to do some lawns he gets paid for. Kind of up in the air as to whom it belongs, and I really don't care - let him have it. It's the principle of the thing.

I'm glad my son handled it the way he did in the end. Yes, I need to have a long talk with him. I most certainly do not want him to feel like he has to protect me, and have told him that I am the parent and will handle it. He knows that. It's more that his dad just sucks him in easily. As much as he hates his father right now, he also seems to have some deep emotional need for his approval, however slight any approval coming from him may be. Oldest son gave up on dad's approval long ago, so did 16yo daughter. I think youngest son pretty much has too. This child has had the hardest time. He spent a year in residential treatment after having a complete breakdown over this whole thing, had attempted suicide twice earlier. He's come a long way, actually.

Sad that a wayward's behavior can have such an impact on the lives of others, and they are too caught up in the addiction to care. I asked WH once how he would live with himself if his own son succeeded in committing suicide over this. He said, "That's a risk I'm willing to take." Then he apologized. Then he said, "If he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it, and there's nothing we can do to stop him. Quit trying to run everybody's life. Let the kid grow up."

The trauma with this son is part of the reason I tried to make this work for so long. But I realize we all need to get away from WH, all into Plan B. The more I think about all this, the more I realize what a jerk I've lived with, and that it's time to get us all out.

He did do well with how he handled it in the end. Thank you. Hope you get some rest tonight, and that your little one feels better:) Thanks for the support.